How do I make my husband understand the right thing to do?

Janelle - posted on 09/05/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )




I'm a 25 years old who is married to a 26 year old, wonderful man. I had Jayden, my son at a pretty young age with a boy I was dating. I knew from the start that he would never be able to be a good dad until he did A LOT of growing up. He left town when my son was only 4 months old. His priorities were partying and doing drugs. Pretty common these days. Then, I met my husband. He is very responsible and mature for our age. He owns his own business and does very well. He has never done drugs and has never even been drunk in his life. He not only fell in love with me but he fell in love with my young son as well. Jayden started calling him dad, which kind of freaked me out thinking that he wouldn't like it. He completely embraced it and he is the best and most loving father that I could ever hope for Jayden to have. The things he does for us still amazes me today. He decided that he wanted to adopt my son, so we went to court to get the biological dad's rights taken away. After a lot of searching I got ahold of him and let him know what we wanted to do. He completely agreed and said it was best for our child and he apologized for being a bad father and never paying a dime towards raising him. When it came down to getting his address to serve the paper work he ignored me and I haven't talked to him since. He probably thought I was trying to trick him into getting served child support paper work. We were still able to terminate the rights, thank God. Anyways!..Now that my son has just recently turned 5 and started school, we think he's old enough to tell him the truth about his real dad and break the devistating news that the man he loves so much is not his real dad. We're gonna have the talk this Sunday. I don't think I have ever been more scared in my damn life. I'm still not completely sure how to explain everything. At first my husband didn't want to let him know at all. After many talks he finally understands how important it is that Jayden knows the truth. My real problem now is, what about the real dad? What if my son wants to get ahold of him? It would be wrong to keep Jayden from meeting him! My husband doesn't want them meeting at all. He's afraid of Jayden being alone with the real dad. He says that why should that guy get the credit of being the dad when I'm the one who really cares and loves him. He worries that we will end up the bad guys when we have to discipline him and he'll want to run off to his dad's who in my husband's mind will let him do whatever he wants because he just doesn't care. I have those fears too plus more! But it is so wrong and selfish to keep my son away from the guy that gave him life...Even if that's the only thing he has done for him, right???? I'm hoping he will eventually do what's right when all his feelings calm down. Turns out the real dad is married with a 7 month old and lives in this state again. I know that he would want to meet Jayden if I got ahold of him. When do I let my son meet him? Do I wait till my son asks to meet him? What if he is still not responsible? How do I explain to my husband that all this stuff is about Jayden, not us. My husband also thinks the guy should have to pay child support if he wants to be in Jayden's life. And it's not about the money at all. He is just hoping that the dad won't want to see Jayden if he has to pay to help raise him. Is that wrong for my husband to make him pay if he want to be my son's life? Sorry this is so long! I'm just really freaking out I have so many more questions running through my mind. I'm so scared for my son and I just want to do the right thing for him. Any bit of advice would help so much! Thank you.

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