How do you teach your kids to express their anger?

Emily - posted on 12/11/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )




Hi Moms! I've been pondering this question a lot lately. How do we teach our kids to express their anger in a HEALTHY way. They are not allowed to hit, or bite, or throw things or yell at people. So how SHOULD they act when they get mad? How should they express themselves? I have three year old girl/girl twins and I've started to encourage them to talk it out. But I was wondering what your thoughts were. Any suggestions and/or advice is welcome. Cheers!


JuLeah - posted on 12/11/2010




Let them see you angry. Let them be angry. I hear so many parents tell their kids, "Don't get angry"
Let them see you angry with others, angry with them.
3 year olds hit when mad, it takes time to learn self control, but they can sure try for that now.
"Use your words" is a good expression. But, really, they will copy you. If you, when angry, throw toys and scream. If you hit your friends, bite your mother, pull hair, kick and throw food .... they will also do that as adults.

If you can get angry, use your words, express yourself, listen and not just talk, reason, walk away for a minute if you need to, remain respectful of others, remain respectful of yourself .... then as adults, odds are they will follow your lead.


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Stifler's - posted on 12/11/2010




i don't know. but being angry and throwing shit isn't for no reason, it's usually because there is an issue that hasn't been resolved. instead of expressing my anger like a twat and calling my husband names i resolve the issue.

Iysha - posted on 12/11/2010




well, m daughter is 17 months and from the first time she bit me, i put a stop to it with my voice and "the look." now when she gets mad she will lay on the floor and cry...she doesnt have the words to express her anger but crying is better than biting or hitting. When she's done i just say, 'feel better?" and hold her and give her a toy or her sippy cup and it's over and done with. I took a class on stress management and in it, i learned that anger was a result of sadness or hurt so, when my daughter is old enough and is angry, i plan on asking her things like, " what made you feel sad? can you tell me why you feel hurt? What can we do to make you feel happy?" things like that.

Schyla - posted on 12/11/2010




I allow my children to get upset (not in a dangerous way) but when they start getting angry I encourage them to talk it out and if they cannot resolve the issue without losing their temper I ask them to go sit on their bed till they are happy again. They are not in trouble they just need to be removed from a situation before it elevates to high. I have a 5 year old with a sensory possessing disorder who over stimulates quite easy and we've been using this method with her since she was about 2 and half I also have a three year old they both know that when they are upset they can either talk it out or go sit in their room till they feel better. When they do talk it out their Dad and I make a HUGE deal out of how proud we are for using their words and not their actions to show us they are upset (angry frustrated ect...) We have a spot for disciplining them separate from their room. We feel that their room is theirs and they need a safe place where they feel comfortable that they can go when they need a time out from whats going on. This method works well for us and for them.

Atasha - posted on 12/11/2010




One good thing to do is have them leave the room and express themselves in a non-harmful way (ie: scream into a pillow) when they have calmed down they may be more ready to tell their sibling, parent, etc what happened and be ready to deal with it calmly instead of with anger. Sure helps when they need a moment to themselves.

Cher - posted on 12/11/2010




Talk it out and take a time out for themselves.
If they are mad encourage them to say stuff like that makes me feel mad,sad, ect because -------------. and if they feel that they are going to explode they need to take some time out away from everyone and calm down a bit,read a book,play in their room .

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