How to deal with feeling as if i've Failed as a Single Mother

Fia - posted on 10/17/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )




Feeling a bit depressed with the choices life has faced me with, i have Two adorable children who are MY WORLd. My son will be 2yrs old on the 26th & my daughter just made 4 in August, they have different fathers who unfortunately BOTH aren't in their lives. I support them mentally, physically and emotional providing a standard lifestyle, i work hard and am surrounded by supportive family.

My kids are the BEST i wish i could give them the World if God Let me, for me theres a flip side to my story.Single Parenting I admit is ROUGH i Often Cry in bed alone because keeping a Smile on my face when my kids go to bed & wake up as if EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE hurts me the MOSt.. I've never understood why my childrens Fathers weren't MAN enough to be in their lives?? Why do i feel as if i FAILED??? i mean, I'm still around for MY children, INVOLVED with EVERYTHING & ANYTHING they DO. I had No Support/Help other than my own family, Typical "Single Mother Syndrome" i like to call it consisting of Late Night Crys, Baby Botlles Made in the Middle of The Night, and for sure #TeamNo sleep.

Although it is tough, it is My Life & my kids need me. Times were as hard as being unemployed, no food, no diapers and late bills but God always seen me through. TYJ!! I sit back an Envy those Mothers who have their childs fathers being FATHERS, a second income but in all a second hand & of course I Wish I had that!

I can't Teach my kids to know me in the place of a Father Figure because i Am ONLY what God Created me to be a WOMAN, A DAUGHTER, A SISTER, A MOTHER!!

Seeing my childrens First Steps, First Words, First Giggle ALONE hurts my Soul. Failure as a Parent Never cut so deep, Sure i go on with my Life and just do what i do BEST but in the back of brushing it under the rug i feel i can never let go.. Maybe its Anger? Resentment?? Mabe Guilt!

My son is the GREATESS at everything he does, he has that Natural ability to pick up a basketball, baseball bat, soccerball, YOu name it he's Gifted! He's in to cars, sports, fishing and everything else a young boy would take intrest to, No encouragement needed! He's my little sweetheart thats never stopped smiling since the day he was born, My happy baby!

My daughter is such a princess shes my parents heart, in their eyes she can do No wrong. Shes very outgoing, a little much of a diva with a tad bit sassyness to her walk. At such a young age she has such a strong soul shes my right-hand little lady of mine.


Loving my children more than Life itself is the Only thing that will Never change in my Life... Praying i find some Peace within myself, God Bless!


Anaquita - posted on 10/17/2012




YOU have NOT failed. If anything their fathers have failed. Big time.

When it comes to a male role model, see if any male family members will be good examples for them. Like your father, or any brothers, uncles, etc. Yes having a father may be ideal, but it doesn't mean things won't turn out well without them. It's just a bit tougher.

If you're feeling depressed, and crying every night, you should consider a bit of counseling. Or perhaps even a babysitter once in a blue moon (someone you trust) for the occasional personal time, or girls night out. While we single parents put our children before ourselves, and it's hard, sometimes we ought to consider our own health, mental and physical, as well.

It sounds like your kids are awesome, and you are doing a fantastic job at raising them. Don't focus and depress yourself on what you don't have, but focus and celebrate what you *do* have.

S. - posted on 10/18/2012




You haven't fail at all! infact you sound like your doing a bloody good job and your kids are turning into fantastic little people! I know the guilt you talk of I was a single mum of one for 7 years and you THINK they miss out but they don't! Because ONE great parent is so much better then a shitty one who can't even stick around. Yes you have lovely memories of a nice childhood with a mum and a dad because that's the life you knew, your kids have a different life and will have great memories of a brilliant mother, they won't feel they missed out because they haven't!

I am now married with two more children (2) and (4) and i know how hard it is with suport so your probably down because it's hard work, my oldest is (13) and we are still very close and tbh I am glad we had that time and built the bond we have.

September - posted on 10/18/2012




Fia you should be proud of yourself. It doesn't sound as though you've failed as a Mother at all. You are taking care of your children and love them very much. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you're doing an amazing job! Your son and my son share the same birth date :)

Jenny - posted on 10/18/2012




I'm a bit on the "flip side" of things. I have a son that is 4 yrs old, and I have been with his father for nearly 10 yrs now. But, I was RAISED by a single mother. My dad was in and out of our lives growing up, but I still consider my mom "a single mother." She raised my brother, my older sister, me, and two younger sisters. She also became a foster parent later on and has adopted six more children (all of them who she has raised single-handedly). Through the eyes of "a child" of a single parent home, I look at my mother with awe and wonder and know it was by the grace of God that she has done such a TREMENDOUS job! None of her children (biological AND adopted) are into drugs/alcohol, and we all have a good college education (those of us that are out of school). I know times were hard and we had to do without name brand clothing/ shoes, and our "vacations" were going to "the city" (we grew up on a farm) and staying the night in a hotel, getting to watch a movie, and ordering pizza. We would even get to share a can of pop! WHOO! Memories I wouldn't trade for the world. ;) My point is, it WILL be tough sometimes, but with your family support, and the way you love your children beyond ANYTHING in this world, things will turn out. Keep your trust in God. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Teach that to your children, and they will NEVER be without a Father... a Perfect, Heavenly One. :)

Chasmodai - posted on 10/18/2012




I was a single mom. It was very tough. Trust me, you are better off alone than with a man that will let you and your children down.

I did eventually remarry, and my son's stepfather helped to raise him from the age of 7. The best advice I can offer:

1) Take really good care of yourself because your kids need you and you are their world,

2) if you decide you want to date men, put your kids before any man you meet and want to date,

3.) As hard as it is to be alone, don't be in a hurry to get into another relationship with a man, because if you aren't together or you get with the wrong man it can be disastrous for your kids.

4) if you do date a man, make sure that he has the utmost integrity, honor, and gentleness (learn to spot those qualities and the other qualities that are important to you)

5) If you do start to date someone, and he shows a glimmer of dishonesty, poor character, bad role model for your kids etc., that's a deal breaker, and end it immediately for you and your kid's sake!

6). Don't be afraid to find free or low cost help and support groups. It's not really for you because any help you receive helps your children. There must be some free assistance available to you. There are organizations like Parents Without Partners that can provide moral support. One mistake I made was I was too proud to accept help, and worked two jobs instead of accepting food stamps. Now I wish I had only worked one job and spent more time with my son when he was little.


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Fia - posted on 10/18/2012




Thanks for the encouraging feedback ladies. I will take all your comments to heart;) godbless! @septemberwilson i pray your son has a wonderful birthday.

Holly - posted on 10/18/2012




I too am a single mother (well not so much anymore, i have a man in my life who helps me out TREMENDOUSLY) but until about 2 yrs ago i was. my kids are now 8&9, i figured that i HAVE GOT to be strong woman who shows my kids i do NOT need a man in my life to raise them to be successful women. and in their eyes i found my strength... I was PROUD to be a single mother, STRIVING to be independent, teaching my kids what it meant to be a STRONG woman.

Ann - posted on 10/18/2012




You are doing a great job! I am a single parent for 7 years now, I have 2 boys ages 9 & 13. The best thing I ever did was realize that they need a full time parent (their Dad is re-married and involved a tiny bit in their lives)...and I don't need a man in my life to be complete. Their childhood goes really fast so you need to appreciate the moments. My youngest was 2 when their Dad moved out. I sign them up for recreational sports so they have great father figures as coaches in their lives. Also having them hang out with friends' Dads is helpful. Their Dad was never the best father figure so it is better to have someone around them who is good at it. I don't recommend dating as it distracts you from taking care of their needs. When they are grown and out of the house maybe then. You don't need a man to take care of you. That is the most important point. You have family support to help out so that is more than I have ever had. And I am surviving, and happy, and know that the sacrifices I make for them to raise them properly will pay off in the end. I also recommend getting into a church as that is extended family as well.

Fia - posted on 10/17/2012





I truly appreciate your reply, & yes i should seek some counseling:) although this was my way of sort of... you know? the NO FEES type LOL.. i grew up in a two-parent home as the youngest and only GIRL spoiled by three older brothers who had a major age difference my youngest brother was 10yrs apart from me. They are ALL AMAZING examples as Father figures for my children but its nothing like calling your own father "daddys little girl" i just get emotional from how i grew up having it all, a loving MOTHER & FATHER under one roof. I guess i just wish i could have given them that life lifestyle as well & more.. All is love God bless

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