How did you get over this negative feeling towards the baby mama?

Monica - posted on 12/18/2015 ( no moms have responded yet )




Hi Everyone!

I'm really really glad to have found this site and am hoping you could potentially bring me some insight. As you can guess, I am dating a man with a child from his previous relationship. My relationship situation may not be unique but bear with me as I explain it all!

My boyfriend and I met online and clicked right away. He was from South Carolina, former military, and planning on moving to my state to go back to school. He came and visited and it was just amazing. You know that saying when you know, you know? Well I knew this would be something special and it really has. The catch: My boyfriend's ex surprised him with the fact that she was pregnant when she was already 7 months along and he and I were already dating for about a month or so but had been talking for about 2 months. I didn't expect to stay with him but I decided to see what happens and he was very very upfront about everything from the moment he found out to now. He told me as soon as he found out and was sure to inform me that he felt no feelings towards his ex and he never wanted children but this was the cards dealt to him and he will step up to the plate as a dad and he has. He really loves his daughter and has decided that he does not want to be with his ex and the best thing he can do for his daughter is move on to getting the college degree he already planned for so that he can secure her future financially. His ex is uneducated and is working part time jobs at the moment and has custody of their daughter. He loves his little daughter who is 5 months old now and since he's moved he misses her tremendously but still believes this is the best thing he can do for her. I admire his decision and strength and understand that this is difficult for him.

This also means that the only way he gets to "see" his daughter is by talking to his ex. My boyfriend has decided he wants to try to maintain a friendship for the sake of his daughter and again, I admire that. His ex, although she still has strong feelings for him and admits it, has moved on to the best of her abilities and is dating someone else and my boyfriend and the ex are on friendly terms. Again, my boyfriend keeps me very much in the loop and she knows about me and etc.

The problem is I just can't seem to stop getting this feeling every time I know they're talking or texting. Mind you, the talking is infrequent enough and generally only about his daughter, but I can't help feeling a strong sense of possessiveness and frustration that he still has to stay in contact with her. On the other side of that, I am beyond happy that the two of them are on comfortable grounds and there has been no "baby mama drama" in any sense. For his daughter, I know this is absolutely best and I have accepted him having a child and am seeing the bright side of things.

I just want to find out how you ladies have found ways to deal with and get over this possessive or jealous feeling? Does it go away or is it something I have to learn to cope with?

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