how often does a child need to see their grandparents?

Pebbles - posted on 12/09/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )




My inlaw is verry demanding to see my daughter. we don't really get along but i respect her for my husband and child but i have a hard time trusting her myself. she likes to drink and chooses to drink around my 5 year old while having her for the weekend...dunno?


~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/10/2010




I think if you live close, and have a good relationship with often as possible. You have a complicated issue that may result in the safety of your child. have you ever talked to them about not drinking around the baby? i mean are they getting sloshed or just enjoying a drink or 2? I don't see the problem of 1-2 drinks..but that is not my call.

*having a drink when the baby is asleep..or with dinner no biggy to me.

Keshia - posted on 12/10/2010




I dont get along with my mother in law havent since the day I started dating her son shes crazy my husband decided he didnt want her part of hsi life and hasnt talked to her for atleast 2 years when my son was first born we took him over to her house for about a half hour and now the only time I allow her to see him is when my father in law is present he baby sits my son for us sometimes when we are working and takes my son to see her for a little while they are divorced but still keeps in contact with her but when he first was bron we btoh made to clear to him that she is not to be alone with him ever and if we find out he is then we wont allow our son to be with him either because shes a very unstabble person and I dont want my son harmed in any way so he understood where we were coming from and agreed so maybe you could only allow your aughter to be with her when someone else is present

but with my side of the family my parents are divorced too my dad is a truck driver so isnt home much so when he is home on the weekends I try to go see him so he can see my son and my mom lives right in town where we do so she seems my son abotu once a week

Hayley - posted on 12/09/2010




My kids usually see grandparents once a week maybe...... sometimes more.
I wouldn't let her have my kids for the weekend if she insisted on drinking and if you put this concern of yours to her and she doesn't see the problem then I'd say that's very selfish and unreasonable of her.
If it doesn't feel right and you're not comfortable then speak up. They're your babies not hers :)

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Heather - posted on 04/11/2013




We have the same problem my MIL we actually have the same interests and hobbies until it comes to my kids and husband she is manipulatively demanding. They try to buy us off unfortuneately for her I wasn't raised where money was an answer so buying us stuff wont make her get to see them anymore. She has done things like driven the kids back to our house and smelled of Alcohol before. She also fell in a pool with my 2yr old while she was drunk and never appologized. And she still sends me emails like "I'm trying to understand" It's so ridiculous. My husband has told/mentioned to her before she can't drink when she has them and she agreed but still drinks on the rare occasion we allow her to watch them. We've had to drive her home from family functions from her drinking to much and she was just gonna drive herself. If she comes over to help me do something around the house guess what she brings with her????.....Yup a 6pk... I just wasn't raised that its okay to drink so often around your kids so I don't like it.
She is also irrational even without a drink she doesn't repremand them if they do something bad or don't listen she gets them hyped up and just lets them bounce off the walls and do whatever they want so when we get them back they are so hyped and not listening to anyone its just a disaster and mentally exhausting for me and my husband and the kids because for the next couple days they try not to listen to me and I have to be angry with them while I get them back on their routine. She just doesnt care the effect her ignorace has It's not even worth it for us to have date night so we just don't anymore. We figure there will be plenty of time for date night when they are older and we can communicate with them since grandma is unwilling to really "hear" what we tell her and the boundries we set. So at this point how often we let them see their grandparents depends on our schedule and if its absolutely convienent for us normally about once a month sometimes more and always supervised. It's unfortunate she can't just be sober and have the kids calm and listening. Follow your gut.

Angela - posted on 04/10/2013




Lol everyday?
Are you kidding?
I don't understand how people don't want their own life and time as a new SEPARATE family
Ugh once a week for two hours is TOO much for me most times
And I happen to LOVE both families

Pebbles - posted on 12/10/2010




thank you everyone for your ideas and thoughts it means a whole lot to me. I don't feel so crazy about being protective of my daughter now. My husband has mentioned it to her about not drinking and everytime i have seen her there was always at least one drink. I really don't know her tolerance, but like I said I don't trust her. Her husband does not drink but physically he isn't well. she does not live near to me her home is like 2 hrs away. but i will try and have my husband mention it to her again if not I will try talking to her myself.

Jen - posted on 12/10/2010




my son see his grandparents every day cus we live with them but my mum n dad see my son once a week.

Renae - posted on 12/10/2010




Drinking?! Absolutely NOT! If you drink while you are caring for my child, you automatically forfeit any right to have them again! That is irresponsible, stupid and selfish! She can see the child while you are there visiting or she can come and visit you.

My mother is more than happy to see my son around once a week. Although if she doesn't see him for 4 weeks she would never complain. My MIL sees her other grandchildren by her daughter almost every day and wanted the same with our child, however, for the sake of me having to maintain a relationship with her, I cant bare to see her any more frequently than once a week because she drove me nuts coming over every day for the first year of his life! So I try to make sure she sees him at least every 2 weeks and I dont mind once a week, I think that is sufficient, any more is unnecessary.

[deleted account]

Need? They don't, though it is a good thing. I wouldn't leave my kids alone w/ anyone drinking though... grandparent or not.

Tiffany - posted on 12/09/2010




Supervised visits until YOU feel its safe! You have to make the best decisions for your child no matter who doesn't like it (I.E. husband, grandma whoever). My child never even met her grandmother until 2 weeks ago and shes 1 1/2, and will always be supervised with her and never left alone until (if ever) I feel its a safe environment for my child! Don't be afraid to tell someone NO if its for the safety of your child, or even for your own satisfaction that you know your children are safe at home with you!

Katherine - posted on 12/09/2010




I'm sure she wants to see your daughter. But I would definitely make some rules.
you should be there
no drinking
if she wants to be alone with her: no drinking

That's it.

Firebird - posted on 12/09/2010




I wouldn't use the word "need". My daughter hasn't seen her grandparent's on her dad's side in over a year. But we're going to visit them for xmas this year. Before we broke up we were living in the same town as them and sometimes we'd only see them once a month. Before I moved back to my hometown, my daughter only saw my parents once a year. And you know what? She hasn't suffered because of it. Not seeing my parents, not seeing her dad's family..... it really has no effect on her. So "need" is not the word. But it'd be nice if she could see them all once every week or two. If she insists on drinking before your daughter is asleep, then I wouldn't let her go at all, if I were in your position. One isn't bad, but any more than that is just ridiculous, I mean, she's supposed to be alert while taking care of a child.

Casey - posted on 12/09/2010




If shes drinking heavily (getting drunk) while she is meant to be caring for your child then I wouldn't be leaving my child there and I would tell them the reason why too. If your mother in-law has any respect for you and your partner and especially her grandchild then she would give the booze a break for the time that she has your child in her care and if she can't do that then she misses out.
I think it is important for kids to see their grandparents if possible but I think it's more about quality rather then quantity, I would rather my child see his grandparents once a month and have a fantastic and memorable time with them rather then seeing them every weekend and having to sit there and be miserable watching them hit the booze.
I would try talking to your mother in-law about her drinking problem if I were you, good luck :)

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