How to cope after losing my daughter through custody!! Plus tips and suggestions

[deleted account] ( 12 moms have responded )

How do I cope after losing my daughter through a very very horrible custody battle!! Plus I can give suggestions and tips on what I have gone through that will maybe help others moms

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Jodi - posted on 09/22/2014




And just for the record I did not "abuse" you. If I'd abused you you'd know about it. I asked a series of questions because you didn't give very much information. You were the one who used the term "just a relapse" in relations to your drug use. The word "just" speaks volumes. If you could take a step back and out of your own shoes, maybe you would see it. And maybe you actually need to tell the story rather than make accusations toward people who have never been given your story?

[deleted account]

REPLY TO JODY - My posts are specific and its people like you who are so judgemental that you dont realise that this is life. Its not excuses, I know full well I made a mistake and am living with the consequences every single day.
I came to the circle of moms for guidance of how to deal with the situation not to be judged and criticised by some person who knows nothing about me, my children and my life. I am living with the judgement everyday knowing she is with her dad because of my mistake.
Yes my emotional trauma because how do I become a better mom without asking for HELP.
Maybe until you have to go through something this serious and actually feel the pain what it feels then you'll remember its not fair to just throw out abuse.
If you are in the circle of mums for accusations, and judgement well i think you are in the wrong in place.
The way I see people come here for support, guidance and advice.

Jodi - posted on 09/22/2014




Well, maybe you need to provide more than two lines of information in your OP, and then be a little more specific in your posts.

I work every day with kids who are damaged by drugs, poor parenting, alcohol, etc......every single day. Your posts focus on YOUR emotional trauma, and justifying your relapse. You did the wrong thing, end of story, YOU jeopardised your custody situation with your children, and your children's emotional wellbeing, you need to own it. I'm just seeing excuses....the same excuses I see from parents every day.

[deleted account]

I know these comments are your opinion, so here is mine, until you actually read my story and understand dont pass judgement.

you clearly have not experienced something even similar to mine so please reserve your comment, opinion or judgement.

[deleted account]

Hi Evelyn

Thank you for your reply.

He said that my son and I had abused her which we all knew was false even the police and courts saw the allegations as false hence they have all been dropped.

Yes my daughters dad and I actually met in rehab 9 years ago and continued a relationship for 3 years, We never used drugs together and remained clean.

I folded under all the stress and pressure in march when this ruined my life, losing my job and my daughter and having my son been pulled into a living nightmare.

Yes I am expecting another baby. My relapse was in March and I am only 3 months pregnant, I certainly did not use and would never use during pregnancy.

The baby and I are doing perfectly fine and healthy. :-)

My son was dragged into this because my daughters father also laid false allegations against myself and him. (he is not my sons dad) and now the repercussions of his emotional stress is now coming out.

My son resides with me and my ex husband and we have a really good friendship we have known each other for 20 years and he knows I am a good mom.

My daughter now resides with her father since May

Yes my fiance is the father and we are very happy and planning to settle down by the end of the year. He is an unqualified mechanic so he is doing his best in his new job and we hope that his work will be sending him for training soon to become qualified which will mean more money coming in.

Unfortunately work does not pay maintenance hence I have been very concerned about the situation, plus doing my best to get my little girl back as well. I am in sales so trying to build any extra commission I make over and above my salary.

So this is one of the reason why I have been stressed out.

By the way thank you for not been aggressive in your reply like some people have been.

Jodi - posted on 09/19/2014




This is actually a really confusing situation. You have a 10 year old son with your current partner, and yet you have a baby with someone else?

How is it you call it "just a relapse". You have a drug problem. You relapsed. You endangered your child. Don't write it off as "just a relapse". If you were pregnant when you had your relapse, how is it you can't see how you were endangering your child and accept the consequences of what happened?

Your son's emotional trauma would NOT just be about this case. There has to be more to it than that. Your baby is clearly from a different father, from the way you are talking. And you are married. You can't see that your child may be traumatised from the crap going on in your marriage?

Your story is incredibly confusing. You are residing with your husband from your marriage that resulted in your child but you are engaged to someone else, but there were false allegations against you by who?

Can I suggest you choose a relationship and stick to it and stop dragging your children through your crap?

Ev - posted on 09/19/2014




What kind of allegations did he have against you that were false?

Have you had a problem with drugs prior to this? I am trying to understand this. Because you said that your actions lost you your girl because of a relapse. I am glad that you are going to your scheduled meetings and taking your weekly testing. That shows the efforts you are making to do what is right for your child.

So you are expecting another baby? And how has this relapse affected the unborn child? Will he or she be healthy? I am concerned is all.

WHat is the emotional trauma? And you have son from another man? So your daughter is with same man or someone else?

Is the Fiance the father of your unborn child? ANd how come he can not get a job that pays a bit more especially since you are about to have a baby? WHen that baby gets here how are you guys going to make it without you working for a while? And does your new job offer maternity leave with pay?

[deleted account]

I have once a week visits, 2 hours on a thursday and every second saturday i have her for the day and then drop her off.

it all started end of january he laid false allegations against me which has fortunately all since been withdrawn.

during the court case i had a breakdown and relapsed on drugs which the magistrate became aware of.

I am now dealing with the consequences of my actions that in turn lost me my little girl.

i go to weekly meetings and do weekly testing.

the case manager who mediates the visitation has confirmed that only until i have been in "recovery" for one year (even though it was one relapse) and when my unborn baby is 6 months old will i possibly get her back.

the emotional trauma i have experienced during this time affected me losing my job in march, my finances and my life. my son who 10 years old from my marriage resides with me and his father and we at least have a good relationship.

my son is now also starting therapy next week as he is emotional well being has been affected by this case.

my fiance i am currently with earns very little money and has stood by me from the beginning but at the moment, i feel like i am the only one who is sailing the ship having found a new job, trying to keep everyone happy, stay healthy for the baby and myself but the stress is catching up and i am extremely sad inside not knowing how to tackle these ongoing up and down emotions.

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