How to deal with my 11 year old son, who choose to move in with his father

Caroline - posted on 02/21/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I've spent the past year going through divorce. I share 2 beautiful children will a man that i was married to for 9 and a half, a relationship of 13 years in total. I choosed to leave the marriage, I invested the pass 10 years being a stay at home mom.I 've had the pleasure and satifaction watching both of my children grow up, to be the great person they are today. My son which is my oldest (11yrs old)has had a difficult pass year trying to adjust to the major changes in his live. My daughter is adjusting well. Tyler my son has made a deicion to live with his father. I didn't except at first,but looking back at the year that i've had with my child, my child that i bearly recongized any more.I decided to let him live with his father,I have also decided that Tyler will spend a weekend a month a my place for now(just moved in with his father, a week ago)

After being separted/divorced/single and have returned into the work force in the passed year and i have also meet someone, who also has 2 children.

My son isn't cooping well with my new boyfreind and his children. I'm not use to my son attracting negative attention. My question would be how far do we go to accomodate my sons need when he'll be coming over for the weekend?


Jodi - posted on 02/21/2012




It has only been a year, and your son only moved in with his father last week? I think you are prioritising a new boyfriend and his two children far too soon. Your kids are still only trying to get used to the situation of the dissolution of your marriage. It is a big adjustment for them. Really, even one weekend a month is not really enough in my opinion. It sounds to me like you need to work on your relationship with your son before you start working on a relationship with someone else and his children.

I know what I have just said is not what you want to hear, and probably completely blunt, but having been through a divorce myself, and a remarriage, I can honestly tell you that you MUST put your children first at this point, and I can't see how one weekend a month with a new boyfriend and his children around is going to be appealing to your son. The chances are, given you are the one who ended the marriage, your son is angry at you. Sending him off to dad, seeing him once a month and replacing him with a new boyfriend and his kids is not going to help.

Amy - posted on 02/21/2012




I've never been in your position so I can only say what I would do. It sounds like your kids have been through a lot in the last year, you can not expect both of them to react the same way. Your son is clearly taking it harder then your daughter. Since you are letting him live with his father and you will only be seeing him one weekend a month I think that weekend you should not spend time with your boyfriend and focus on your relationship with your son. Like I said I've never been there but my kids come first and it sounds like you need to repair the broken relationship with your son.


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