Elizabeth - posted on 09/07/2011 ( 213 moms have responded )
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How do you respond when you have to discipline your child out in a public place? My daughter had to take her 5 year old daughter aside privately and she gave her a quick spank, not abusive, but another woman yelled that it was child abuse and she should not do that. I know that spanking has a controversial thought as it is, but it was in no way abusive and it was done in private in a bathroom stall. At what point do we let the other person know that they should mind their own business? It's not always an option waiting until they get home.
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Sherri - posted on 09/07/2011
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Spanking is not abuse in any state in the US JuLeah so you have no right to intervene or even speak a word since a spanking is not abuse.
Natasha - posted on 09/07/2011
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I am a single parent to a 17 year old son and I took him everywhere with me when he was younger. We had a "code" word between the two of us and if he was doing something that I didn't approve of, all I had to do was say "the word". It was a silly word that we both came up with so it didn't embarrass him when I said it. Also, it helps if you say what you mean and mean what you say. This way children understand that you mean business. Good Luck.. It worked for me. :)
Sherri - posted on 09/07/2011
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Forget it JuLeah really you are NOT getting my point what so ever. Really it was used as an example However, do I or have I yelled at my kids most definitely and have I grabbed their arm to get their attention as they try to walk away yes, not violently but yes I have held there arm. However, I am also a parent that condones spanking as well. However, we don't use spankings past around 3yrs old.
Am I knocking those who don't hell no. Different things work for different families. However, I take offense that I can not yell at my child, spank them or anything else for fear of people like you calling the authorities. It is ludacris. Just because you may not agree in no way makes it wrong or even relatively breaks any laws.
Whether you are a mandatory reporter or not you should be able to tell the difference between abuse and a difference in parenting. However, I feel you feel your way is the only way and so you will call on any parent who has a different way of parenting and that is a crying shame.
Jodi - posted on 09/07/2011
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Well, it IS actually considered abuse in over 30 countries (developed and forward thinking countries) around the world. In many others, there are restrictions on the usage of spanking. So it's really a matter of opinion as to whether it is abuse or not. You are entitled to your opinion, and the lady who watches you spank your child is entitled to hers.
Discipline in public as you would at home. If other people's opinions on your discipline method bother you, and you can't ignore it, then perhaps you should reconsider your methods of discipline. If you are comfortable with the way you discipline your child, then why is it bothering you what someone else's opinion is?
Personally, I don't understand why it is ok to hit a child, but not ok to hit an adult. So obviously, I don't hit my children in public, but I do discipline in public in the same way I do at home. My kids don't act up in public. Even when they were younger, it was a very rare occurrence. A 5 year old should know how to behave in public without requiring a spanking. I question how very bad her behaviour was to need a spank.
JuLeah - posted on 09/07/2011
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You grab your kids by the arm and yell? This is not discipline, btw.
I discipline my child in public all the time, just as I do at home.
I never want her to think it is okay for someone to manhandle her, disrespect her body, shame her .... if I treat her like that, I fear she will allow others to do the same, or worse, disrespect her own body
I can't even envision a situation where I would grab her by the arm, yell, or hit her.
She is an amazing kid, kind hearted, sweet, well mannered, cares about the feelings of others, listens well, makes great effort to 'do the right thing' - is willing to try new things ... I can and have always taken her with me nearly every place I go.
Some events are adult only of course, but I have not found a social situation she doesn't fit with ...
I guess I am going with the don't fix what aint broken idea ... I couldn't ask for a better kid, for lack of a better phrase, so I won't be changing my parenting style at this point
Understand too, I come from a community where people just don’t ever hit their kids. It is viewed as criminal here even if not considered so by the law.
And, we have really great kids – they care about the world they live in, about themselves, each other, their future … excel in school, have many interests …
So, it can be done
My daughter is not grown yet, and I have not been through the teen years, but my hope/idea is, if we move through those years from a place of respect and trust, we will come out the other side with respect and trust