[deleted account] ( 20 moms have responded )
So I met my boyfriend about 2 1/2 years ago and we instantly fell in love. The story may not quite be like a fairy tale but long story short...he was in relationship with the mother of his 3 boys. We now have our own child together and have been living as a family for about a year and a half but even though so much time has passed, his ex and I just cannot see eye to eye on ANYTHING. We have recently gotten into an argument so she refuses to bring the boys over unless my boyfriend is home at the time which is pretty ridiculous because the way I see it is whether she likes it or not, I will one day be their stepmom and she is trying her hardest to keep them away from me. I feel like where it should be getting easier for us, it's just getting harder...I am about to reach my breaking point...what do I do?
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Dove - posted on 08/30/2012
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You don't deal with her. In her eyes (whether it's the truth or not... sounds like it by your own admission) 'you' broke up her family and she will never be ok with that... nor should she have to be.
All matters regarding the children should be between her and their father. Period. She shouldn't ever have any reason whatsoever to communicate with you.
She also shouldn't have to drop the kids off at your house when your boyfriend isn't home. HE is the one with visitation rights.... not you.
Sure.... it's nice if you can all be civilized, but if that's not possible.... leave it be. You just support your boyfriend and love on the kids when they are in your presence.
Firebird - posted on 08/30/2012
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You don't deal with her. That's your boyfriends job. If you don't deal with her, you can't argue with her.
Stefany Peris - posted on 08/30/2012
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Simplest solution for you is to simply avoid any interaction with her and have your boyfriend as the proxy to any relationship with her. If the children are brought in while he is around then alright, support him with them. Remember he is the one who needs your support in order to still have a life with his children.
The more you fight with his ex the more you will end up mking things difficult for him and his kids and at the end of the day what is best for them is to see him and not necessarily to come see you.
Jodi - posted on 08/30/2012
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My suggestion is for YOU to stop dealing with her. Obviously you can't get along with her at all, so don't. Leave it between the two of them. Given there are no visitation orders, it is her prerogative to bring them over when she chooses, and if it she doesn't want to leave them with you, that's her choice. Sorry, but it is. I know you don't like it, but if I were you, I'd just butt out.
Alecia - posted on 08/31/2012
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if you broke up her family, you are being ridiculous in expecting her to be polite to you. i would beat your ass (if the case is you did break them up...) if you had pried yourself btwn me and my family. if thats not the case, you are still "new", baby or no, and they are not your kids. she has every right to choose who is with her kids.