how come your only child listens to the father alot more than the mother?

Jennifer - posted on 05/18/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )




my daughter is kacie and she always gives me a hard time and talks back to me and is really mouthy to me but when she is with her dad or her great grandparents she listens to them really well and there is no attitude or mouthy talk backs nothing. why is that? i shouldn't have to call her father when she is not behaving for me and i dont like doing it but i dont know what else to do and i have triied everything i can and i would never spank my child cuz i dont believe in it what-so-ever!! any suggestions?


Kristin - posted on 05/18/2010




Take a hard look at how you are disciplining her. Are you really enforcing your rules and what the consequences are when she breaks them? Do you threaten and then never follow through? Are you praising for good behavior and listening?

It sounds like you prefer to use time outs and the revoking of priviledges, good for you. It's hard and you do occasionally have to retrain both of you as to the process. It's 1 minute per year of age and they have to do the whole time in a straight shot. I do not expect an apology from mine as I feel it teaches them to just say the words in an attempt to avoid the time out. I do expect them to remember why they are there at the end of it though. When my older one is working my last nerve with disrespectful behavior, I tell him that we are not going anywhere until he starts acting like the nice boy I know he is. Then I follow through. It usually results in a bit of a tantrum (about 5 minutes) and then an apology from him that he really means.

You don't say how old she is. After a certain point, timeouts become grounding and the taking away of priviledges like TV and phone time, going to friends homes, etc.. You may need to sit down with her and talk about what is going on, why she thinks it's okay to be like that with you, and tell her in no uncertain terms that you will not be treated or spoken to that way. As odd as this is going to sound, you might need to man up and lay down the law, no more turning to her dad about this. Your job is to be her mom and not her friend. She is going push you. You need to stand firm.

I wish you the best in this. Be strong, you can do it.


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Kim - posted on 05/18/2010




By calling her father when she is not listening to you is underminding your authority and she knows it. You need to take care of the problem yourself. Do time outs, take privileges away. Make sure you are using a firm voice not yelling. Also, no negativity and make sure you are praising her for good behaviour. Try doing mommy and daughter time - I don't know how old she is so do age appropriate things together. Good luck!

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