How do I get through to her

Tonya - posted on 01/18/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




A little over three years ago I adopted my husbands three girls. At the time they were 9, 7, and 5 years old. We had his oldest for a full year before the younger two came to live with us. Within that year her and I grew very close and still are to this day. Once the younger two came to live with us things began to change very quickly. They had been abused by their stepfather and pretty much left to fend for themselves while with their bio-mom. When the younger two arrived it was counseling and lots of one on one time to try and get them to feel safe, as well as, help them through what they had gone through. The first year they were with us I was able to spend every morning with the youngest due to her being in kindergarten so we were able to bond. Her and I are very close as well, in fact she is my little helper and follows me everywhere I go. My problem is with the middle child. She was the one that got the brunt of the beatings, took most of the responsibilities on as far as taking care of the two of them and was pretty much alone for most of her life before she came to live with us. Over the past few years she has made tremendous strides on improving in school as well as emotionally. However, our relationship is very hot and cold. She so desperately wants me to mother her, always wanting to cuddle and be held and loved on, she has a very big heart. With that said, in the same breath she has a very shot temper. If crossed, reprimanded or asked to do something she does not want to do, she will turn very disrespectful and rude toward me. (My husband, their father, works a lot so I am the primary care provider.) It has gotten to the point where she is now bad mouthing me toward her counselor and lying about the most ridiculous things. I desperately want to help her and be as close with her as I am with the other two, but her constant attitude toward me is making it very hard. She is turning 12 in February, and my fear is if something isn't done soon once she gets into middle school or high school she will be so out of control and we wont be able to handle her. Please any advice or feedback would be most helpful.....


Christy - posted on 01/18/2012




My nephew went through this, although no siblings. He came to his Dad's at age 4, and he is 15 now. It is hot and cold with everyone as well. All I can tell you is offer the utmost support and stay consistent. My nephew is having a messed up time since his Dad works all the time and he falls back on himself. Counseling is a good thing, too. Good luck.

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