How do I meddle without Meddling?

Cerina - posted on 04/04/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




Family question your opinions please...
My husband just asked for my opinion and I really don't know where I stand. He is the oldest of 4 children at 28 and he just caught his 14 year old sister hiding her BF in her room. We live on the second floor. She is on spring break and has been home alone all week. She admitted to having him there the day before and swore they had not been intimate. He wants to know if he should tell their mom.
He kicked out the boy and made her promise that he would never come over without an adult present and that she would never go to his place. I feel like he should tell their mother. He does not want to lose what little trust she may have in him. I feel like despite her promise she should be punished.
I know the relationship between mother and daughter has been strained. Mom had another baby 3 years ago and remarried this year. Is having mom punish her worth losing trust in the only person she has left to confide in?


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/04/2014




If you are living in his mother's home, and the child defied her mother's house rules, by all means, her mother should be told!

And, your husband should have never agreed NOT to tell her.

Look at it this way. Put yourself and your husband into the position of 'parent/homeowner', and a fictional son & daughter in law into your positions, and a fictional 14 yo in that position, and tell me this (and ask your husband in this same manner): If WE were the parents in this situation, would we want our adult son to tell us that he found his 14 YO sister hiding a boy in her room?

Also, she's already lied and deceived by bringing the boy home, when she isn't allowed to do so, so how do you know that she's telling the truth about not being intimate? Answer: you do not. How will your husband feel if his sister turns out to be pregnant after this less than well thought out adventure?

"he kicked the boy out and made her promise that he would never come over without an adult"...But, she'd already broken that promise to her mother, what makes him think she's going to keep it with him? The child needs to learn that lying gets her nowhere, and actually loses her credibility with people.

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