How do i fall back in love?

Adjoa Anita - posted on 08/10/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )




I love my partner dearly but feel that im falling out of love with him. Has any one else experienced this? I really wanna get the feelings back that i used to have for him. Im just so upset and confused. Please help!


[deleted account]

I strongly believe that "feelings follow behavior". If you want to FEEL more loving then BE more loving. If you don't feel it, fake it. Remember all the fun, romantic, loving things YOU used to do and start making a point of doing them. Even if you feel stupid. As you do loving things you will find that you think more loving thoughts and that you feel more in love. The other person doesn't even have to do anything sometimes. Of course you're never again going to walk around in that giddy fog of love that you had at the beginning, but you can decide to put that warm loving and sexy feeling back into your relationship just by your own behavior. It's worked for me for 28 years. :-)


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Ashley - posted on 08/19/2010




I reccommend taking the time to read “Married and loving it! 7 Secrets to Enrich Your Marriage” by Michael E. Dixson. I have seen Mr. Dixon speak, on two differnt occasions (once with my hubby), and each time it was truely powerful and an eye opener! He's has a young family, a busy career, and can relate because he and his wife have been there.

This book is super easy to read. It's filled with humor, and 'realness," and most importantly practical information and exercises that can save your marriage and stir up those "old" feelings. Of course it's not a magic wand...both parties must be on board, but even if you are faced with a reluctant partner, I encourage you to put into practice some of the suggestions. Be consistant and patient, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by the results.

My hubby and I read this book together. Thirty mins. before bed (in bed, no tv) each night we would read aloud and discuss our thoughts, feeling, and/or reactions to the information. Many times the discussions would even spill over into the next day. It gave us the opportunity to share one-on-one time, communicate, and change and grow together as a couple. Make it light, fun, and hopefully a new chapter for you and your guy.

Wishing you success and blessings.

Falesha - posted on 08/13/2009




I have been here aswell and i do not think u can ever get it back but yet i dont think u can ever fall all the way out of love with anyone but as for those u told u to fake it and all that i do not think that is a good idea if u do not feel the same as u use to andcant fix it then u need out u should never feel like u are trapt in a realationship and u truely need love in ur life and if u dont have it with the one u are with u need out so u can find someone u do love and that loves u back. dont ever suffer cuz its what u think u need to do cuz what u need is for u and ur children to be happy and if u are unhappy so are ur kids

Amy - posted on 08/13/2009




I have a book and a movie for you to check out... book is 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. It makes so much sense. And the movie is a religious sort, but my husband loved it! It's called 'Fire Proof'. It just shows that no matter how in love a person is, things do change and you you have to work on it.
The book is really great, it helps you to understand how you and your partner send and recieve love (not everyone is the same) and how during courtship, you are sending out all love signals, but once you get truly comfortable, you go to what you perception of how to show love, which may not be the same as his.

Wow...sorry that was so long, but the book really helped my husband and I to reconnect.

Janelle - posted on 08/13/2009




I have 7 children and know what you mean. Depending where you are "hormonally" often has a great affect on feelings. If you just had a baby, give yourself time. Some one once said, Love is not a feeling it's an act of your will. If you act out your love, the feelings often follow close behind! :) Just remember the thing that drew you to him and what fun/meaningful times you had together It will come together again. But raising children while trying to be a sexy wife is not easy. It truly is a "mind" over matter thing. MAKE time for each other, it doesn't have to be $$, put the kids to bed early, and share a milkshake on the porch, play a fun card game, give each other a back rub. Love your guy and the sparks will flare up again!! Blessings to you as you re-ignite your marriage!

Michelle - posted on 08/10/2009




Sometimes if it's not there, it just isn't there. One of my past relationships was 5 years, and we just grew apart. We had different intrests and we were in different spots in our lives. I cared for him, but didn't love him the way I use to. We decided to go our seperate ways and I soon after got together with my now husband. We have been married 2 years now and have to work to keep things good! If your not willing to work on the relationship, you'd be better off to go do your own things. We have a date night once a month and try to talk about things everyday. We sit together at night and just relax and ALWAYS resolve any issues ASAP. We almost never go to bed angry and sometimes we just need time apart to do our own things. The only way to get those olds feelings back is to do the things that made you have them to start with. If it's ment to be it'll make it:0) Good luck.

Sharon - posted on 08/10/2009




I don't know how long you guys have been together but passion fades. You get busy with kids and life and romance takes a backseat.

Some women think love fades. It doesn't fade, we just quit making time for it. And its not the same - it changes. If you still respect your husband and admire him - then love is still there.

Remember back when you couldn't wait to get off work to go on a date? You weren't really sure what was planned - you were looking forward to looking your hottest - enjoying his company, funny wit?

How many of us in long committed relationships are still doing those things?

I'm not. 16 years later we barely have the energy for a shower before falling into bed at night. Sex isn't really fun any more - we scratch our itches, and go to sleep. We both know this is a temporary phase. Now that the kids are older our schedules are morphing.

You're not alone. I hope your husband is willing to work with you on this because it really takes two people to make it work.

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