How do I tell my granddaughter we don't know who her father is?

Heather - posted on 08/10/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




When my daughter was 14 she skipped school with a friend. They met a man who told them his nick name and bought some vodka for them to drink. She passed out and woke up to him rapping her. She never saw this man again and never got his full legal name. After she had her daughter she met another man that she married and moved in with. Because this man was much older then her and I didn't approve of him I was able to get full custody of my granddaughter. She has been with my husband (her STEP grandfather) and I all her life and we told her we are her grandparents. She calls me Momma and her mother Mommy and calls my husband Daddy. She thinks he is her father cause that is all she has. Since she doesn't know or understand about sex yet she hasn't put it together that her grandfather can't be her father. I know I have to tell her that he isn't her real father but I am so scared to hurt her. I don't know when the right time is to tell her. She is going into second grade this year and I want to talk to her about sex but if I do I know she will put it together. Then she may keep the confusion inside and not talk to us about it. So I think telling her the whole truth is best in the long run... but not sure. We want to legally adopt her so he will be her real father. And no matter what he feels he is her father but we worry that it may mess up her head to know she will never know who her real father is and that her mother was rapped and she is a product of rape......If you had to deal with this kind of situation, please tell me how you handled it. I don't know what to do and I am so sad that her spirit will be crushed.


Sarah - posted on 08/10/2012




That would be so hard to hear from your own child at 14 I am sorry.

I don't know how old one is in second grade (i was home schooled) but I feel that maybe young to talk about the idea of rap. I would wait till she is older if you have to talk about that at all.

You can maybe let her know that we are both your grandma and grandpa but we have been with you for so long we want to be your mommy and daddy. Let her know that you love her to the moon and back.

If she knows who her real mom is let her know that she needed help raiser her maybe and that's why you have been taking care of her.

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