how do i get my daughter to want to spend time with me? She's 17 and prefers spending all her time with her stepmom.


Jocelyn - posted on 05/30/2011




When I was 17 I didn't want to spend any time with my mom either, but I would gladly spend it with my friends moms! lol.

I'm 23 now and have a great relationship with my mom; don't worry. But if you want to increase your chances that she will WANT to spend time with you, try suggesting things that she likes to do that you can do together. For instance I really liked the theatre (still do! lol) so my mom would buy tickets for a new play, or take me to see a musical that I'd been talking about.


View replies by

Christy - posted on 05/30/2011




It's simple. The stepmom does not act as a mother. She's never been the enforcer, the one pushing homework and chores, the one enforcing what time to be home.

As the stepmom, she didn't want to take your role as mother and she simply wanted to keep the peace with the teenager, so she had to play it cool, which made it easier for her and your daughter to be friends.

Don't worry about their friendship. It may have helped your daughter work through her parents being divorced. At this point you may want to think about treating her as an adult, help her plan her future, and keep things between you as fun as possible.

Most kids pull away from their parents during their mid to late teenage years, anyway. I didn't tell my parents anything and practically counted down the days 'til I could leave home and be on my own.

[deleted account]

Let her know you love her and invite her to do fun things w/ you on occasion.... but I wouldn't push her or guilt her into it. I had virtually NO relationship w/ my mom from about 16 (when my parents divorced) til I was 25 (when my girls were born). We have a GREAT relationship now that was able to build and develop by spending time together focusing on my kids instead of each other. ;)

Linda - posted on 05/30/2011




Do things with her that SHE wants to do. Does she like to go to the mall? Go with her. Does she like to go to movies, or hike in the woods, or go to sporting events, or even play board games, or (dare I mention it) even play computer games? Friends of ours have what the call "Daddy dates" and "Mommy dates" where the child gets to spend time with them one-on-one and do what THEY want to do. So set up a "Mommy date" with her!

Rhodes - posted on 05/30/2011




I think it's because her stepmom lives closer to her friends. I have tried to talk to her about it. But it pushes her farther away. I think it makes her feel guilty because she see's how sad it makes me. now her stepmom and dad are getting a divorce, yet she still chooses to live with her stepmom.

Jenni - posted on 05/30/2011




Can you think of any possible reasons she prefers spending time with her over you?

Maybe they just have more similar personalities?

Who did/does she live with the most?

Have you talked to her about how you feel?

Maybe she might be able to answer this question better than any of us.

Need more info please.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms