How Do I Leave?

Leonor - posted on 07/11/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )




Hi. I Am a 48 year old woman in a bad situation.

I have been independent and hard working my entire life, until I was injured, TBI, 2.5 years ago. My entire life has changed, including my skill sets. I used to be strong and capable. Now I have been fighting the after effects of the TBI with everything I have, but I am still not capable of returning to the workforce. I've fought against constant migraines, and just recently won. I'm still battling chronic pain, exhaustion, and adjusting to slower cognitive skills. In short, I'm disabled and I don't know how to get through life like this.

I have no family to turn to. I do have a 19 yr old daughter. I am living with my fiance, who has been supporting me. It's not working out. My daughter has also moved into the basement apartment to get through school, after rejecting me post injury, terribly.

My once broad and independent life has shrunk to to the point I live in a household with two people who are verbally abusive to me. I can't take it. My fiance is nice, but controlling, until the point he is so abusive verbally I would rather be punched. It would hurt less. He has called me a c*** for three hours straight. He tears me to shreds. We met before my injury, and we're friends. He was the only person I knew who wasn't just upset I couldn't be what I'd previously been for them. He was kind. I was so out of it that when the verbal abuse started, I really couldn't tie days together. You kind of live in the moment. Poor memory etc made everything else a blur. I've been improving, and now see the cycle. Super nice for about a week or two, but controlling, then an explosion. I'm put down called names etc and broken up with. I get terrified of homelessness. So scared it hurts more than I can bear, and every time I try to figure out how to move out and live, and I can't. Then we make up, but he's never remorseful. He really thinks I deserve it. He has recently agreed to seek counseling, but that's the day after. It will pass. I need an advocate. Someone to help me navigate my new disability, but I don't know "the system." I do know AS I will take years. I do not know how to begin or survive until it comes thru

He doesn't tear me down in front of my daughter, who is never home anyway. But she does tear me down. To shreds. I am "bat shi** crazy" When she first came home, I spent ALL my energy trying to help her get health insurance, into school, buy a decent wardrobe, etc. Funny I could do that, but the systems she needed to navigate were ones I'd been through before, school etc. I don't know why I am paralyzed navigating the new stuff I need. But she says I just sit on my butt all day and ask 'him' for money, etc etc. Cursing. She won't help with anything. She hates me. Out loud, and it is very painful.

So my once navigable big world is a small place full of pain, fear, rejection. I have been at a point where I have more physical and emotional pain than I can cope with and think dieing is the only way out more and more frequently. I am afraid I might do it. I have told my Dr point blank that I am in more pain than I am willing to live with.. Kaiser. No help there. I'm really not getting much help for my TBI even, other than what I can research and come up with.

So my question for you all is this: Where do I go in Oregon to find an advocate who will help me find resources for counseling, housing, etc? I am owed $25000 from an attorney for the settlement on my accident, and I can't even get that. The attorney isn't honoring our agreement and has added such major "costs" to his percentage, I'd get very little. I need ad hoc legal assistance as well before that is lost for good. I can't even handle organizing myself enough to find help.

I am open to advice, just please be kind. Please help me.

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