How do I gain back some control of my 13 year old?

Mrs Hilary Claire - posted on 03/07/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

6

0

1

If I try to clamp down set boundaries or ground him he stays away more and situations escalate

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 03/07/2015

3,562

36

3907

I'm sorry, but I a just seeing a LOT of excuses (and am also wondering why you keep deleting your posts).

"I could not wash his clothes, I don't think he'd care."

Why does it matter whether he cares or not? Right there you admitted you would not stop doing things for him. I'm sorry, so he can treat you like crap....but you just let him walk all over you because you still do his washing, still cook his meals, still let him have everything in his bedroom. I'd be stripping his room right back to bare bones and letting him damn well earn it back. But your comment here is a perfect example of why he does what he does - because he knows there aren't really any true hardships involved with the consequences.

" I could do parenting classes but things are so easy to say much harder to do"

Really? You don't say! That's why they say parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. And this is yet another excuse you are using NOT to parent your child. I'm sorry, but anyone who can say this about parenting classes is clearly not going to take on any parenting advice I have. Because it will be hard. You are either going to have to accept that resolving this issue IS going to be harder to do than to say or your 13 year old is going to continue what he is doing, and probably even worse.

10 Comments

View replies by

Michelle - posted on 03/07/2015

5,046

8

3249

I'm wondering the same thing Dove. I have no idea what has been said so I can't really give advice.

Mrs Hilary Claire - posted on 03/07/2015

6

0

1

You are right on most of what you say. However I can't pick him up from school I finish work after him and don't drive. I could not wash his clothes, I don't think he'd care. Spoilt is one thing he is not, he has no tv, he's banned from family xbox and shares a phone with his brother to use face book etc. he's banned from that too. He has a basic phone for my benefit, which is the only thing I can take off him as he doesn't have gadgets. I could do parenting classes but things are so easy to say much harder to do

Jodi - posted on 03/07/2015

3,562

36

3907

So have consequences for when he stays out after school. Or start picking him up from school yourself. It doesn't matter if he doesn't agree with the boundaries. Have clear consequences for when he doesn't keep them. You seem to be having all these "chats" with him about consequences and boundaries, responsibility and respect, but not actually doing anything. Perhaps it is time for him to realise that everything he has in his room (perhaps except his mattress and a blanket and the basic clothing necessities) are privileges. This is YOUR house and YOUR rules. Stop allowing him to dictate what he may and may not do. If he has a phone, remove it. If he has a computer or tv, remove it. If you wash his laundry, stop. He can EARN his privileges. He sounds like a spoiled brat. He is 13 years old. If you don't do something about this now, I guarantee, it will only get worse.

Maybe you could look into some parenting classes to help you.

Jodi - posted on 03/07/2015

3,562

36

3907

I guess I'm not understanding why you can't set boundaries and consequences. He stays away where? It escalates how? Is this because you give in when he does these things so he thinks if he escalates it, he will get his own way? I see you have admitted that discipline hasn't exactly been consistent recently. This is definitely a big part of the issue. You have to stop letting him play you and dad off with each other.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms