How did this mess happen

Samantha - posted on 04/10/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hello fellow friends,
I am joining this site for insight from others who have or are in the same situation.
I have been together on and off with my babys father for about a year and a half and let me tell you it ended horribly. I met him and we dated and right of the bat he was really a selfish person told me one thing did another. The relationship had it ups and downs, but we had a child, she is a beautiful little lady, and the whole pregnancy and relationship he didn't want to pay rent he didn't want to give money to our home, bills, he walked all over me and I let him. I know not good, but I loved him I loved him, the idea of a family, who came together as one. He did not grasp that concept, so as time went on and our relationship was on and off in the home and out of the home, being verbally abusive leaving etc. couldn't really deal with any sort of reality, and it turned for the worse
he bought a house, and he knew that is something that I wanted for the both of us and he went behind my back and bought a house, "his house" and we were not allowed to move in yet for a long time everything was on his terms, yet he still wanted to sleep together and have this relationship on his terms, but about a month ago him and I were together and he was yelling and not communicating with me ignoring me saying hurtful words and he got physical and it was horrible,police were called and he went to jail, there is no court order for him to see her yet, now there is a no contact order our babes is 9 months old and we are not married and I am nervous for the future, I need a plan I need to be strong and think that this man probably wont change, and he wont step it up for the sake of our daughter or our family, it sucks it hurts but I want to stop thinking that I will live happily ever after with him, I know he has done crazy, mean , hurtful things, and on top of it is refusing to pay until child support gets figured out we are waiting for our court hearing for that, he hasn't seen her in about 40 days and myself either. I just want to be prepared and need help for what happens next or how to move on or some kind of advice as what to do and which will help me along this horrible process...thank you!!


Jodi - posted on 04/10/2016




I agree with Dove, you are where you are now because you missed the warning signs. He does not love you and clearly never has, or he would never have treated you this way. If you are struggling to be strong about your future without him, see a counsellor. You do not need this man in your life. However, he WILL be in your child's life because you had a child with him, so you are going to NEED strength to coparent with him.

It's good to see that you have a court date for child support. I assume the court hearing is also going to be for custody and visitation orders? If not, time to get a lawyer and put that in place too. You will never successfully coparent with a man like this without appropriate orders spelling out the custody and visitation. It will be in the best interests of everyone, including the child.

Dove - posted on 04/10/2016




* I met him and we dated and right of the bat he was really a selfish person told me one thing did another.

This is how it happened. You ignored the warning signs to do what you wanted and now you and your daughter will suffer the consequences of that choice forever. I recommend you get yourself into counseling and get a lawyer to get custody, visitation, and child support legally set up.

By the way... my first two sentences are not a judgment... My children and I are living the consequences of MY bad choice. Though I will say it's a choice I will never regret since I have three amazing kids that make it all worth it.


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