How do I cope with my boyfriend having a child?

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

I am 23 years old and a recent college graduate. I am currently in grad school. I dated my current boyfriend in high school from my freshmen year in high school until my first semester in college and we broke up the distance killed us, we were young. Fast forward 4 years later I graduate and move back to our home town and we get back together but he has a 1 year old son with another woman who he loved and intended to start a family with (they planned the pregnancy). I myself accidently got pregnant in college but had a miscarriage and he knows about this. I have struggled with the miscarriage for some time now but now that I have to deal with him having a child it is more prevalent than ever. I love him dearly and we plan to get married and have children of our own in the next 4-6 years but right now I am really having a hard time with him having a baby with another women. I am somewhat jealous that he gave himself fully to someone else when I was there first but now I won’t ever be first she has his first son and I will never have that. I know that is very selfish but I think it’s harder because I was there first. I think I am also struggling with this right now because I have not met the child or mother. The mother is making it nearly impossible for him to see his son or me to meet them. He wants me to love and accept his son but it’s hard because I have no connection to them yet. I want love his son just like he does. I guess I want advice on how to handle my jealous feelings toward his ex and how to fully accept this. I have every intention on being with him for the rest of my life but I don’t want to feel like I cheated myself out of being with a man that only has children with me. I also struggle with thinking he might leave me for her because she left him he didn’t leave her and he was still pursuing her up until right before we got back together. Please share any similar stories or advice. I am already going through a lot so negative advice about my feelings is not necessary. We are moving in with each other in August and I really want to have an understanding and my feelings in check before then. Thank you

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