How do I cope with my Bfs 'surprise' child who is 3 years old and just turned up

Roch - posted on 10/21/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi guys I hope u can give me some advice.

I'll start from the beginning. When I first met my bf everything was great. But a month into our relationship someone told me that he has a baby on he way. Hen I confronted him he said no its not his he's sure of it. I kept pestering him about it as I didn't want to be with a man with kids as I knew I wasn't mature enough to deal with it. He then reassured me this wasn't the case and that it wasn't his child. So anyway a year later I gave birth to my daughter. Everything was fine I started nursery and enrolled my daughter at a childminders who happened to leave two doors down from my Bfs parents house. Lin story short she said it was lovely looking after my Bfs second child. I was shocked but I didn't say anything to her in case t was true and I would be humiliated in front of a stranger.

I confronted my bf and he still denied it. So I asked his mum and she was like yes he does have a son he is 3 but my bf doesn't believe he's his so has nothing to do with but his mum and dad have accepts the hold as their grandchild and see the son often.

Later that night my bf finally admitted that there was a possibility the baby was his. He said e didn't tell me because he didn't want anything to ruin the relationship as he knew my views on this situation. But doesn't understand why I'm so devastated about it.

I feel so sick. I haven't eaten properly in a week. I can't sleep and I can't focus at uni. I don't want my daughter to have anything to do with the other woman or the baby but I feel terrible thinking like this! I know it was before me but I still feel like its not fair. His family accepted this hold as their own but dint even let me know that this was the case. I don't want to be around his family again as I feel betrayed and I don't even want to be with my bf as he knew there was a possibility and he lied to me. Am I being awful for not wanting my child to mix with his suprise child? I don't know what to do?

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Lacye - posted on 10/22/2012

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You can't really blame the child. He had nothing to do with any of this. His mother shouldn't be blamed either because she was not the one lying to you. You need to be mad at your boyfriend only. His family only did what they thought best. They wanted to have something to do with this child because the child, just like your daughter, is family. Your boyfriend is the one that wanted this kept from you. He is the one that should be taking all of the blame.

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Amanda - posted on 10/22/2012

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I would be devastated too. It is your boyfriends fault for denying the possibility of the female being pregnant by him from the get go. Either find a way to except the child n the situation or leave him. However if having your child grow up with both parents is important to you, Id try to overcome the situation and move forward.

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