how to cope with a 2yr olds behaviour with a newborn

Anna-marie - posted on 02/06/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )




Hi ladies,

I have a 2yr old boy, who is very active and very alert.

i have just had a new baby 2 weeks ago and now my 2 yr olds behaviour has regressed.

i have heard this happens, but just need advie on how to cope with it.

he seems to be very needy all of a sudden, more than usual.

he keeps pushing the boundaries and ends up in time out more often than not.

i feel sorry for him as he has been my world for 2 yrs and now he has to share me.. but i cannot have this sort of behaviour.

has anyone had a similiar situation?

any advice is greatly appreciated.

many thanks


Christy - posted on 02/06/2012




My son was 14 months old when my daughter was born. All I can say is make time for him when baby is napping, whether it's watching a show together, coloring, playing a simple game, etc. He will get over this eventually, and his regression is totally normal.

Amy - posted on 02/06/2012




Try using positive reinforcement when he is behaving. So whenever he does something good, even if it's the tiniest thing make a big deal out of it. If he sees he gets a lot more attention when he's behaving then when he's misbehaving this may help curb some of the bad behaviors. Along the same lines if he's mean to his new sibling just say in a stern voice "that's not nice", and then cater to the newborn.

You also need to find time during the day for just the two of you to do something special. Try to do something while the baby is napping or even after the baby has gone to bed at night. Then my final bit of advice is remember he's only 2 and you need to have patience with him, his world is drastically different now and he's still really young so he doesn't understand why he's no longer the center of attention. Good luck.

Serene - posted on 02/06/2012




Sounds like what I went through with my son when my daughter was born. He turned 2 and 5 days later I had her. He was aggressive and always tried to hit her.

I found that alot of these helped...

I read to him about a family having a new baby, I even went out and bought him a baby doll and told him to treat it like sissy. He carried that baby doll everywhere, he would put it in the stroller; pretend to feed it and lay it down during naptime.

I also let him help me out with giving her the bottle and getting a diaper. His behavior changed and he started loving on her, I envolved him with activities that we did. while she napped we played, colored, sang songs or watched a cartoon together. Sometimes when I could find a sitter for a few hours we would go to the park and hang out together.

Now my son and daughter play together all of the time and they get along so well; they hug and give kisses on the cheek and tell each other that they love one another.

Good luck

Audra - posted on 02/09/2012




Yes, I was in that position just 6 months ago. I imagine they are trying to figure out how the new baby changes things. Put yourself in your 2-yr-old's position as often as you can. This new baby is likely always in your arms. Have big brother sit with you, play with a special toy near you, help you by fetching a diaper when you're caring for baby...give big brother a gift from the baby for allowing him so much time with Mom and Dad. Let him hold the baby, with help. Little rewards can certainly help. And do your best to stay on top of warning him of the natural consequences of his actions.

I found I was getting onto my 2-yr-old a lot, but that I was often vague about what he was doing wrong. I'd also find myself coming up with consequences that didn't make any sense---a time out for making too much noise. I was tired too, and irritable. When I started to give him two choices, he responded better. I'd have to identify the problem for myself first...he's being too loud. Then, I'd let him choose between two quiet activities. The consequence of not choosing, was that I'd choose for him. It's rare that I have to choose for him, and rare that he'll 'kick and scream' once I do...

You're doing great.


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Virginia - posted on 02/10/2012




I remeber on tip, Talk to the baby about the two year old and tell baby what a good helper he is. That 3rd party approch is golden both smile.

Michelle - posted on 02/08/2012




All of my children, (I have 5) were born between 21 and 27 months after the previous child. Each of the older children gets a small gift from the new baby, (video, book, stuffed animal, etc.) I also tried to have at least their baby books/scrapbooks done for the early months of their lives so that they could see pictures of them being held by assorted relatives and friends, using the infant seat, bouncy seat, and getting lots of attention! I try to make a big deal about what a great big brother/sister the baby has. "He'll show you how to play trains!" "She'll dress you up and do your hair" I point out things that the older child enjoys and has confidence in. I also make sure to remember how each older child behaved as an infant. "You never slept as a little guy!" "You liked to be rocked all the time." "You used to eat like a bird" "You made that face when you were going to poo". It also helps to leave space beside you when you feed the baby so that they can still read books with you or snuggle. We didn't have any huge jealousy issues. I worried that the older child(ren) would feel left out, so we made a special point to remind them that we remembered them being a baby, still took time with them, and valued them as a big kid. You can also remind the older child that he/she can do "big kid things" like ride a trike, color pictures, eat yummy food, etc. The baby won't feel slighted if you give the older sibling some extra focus. Hearing all those comments about "what a sweet little baby" hurts less if they hear how much that adorable baby looked like them as a newborn.

Alexandra - posted on 02/08/2012




yes, i think more attention is the key. And make him do things that make him important, such as helping you with the baby's diapers, bottles, bath. When you put the baby to bed at night, spend a few minutes with him doing what he likes to do. That will be your special with him, keep pointing that out, you will see he will enjoy you more because he will feel you are not ignoring him. Congratulations!

Selina - posted on 02/08/2012




Im in same boat my daughter 2.5 and baby is know 2 months and bub has reflux so is alot of work feeding takes foreva wnt settle or sleep for lng period catnaps poor daughter gets neglected she has had me 24/7 hubby works and uni so neva hme always been 2 of us some days she gets rough wth baby but its more so that she wnts her to play wth but bubs aint old enough n she dnt unda stand so i involve her in everythen to do wth baby n lay on play mat together etc so she feels like they r playen i read or draw whilst given bub a bottle wth eldest i just try to gve extra attebtion wen i can its hard tho

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/07/2012




Sorry, did not see your reward chart before I typed. Good idea.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 02/07/2012




Right now, he needs more attention than the baby. you can give him simple chores to include him, like having him get the clean diaper and having him hand you wipes. The baby mostly sleeps right now, so spend any extra time with your 2 year old. This DOES indeed happen.

Stifler's - posted on 02/07/2012




It's very frustrating and tiring when they are more naughty than good. Hang in there

Anna-marie - posted on 02/07/2012




thanks ladies,

i have actuallly done up a ''rewards chart'' and started it this afternon.

things like:

helping mummy with ruth.

heling daddy around the house

eating all his dinner etc..

i give him a star everytime he does something, and so far.. it seems to be working. he even cuddled his little sister today :)

i do try and praise the good behviour but when he's more naughty than good it gets tiring.

but i must admit, being consistent is my downfall.. so as of today.. i';m a new mummy!! no messing around, lots of praise and only one warning before time out!

thank you all so much, its nice to know i';m not alone xx

Stifler's - posted on 02/06/2012




I let Logan outside a lot and go out and watch so hes not trashing the house or hurting renae, they're 16 months apart. Give him lots of attention when baby is napping, get him to help with things like folding washing, read books in spare minutes. Let him help put the powder ion and get a nappy etc. they act out when they're bored and not getting attention and someone else is.

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