How do I accept that my daughter just doesn't want to be close?

Kate - posted on 06/29/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I'm a single mom, just about to turn 55. My only daughter just turned 26 and recently moved to another state for a new job a couple of months ago. Right before the move, her boyfriend of 3 years proposed to her. He is a difficult personality and has said mean things to me right from the start. Apparently, he does this frequently with lots of people and the excuse is that he just doesn't have a "filter" and says whatever pops into his head. So we all just have to "understand"....
I raised my daughter on my own from the time she was a baby. Her father had issues with drugs and alcohol. I worked full time while raising her, with no help from my own dysfunctional family that lived over 500 miles away. My daughter and I were close while she was growing up. She was a good kid, smart, and went to a private university, all with my support. Once she went to college, the distancing from me began but I chalked it up to the developmental stage she was in. Once she graduated, she got a job and lived with a roommate and then met her boyfriend/fiance to be. I got breast cancer and it shook me up pretty badly. I ended up leaving my job, selling my house and moving out of state to study nutrition. I moved back a few years later hoping we would get close again, but it hasn't happened. She is always with the boyfriend and never had too much time for me. Now that she is living out of state, and I just got back from a first visit during which the fiance made a wise crack remark hoping my first visit would be my only visit, and my daughter not saying anything, I am feeling quite despondent that she really just doesn't like me and wants as little to do with me as possible. On the other hand, his family seems to be the one she prefers, including his mother who acts like a overaged teenager herself, partying and dancing at the clubs and wearing short skirts even though she is the same age as me. I guess she is "just more fun!"
I could use some advice. Right now I just feel like leaving her alone altogether. I feel like the only use they have for me is as a cash machine. I am a generous person by nature, and I feel like I get taken advantage of, even though they both work full-time and my daughter makes really good money as an engineer. He is in sales and does okay but doesn't make as much as her.
Anyway, what should I do?


[deleted account]

First do not give up on your daughter , keep calling her on once in a while basic do not say any mention any thing about her love life with her partner build a good mother and daughter chart and keep going at it providing great sence of humour ,try getting with her if not I want u mummy to remember u are at your health risk, and think now what is best for u at this time the best for u is greater than the latter days u I am sure raised a lovely young woman who may just have been trap with the roung set of people , and if he is with her, after her money it will not last, I plead u to trust in God for a complet change in your girl life to open up her eyes to see him as he really is , allowing God to expose him in all his dirty ways and even his mother to stop bad thinking and place her self in your place of body , mind ,hart to feel your pain please pray for change and allow God to bring your daughter to remember u every time see slips she will see u and know that u truly love her I have been in my ups and down and hay God works things out if he can do it for me he can do the same for u some times we need change . he knows u by name try Jesus .

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