How do I overcome irrational and real fears about my children getting hurt.

Carina - posted on 02/21/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )




I'm often scared that I'd live longer than my children, or that something bad would happen to them.


Elfrieda - posted on 02/21/2011




Right after my son was born, I felt like I was having a heart attack and I couldn't breathe, just thinking of things that could go wrong, like maybe he would die for no reason, or maybe there would be an accident, or an illness, or somebody snatching him.
Then I realized that God gave me this baby to take care of, not to own. He's not mine, he's God's baby. I will do the best I can, and leave the rest to God. It really has helped me to see it that way.

Victoria - posted on 02/21/2011




I know it sounds stupid, but you can't protect your children from everything. So that's why we take precautions. Speak with your pediatrician about immunization and decide if it's what you want to do (I strongly recommend the normal dose of shots, but I'm undecided on the chicken pox vaccine). Baby proof your house, but remember that it's ok for kids to eat dirt, it build their immune system. And most kids get kicked in the head once at the swing, they learn not to get so close. And on your end, make sure you have updated your will updated. Never hurts to have all the bases covered.
Don't forget to talk with your pediatrician about your feelings. LOTS of women have those feelings, but if they are bothering you, you need to talk with someone about it. Pediatricians and OB/GYN's are good people to speak with about what's going on. They are very well suited to help with all sorts of mommy problems.

Laura - posted on 02/22/2011




I never realized that so many moms share these fears! I don't recall ever worrying about my daughter dying or something happening to her father or me. Of course, having a will/trust helps with knowing that IF something were to happen to my husband or me that our daughter would be cared for as we wished. Worrying about something happening to my daughter seems like a waste of my time, quite frankly, as there is too much of LIFE to experience before dying. That's not to say that I don't have "concerns" about her safety and security as she gets older--I do--I choose not to let my concerns interfere unneccessarily with my daughter's ability to mature and experience her life.

If your fears are interfering with your ability to cope on a daily basis, then consider seeking professional help. A counselor or therapist can help you learn appropriate coping skills for your fears. Irrational fears are those things that frighten you but actually pose no threat. It would be irrational of me to fear my daughter being attacked or killed by a shark since we do not live anywhere near the ocean! A therapist can help sort out those types of fears. Real fears, such as being hit by a car (my own personal concern), pose a different problem. For example, we live on a very busy road that my daughter crosses frequently to go to the Boys & Girls Club in our town. I have taught her safe street-crossing practices and I let her use them on her own (she's 12). Yes, this can be seen as quite scary! The benefits of her being able to safely cross the street on her own to go to a place that she enjoys out-weigh my concerns for her, however. Crossing the street isn't about me or my concerns--it's about HER gaining some independence and growing up! So I try to put my concerns into perspective of what is gained or lost for my daughter. Then I find ways that will lower any risks and teach them to her or have her learn from others. I control what I can (which isn't much if you think about it) and off she goes! If I gave in to my concerns about her crossing the street then she would never leave our yard and that, in th elong run, would be more harmful to her than taking that risk and crossing a busy street. So I feel that twinge of fear then immediately let it go because it serves no purpose in the greater scheme of my daughter's life. I hope this helps some and best of luck to you!

Tinker1987 - posted on 02/21/2011




You sound just like me. the only thing i can say is treasure every moment and take each day as blessing.We can spend hours worrying about what hasnt happened,or what we cannot change.or we can live life to the fullest and enjoy our kids. talk to someone a friend,doctor,family member when your feeling this anxiety. your fears are totally normal.

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Carolyn - posted on 09/04/2012




You totally said what I need to hear and what I have known for quite some time...I have felt that I am inhibiting her emotional growth by not allowing her to make these steps toward independence but I dont know that I can make myself and the guilt I feel for it...I'm afraid to even say this, but I am terrified that someone will snatch her and I cant get past it. We lived in a quiet town where just a mile from our house a man snatched a girl from her bedroom with the cruelest and most horrific outcome and I just cannot let my guard down about it. I say to myself...Well, statistically she'll be fine...or Well we dont live in a bad area....she's 14 by the way...I like your approach but how do I dare implement it?

Tina - posted on 02/23/2011




My biggest fear would have to be anything happening to my kids I don't think I could handle anything happening to them. Especially since just after my son was born i had a nightmare that i found him and my partner drowned. My mother in law use to live on a houseboat until recently and kept asking about baby sitting my son i just wasn't comfortable him being there without me. I feel a bit better now she's not on a houseboat anymore. Obviously i can't always stop him from going near water but i can teach him a healthy respect around water by teaching him to swim and what and what not to do around water. I think that goes for most things. I think it's natural to be a little over protective of your children. But they've still got to live.

Melissa - posted on 02/22/2011




I think as long as it isn't debilitating, it is a "healthy" concern. If you find yourself obsessing about it and/or it interferes with how you live your life or the choices you make (or don't make) then you should talk to professional, be it your pediatrician or ob/gyn. They may be able to help calm your fears or point you in the direction of some one who can.
I occasionally find myself worrying about my son (he's almost 4) getting hurt in some way. I feel like it's normal. :)

User - posted on 02/22/2011




carina ,i feel like that at times ,i have five daughters and my youngest has autism ,i have no extended family so if me and her dad die there would be know one to look after her ,the fear of her being taken into care or no one there to look after her as a adult in this world terrifies me ,i think we love our children so much that we know no one will ever look after them lie we will ,its really frightening and i dont think its irrational i think you are just being a good caring mum x

Louise - posted on 02/22/2011




I understand what you are saying I get these thoughts too. I have older children of nearly 20 and 17 and a 2 year old and I am constantly thinking what would happen to my 2 year old should something happen to me.

I have to say than once your child moves out the house like my eldest son that feeling goes away. Strange but true. My son moved out last September to go to uni and at first I worried all the time is he eatting enough is he safe, but now I am completly relaxed he has proved to me he can take care of himself, he is an adult and I have done a good job of raising him.

I still have these thoughts about the future but I can do nothing about it so I am of the opinion now that I can either dwell on the negative or make a positive step to live each day as it comes. My daughter is fine and so am I, and I will fight tooth and nail to stay around to raise my daughter. Don't let these dark thoughts take hold, smile and live life to the full.

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