How do you explain to your 4 year old daughter that the person she knows as daddy isnt her daddy?

Taryn - posted on 02/12/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




Ok, so my daughter is 4 years old and doesn't know her biological father, he hasn't been in her life since she was 5 months old, after I separated from her father I moved out of state and started dating a guy that I had known for a long time, he took on the role of "daddy" and is the only "daddy" my daughter knows. We were engaged to be married and he raised her but now we are no longer together and he is out of state. My daughter asks about her "daddy" all the time and he left on bad terms so I don't know what to say to her. I was thinking it might be time to talk to her about her biological father but I don't know how to do that without confusing her since she has no idea who he is...HELP! I don't want her to be sad and I thought maybe if she knew that the guy she thinks is her daddy isn't her real daddy and she wouldn't be so upset that he is gone, but then i have to worry about explaining why her biological father is gone too...any ideas?


Nikki - posted on 02/12/2012




It will be difficult to explain until she is fully able to comprehend how babies are made. Maybe at this age you could keep it simple by saying that she has two dads, the one that she knows and another dad that helped her to be born. When she is older you can get into specifics.


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User - posted on 02/12/2012




A friend of mine had two dads. She had the man that raised her "Dad" and the man that had donated sperm, "Father" You could try something like that.

Krista - posted on 02/12/2012




Nikki's advice is good. I've seen this happen in a lot of cases, and the mother just puts it off and puts it off, and the child winds up finding out from someone else, and it gets ugly.

The way that Nikki phrased it is good, and you can then adjust how much information you give her as she grows up and becomes more mature.

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