How do I tell my child that her dad isn't her biological father?

Claudia - posted on 09/27/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




My daughter is turning 6 this december and I think it may be time to tell her about her origin but I don't know how to tell her.


Ariana - posted on 09/27/2013




Although telling them from birth is the easiest way it's by no means to late. Also this is an ongoing conversation, it's not a sit down, tell her how it is, and then it's over. Definitely don't wait to tell her though because once she's about 8/9 telling her something like that could make her feel tricked by you, but at 6 you're probably still safe on that note.

Although the best time to do it is when it comes about naturally you might just go tell her. Do you know anyone who's pregnant or has a baby? You could reference how so and so has a baby in her tummy and she's the mom and this is the dad. It's like our blood-line. Then explain age-appropriately that she has her dad in her life now, but she also has her 'biological dad' who is the one who helped make her (like you helped make her in your tummy).

See if she has any questions about it and explain it as best as you can, but really it's just a matter of being straight-forward and talk to her about it in a calm normal manner. This isn't a traumatic experience it's just a part of life, and most kids will see it that way. Once you've explained see how she reacts and give her the information she needs.

It's one of those things that should be an ongoing conversation. You tell her, and then later if another moment arises bring it up in conversation, it doesn't need to turn into a big issue. She's going to need new information, and will understand things differently as she gets older.

So either just bring it up, or find some reference to babies and how their made and go from their. I don't know the situation but also plan on what you'll say about where the father is and why he isn't around.

For that that's up to you, but 1 - don't say anything negative about the father, even if it's true
2- be age appropriate, but don't lie either
3- make sure you highlight that the reasons for him not being around have nothing to do with her. He wasn't ready at that point in his life, he couldn't handle things etc. etc. (or whatever the situation may be). You don't want her to think it has anything to do with her because it doesn't.

Hope that's helpful!


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User - posted on 03/02/2014




My husbands exwife waited till there was an abuse case on her and her father and i got full custudy to tell our 9yr old my husband might not be his! My husband signed her birth certificate and raised her since birth! My husband has always been told ahe was his child and never denied the fact! Do u think thats mwntal abuse? Im in need for advice on how to help this baby with her questions and she is very torn apart hearing this so sudden!

Cecilia - posted on 09/27/2013




Why didn't you tell her from the beginning?

As for how, you just got to sit down and say you have another father. Explain that nothing has changed. That her dad still loves her. That you wanted her to know. Let her ask questions and answer them honestly. (although age appropriate)

The longer you wait to do this the worse it is going to get.

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