How do I stop 13 year old from stealing, lying and hoarding?

Marie - posted on 10/21/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




My thirteen year old daughter has, over the course of the last 8 months, began to steal things from me, lie compulsively and bully her twin sister.

She steals anything and everything. She denies everything although I have found a ton of stuff in her room - most of it, mine. The stuff ranges from petty to extremely personal. She flies into a black rage if I approach her on it or anything in general. She exhibits tendencies of violence. She is defiant and highly confrontational when she feels like it.

She sets "traps" so to speak to see if I've been in her room. Generally, I don't ever ever go in there because I don't like to invade their privacy. However, when I'm beginning to question my own sanity (as in, did I lose that bottle of hairspray??), then I have to search.

On the permission of the other twin (I'll call her twin B), I asked if I could search her room as a premise to searching the other - while in their presence. She agreed and I found nothing in her room. Twin A totally flipped out and wouldn't let me near her room or school bag.

She steals and hoards food (snacks). I found a full litre of juice in her dresser drawer amongst much of my makeup that I thought I lost, a bunch of my underwear and my boyfriend's daughter's bra...what set me over the top last night was when I found a set of brand new pastels in her dresser. They are from the school. I didn't buy them and they don't hand them out in school.

I have no idea how to handle this whatsoever.

As an aside, their lives have been generally unstable for many years. My former marriage was highly abusive...much of which they witnessed at a young age. Drawn through courts over the last umpteen years has only fed their insecurities. We have moved a lot over the years because their father would always come looking for us (he has no access nor custody and there is a restraining order in place).

Why just the one twin?

I sorry if this sounds totally incoherant but I'm just writing as I think and, at this point, I'm hardly thinking straight.

Thank you.


Michelle - posted on 10/21/2012




I think maybe you need to get some counseling for your daughter to help her deal with her issues and to get to the bottom of her anger then you will probably get things back on track. Everyone deals with stress differently and this is what she is doing. My suggestion though is family counseling where each one of you is going so she doesn't feel singled out tell her you want everyone to go so your family can heal.

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