How to approach a 18 year old daughter who comes home late?

Iwona - posted on 04/26/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )




A 18 years old comes home very late every night, 2,3,:5:30 am, doesn't listein and nothing works. I locked her out, i took away the phone, tried talking and crying and pleading and explaining. She is a college student and works full time. I noticed that grades are getting worse, along with her behavior and manners. She talks back, calls me names and says she hates me. Since she started to come home so late she also became very violent toward me. We live in an apartment and I am single mom for 15 years now. I also have a son but he has a different problem: he doesn't go out but plays video games too much. He says I should leave my daughter alone and she will grow out of it. He is 21, full time student and works full time as well. I can't sleep when she is out that late. I just can't. I tried but keep thinking of what she might be doing and start crying. She laughs at me when she sees me crying when she comes home. I also had breast cancer twice and don't want get sick again because of stress. I don't know what to do. Any advice?


Lorraine - posted on 04/27/2016




Writing a contract is not your only option. As a mother of a 19yr old girl I would suggest improving trust and giving more responsibility to your daughter. Set boundaries that are achievable so she doesn't feel like she is being set up to fail. For example, OK to come home at 2-3am if going to a club/bar on a weekend but weekdays Midnight, max two times in a 5 day week. Ask daughter to text to say leaving soon etc. Also if can't sleep till daughter home safe, lie in bed when she comes home pretend to be sleeping. She will feel like you are starting to trust her and hopefully will lessen the arguments. It will get easier.

Ev - posted on 04/27/2016




I also think this should apply to your son since he plays video games all day and only goes to school and so on.

Raye - posted on 04/27/2016




For any adult children still living at home, you should have a written contract outlining the conditions for them to stay. If they keep breaking the rules, you kick them out. As the others said, you have to mean it. They are adults. So, you need to think about what rules you would have for an adult stranger to rent a room from you, and apply similar rules to your kids. Since they're your kids, you can add in stipulations about keeping up grades, chores, etc., but try to respect some of their privacy as adults. All people should speak respectfully to each other, and if there's any violence that should be immediate grounds to have them move out. If you have a contract, but they refuse to move, it's easier to file a legal eviction. Without a contract it may be more difficult.

Michelle - posted on 04/27/2016




You give her an eviction notice of 30 days to leave. When that 30 days is up you pack up her things and put them outside and change the locks.
You need to sit down with her and let her know that she either lives by your rules in your house or she is out but you have to mean it.
Have a contract drawn up of the house rules that she can either sign and live by or she leaves.
It sounds like she doesn't believe you will kick her out you need to be serious about it.


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/28/2016




If you have ANY adult living in your home, a contract is always a good idea. My eldest wrote his own very reasonable contract the day he turned 18. My youngest will, as well, the day he graduates from HS.

It is only proper to have everyone's responsibilities in the home are, and what expectations exist.

Amaze - posted on 04/28/2016




It is always best to set certain rules for adult children who still choose to live with parents. Here’s the information that might give you some ideas to better handle this situation: Praying for your family!

Dove - posted on 04/27/2016




Write up a contract for both of your children... including rent, curfew, any household chores, etc.... and they can follow it or have one month to get out and be on their own. They will respect your boundaries or find out just how good they really had it at home.

Iwona - posted on 04/27/2016




Thanks Jodi. I agree and I keep telling her that but she is NOT moving out. She complains but stays. It affects me, my health and work and I worry crazy about her. How can I make her move out? Or maybe I should move out?

Jodi - posted on 04/27/2016




She can live by your rules or move out. That's what I'd be saying. Ultimately, she IS an adult. If she wants to make adult choices, and not abide by your household rules, then it's time for her to adult up and move out.

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