How to deal with a future stepson who has no structure because their mother allows them to do whatever they wants?

Cord - posted on 07/22/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )




Hello. I have been involved with my wife for almost 3 years. They had a son. He is now 13. He has had behavior issues way before I stepped into the picture. I have tried in the past several times to develop a relationship with him. But, he always found a way to be disrespectful and arrogant towards me. I have asked my girlfriend to do something about it. She really never did. As a result, we have had a real bumpy relationship ourselves. We have broken up and I even moved back into my own place because of him. He has no real structure. She never instilled in him when he was younger that he has no maid to clean up after him. He does what he want to do, when he wants to do it.

She was having a bad time a year ago while living with her mother and I moved them into my place and he did whatever he wanted to do there. I told her that he had to go and was not welcomed in my home anymore.

After this, I told her I was done. I broke it off again. It was hard because I still loved her and wanted to still spend my life with her.

Now, they have been in therapy together and she stated that their relationship was better because of it. His attitude was somewhat better towards me. Due to his history, I always had my guard up. I tried again to be civil when he was around me. (She was spending alot of time with me at my place). I saw some changes in how he carried himself. But, he still constantly have to be told over and over and over again to do things he already knew he was suppose to do. He is quite lazy.

Being that her mother had her at a very yourg age (13), her mother didn't know how to raise her because she was a child herself. So, she was friend. So, she didn't have any structure growing up and did whatever she wanted to do. When her mother was older and got married, then she changed and made my girlfriend do almost every chore in the house. Even cleaning her stepfather's clothes. She said because of this, she feels as though she do not want to be "hard" on him because she knew what it felt like to be the "maid".

I had suggested back in May of this year for us to goto counseling. Hoping that an impartial third party can tell her that how she is raising him is not good. He never go outside and play with other kids. All he do is be on his laptop all day. She allows him to sleep to after 1-2pm everyday. Walk around the house in his underwear and he is well endowed for his age. She use to walk around him with no clothes (I stopped that the minute I found out). He still walk to the bathroom naked at night.

She always state she feels like she is being punished for the things he does. I explain to her that she is the parent and he is the child and that he does what she allows him to do.

She just had surgery recently and asked me if I would allow him to come and stay at my place while she recuperated. I had my reservations from the gate. I did not want him back in my place due to how he was the last time he was there. We had a conversation and he told me that he was sorry for how he was towards me and how he was at my place. He told me that he would respect my home and clean up behind himself. It lasted a good day and a half. I did not want to tell her because she was trying to get herself together. I would pick up, move stuff. I tripped and turned my ankle over twice over his things. My living room was in shambles. she would not wake him up till after 12pm. I am a early riser and is home due to me injuring my ankle at work. The one I turned over when I stepped on his things. I could not take it anymore and said that he had to go due to him doing the same stuff he did last year except not being arrogant.

Again, we broke up.

She tells me that she do not think that there is nothing wrong with how she is raising him. He plays no sports. He do not like to be around his unkles or male cousins. He just want to.. be in the house.

Any suggestions that would help, please send them my way. I do love her but, should I cut my loses?

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