How do you know when ur done having kids?

Latoya - posted on 04/30/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )




I'm 25 and have discussed an elective hysterectomy with my doctor. He told me he can do it, but that I may want to wait, b/c I'm still so "young". He also pointed out that I'm a single mom and if the "right guy" comes along, he may want children of his own. I have 3 children (ages: 7, 4 and 2) and feel that I don't want to have anymore. Opinions or advice??


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Sharon - posted on 05/08/2010




i knew I was done when I reached the end of my financial resources and when my daughter began to grow out of babyhood and I realised I didn't miss it (babyhood). I was looking forward to sleeping through the night, getting a parttime job to have some mad money. when I realised I didn't want my body to go through pregnancy any more.

I wanted to enjoy the children I have and the time I had available. I wanted it to be about THEM because I loved them that much.

Do you anticipate marrying a millionaire? Or at least a professional of some standing and income who can provide not only for your existing 3 kids but more? Or do you think you'll marry a bus driver? Hey, i'm not knocking it, its a good job with decent pay and great benefits (at least around here) but lets face it, its also limited.

I think the hysterectomy is a bit extreme. The coils, implants don't seem to be that great, I think having your tubes tied is sufficient.

You never know what the future holds and you seem to be just a little indecisive.

Frances - posted on 05/08/2010




You may want to talk to your gynocologist about some of the newer contraceptives that are available if this is not contrary to your beliefs. One never knows at any age what life has in store for us. Your doctor doesn't want you to have regrets later in life.

Latoya - posted on 05/04/2010




First, I want to say "Thank You" to all of these replies :)
I have had Cervical cancer... and there was concern of it spreading, so yes, that was part of it. (Sorry for not explaining that...) There is no cancer now, so there's no need to rush into anything- but I guess I am really only looking at it from the kid aspect. I don't want anymore. I have had numerous miscarriages and am really done being on that roller coaster. It seems like I get pregnant when a guy glances at me.
I just want to enjoy my kids and watch them grow up into awesome people. I know that having it done would send me into immediate menopause... which yes, is a down side. I guess I can put it off for a while to think.
Thanks again for all of your input :)

[deleted account]

I agree with just about everyone's postings. I would not have the hysterectomy as a birth control measure, although you do not mention any other reasons for wanting one. You may have some health issues that would warrant this, but I would try to hold off on having this major surgery as long as possible as (as others have pointed out) it will put you into immediate menopause which carries its own difficulties. A tubal ligation is far less invasive permanent birth control method if you are certain you do not want any more children.

Lucy - posted on 05/03/2010




I think that even if you are 100% sure you don't want any more kids, a hysterectomy is totally unnecessary!

It will induce an early menopause which can cause literally hundreds of unpleasant (and some permanent) side effects such as hot flushes, very dry skin, lack of libido, increased facial and body hair, osteoporosis, depression, mood swings, fatigue, need I go on?

I won't be arrogant enough to tell you that you may change your mind about having more kids, as everyone is different and I'm sure you know your own mind. But there are so many other reliable ways to avoid another pregnancy without resorting to major surgery that will send your body totally out of whack.

Here in the UK, even if a woman is having problems that could be addressed with a hysterectomy, doctors will try just about anything first to avoid it. A hysterectomy is a last resort, and should remain so.

Louise - posted on 05/01/2010




I am surprised that the doctor has agreed to this! In England you would have no chance of such an operation so young. Why not think about long term inplants that will last five years. I think your doctor is right, if your knight in shining armour does arrive and you run off into the sunset together and he does not have kids how will you feel. A hysterectomy if final, no going back! Think about it for another 5 years and then if you still feel the same go back and see the doctor.

Peita - posted on 05/01/2010




Your doctor is right, a hysterectomy is a huge deal, there is no reversing it!! You are very young, give it time!! After my 3rd child I had major complications that required a hysterectomy to save my life and 6 months on I still feel like I am missing something! We had already decided no more children, but it is a huge thing to go through!! I was 29 when I had mine!! Whatever you choose, i hope everything works out, ultimately it is your descision and no-one elses!

[deleted account]

You KNOW when you're absolutely done. I mean it. There isn't a hint of doubt in your mind. I had three children and thought I was done or "pretty sure" or thought "I really shouldn't have any more." I elected to get an IUD. I am SO thankful I did that. Sure enough... years later. I decided I wanted "one more" child. LOL, and then decided to have "one more." So, I now have an almost 21, 19, 15, 5, and 3. I AM SO DONE! I adore all my children and feel blessed by them all. The difference now.... the thought of having another child puts fear into me. I would be horrified if I got pregnant. I so do not see a future with any more children for me. It's just such a different feeling than before. Before I was more logical in thinking I was done. I was so fatigued in my decision. I didn't think I had anything more to give. I wanted to get on with my life. I felt like my family was complete. NOW, I KNOW (not feel) my family is complete/done/finished. I'm totally ecstatic with my family size. I don't give away the last of my youngest's clothes or baby stuff with any hesitation. Just know... You won't have to even ask the question when you know you're done. It doesn't mean you will want to have more children later. I would just say at this point you shouldn't rule it out.

Iridescent - posted on 04/30/2010




There have been many good points from previous posters. One I'd like to add is that there is another 100% effective method of birth control on the market, Essure, which will not cause some of the side effects and is not a major surgical procedure like a hysterectomy is if you should choose to become permanently sterile at any point. If you haven't heard of it, you may want to check into it.

Jodi - posted on 04/30/2010




I agree with your doctor. I think taking such a permanent step at your age is something you MAY end up regretting. I thought, when I split with my ex when I was 30, that I would never have any more. I had a 2 year old son at the time.

I remarried, and had a daughter at age 36 and that has been a blessing for both my husband and myself.

The way you feel at 25, may not be the way you feel 10 years from now. Your life may be very different. your kids will be much older, you may be remarried and decide you'd like to have just one more turn, and the opportunity to raise a child with a wonderful man in your life to raise that child with you.

I think you should consider a more temporary birth control at this point, and give it some more time before making a definite decision.

I, too, am curious about the reason for a full hysterectomy at your age, when there are other alternatives. Are you having some sort of problem?

[deleted account]

If you are quite certain that you would not want children the I would suggest getting your tubes cut, tied and burned.

A hysterectomy is severe surgery. A hysterectomy will send you into immediate menopause, which is NOT pleasant. It will also have other health consequences that you may not have considered(early bone loss and increase risk of certain cancers due to hormone changes, etc). A hysterectomy should not be used for birth control purposes. Do you have a family history of uterine or ovarian Cancer that you are going to this extreme?

Tracy - posted on 04/30/2010




I knew I was done at 34 when I had my daughter. I was just done. I love my kids, but I do not want more, period. I wanted the dr to tie my tubes, but he refused. It didn't help my arguement that my husband was standing there promising to go get himself snipped instead. That wasn't going to help me, I was leaving him and he doesn't keep his promises. Oh, and not only do I just not want anymore, but my dr told me that it may be very detrimental to my health to get pregnant again. So, I have an IUD now.

I'm curious at the hysterectomy, though. WHY would he take that out? Not only is that major surgery, but the uterus is a very important organ for our hormones. I've never heard of a dr taking a uterus out for mere birth control reasons.

Emma - posted on 04/30/2010




i really think i dont want any more children i have 3 girls aged 3, 2 aged 4 months, i couldnt imagine wanting anymore but you can never predict the future! im going to have the implant because i believe it is very reliable but im 27 and woulnt even consider something so permanent like a hysterectomy! i say dont do it you might regret it in a few years!

Heather - posted on 04/30/2010




Think back to when you were 20, and how much your life, views, etc has changed in 5 years. A hysterectomy is so permanent, and unless you are 110% sure you never want children, under any circumstances, you shouldn't do it. There are other options for long term birth control, I have friends who are on depo, and one who is using mirena (5 years with the iud in place). I would also like to point out that since you posted this, it does sound like you aren't positive. Only you know what is right for you and your body, but i would definitely take some time before making such a huge and permanent decision.

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