How to be a mom when you adopt your foster children?

Angela - posted on 01/24/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I have been a foster parent for the last 5 years, and recently terminated my license when I was able to adopt the last two children in my care. Two of my children I have had since their birth but they were visting constantly with their biological mother until the oldest was 3 yrs. and the youngest was 2 yrs. As a foster parent, there is a natural "wall" up because of the emotional connectivity your risk by the possibility of them being reunited with their bio parents.

I am having a hard time being a real mom and not a babysitter to them. I feel like I missed out on that true mother/daughter bond because there was always the constant fear of them leaving and being reunited with their bio mom. My oldest daughter, now almost 5, is very difficult because she is highly sensitive and is always wanting to be right by my side and looking for reassurant from me. I know some of this is because of the instability she experienced as a child, but i don't know how to be there for her while encouraging her independance. Can anyone help me with ideas on how to connect with my children as a mother and not as a foster parent?


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Jennifer - posted on 01/24/2012




It just comes. That instablity that made them so scared- well, it affects you too! Just remind yourself that they are your babies now. Remind them! It will take some time, but one day you'll realize that you can't even remember life without them. Foster to adoption is so hard, many states even fight it due to these issues. But it is worth it in time.

Bri - posted on 01/24/2012




Just keep showing them love and be happy if they do reunit with their bio logical parents, it would be good for all of the parents, foster included. Find the things that the children love the best and never stop showing them and kind of resentment (if there was any), because your doing a very noble thing.

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