How to get hyper 4 year old to focus and listen

Baina2918 - posted on 09/27/2018 ( 4 moms have responded )

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So my 4 year old joined a Jiu-Jitsu class a few weeks ago, I signed him up because it is suppose to help kids learn how to focus and listen, something my little ball of energy needs. He is normally a very energetic little boy, and VERY social but he has a hard time listening and concentrating. He does go to school everyday and he does good there, has to touch everything in sight, but he listens to the teachers and does what he is suppose to. My concern is when he is in this jiu-jitsu class, while it is full of other little energetic 3-4 year olds, when he is asked to stand on the wall and listen to instruction he does good for a second then starts jumping, falling on the floor, bear crawling around. The teacher is really good with them and just asks them to listen, he talks to them about manners and listening to their mom and dad. But last night he got sent up to sit with me in the stands because he was not listening to the teacher, he could come back when he wanted to listen and do what he was told.
I just worry about him, acting wild and running around. At home I can get him to calm down but when he is in a group its like he has to show off all the time and just can't clam down at all. I worry if he will every grow out of this or what i can do to help him. I am a single mom and his dad has never been around so at home its just us, he does good when we work on it. But how do I help him when he is in a crowd? I want him to enjoy this class and enjoy other sports but if he cant concentrate and listen to what he needs to do i worry that he will be asked not to come back.
I am just looking for advise as I just don't know what to do anymore. I love that he is so social and energetic but there are times that i just wish he would stand still and be super shy. I feel like when we are out in public, I am that mom that cant control her kid. I have looked into the ADHD, I have read a lot about it and talked to other moms whose kids do have ADHD. Both them and I think he is just a energetic 4 year old but am i doing everything i need to do to help him develop and get control of this? Can I teach him how to calm down a little so he can listen and concentrate? What should I do?

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Baina2918 - posted on 10/18/2018

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Update on this, last night at Jiu-jitsu my son made me so incredibly proud! He did so good on focusing and not bouncing off the walls. He paid attention, i had to tell him a few times to listen but not as much as usual. He did get told to stop picking his nose but that turned into a lesson for the other kids and they all got to was their hands.
Afterwards I told him how proud of him I was, and how happy it made me that he focused and listened to his teacher. His face lit up, i think he is finally understanding that if he calms down and listens he has a lot more fun in the class!

Baina2918 - posted on 10/11/2018

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Thank you so much for that, that is something I have been struggling with lately. I know I am a good mom and I do the best that I can, my worries are in being a single parent am I giving him all the attention that he needs? Is he missing something by not having his dad around? I try to work with him and practice and do everything to help him understand, but sometimes I am tired after working all day or I just dont have the patience to do it. Then afterward I feel horrible because I didnt do it, or I didnt spend the time with him. Its just getting so much harder the older he gets.
I did work with him a lot the last few weeks about listening and focusing, during his last Jiu-Jitsu class he did SO much better. He just needs to slow down and listen and he does amazing! I had to find what worked for him and that was making it like a game and promising him a reward afterwards, so far its working i just hope he can keep it up!

Beth - posted on 10/10/2018

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Shaina:
I have one of these little boys too. He drove me nuts with his energy and scared me to death with his fearlessness. He's better now, but I don't think it's anything I "did", except work with him tirelessly and be patient. A couple of unrelated thoughts:
a) He's doing well in school, so you needn't worry overly much.
b) He might be ADHD, but I'd resist that diagnosis as much as I could. It leads to prescribed drugs which your adventurous little man doesn't need (hopefully).
c) Listening and obeying is a skill; harder for some to learn than others. He needs to practice -- practice on you. Give him simple chores that you need to explain. He probably won't do them well, but the chores aren't the point, the listening and explaining are. Keeping working with him like you would teaching him to catch.
d) One thing that worked for me was simply wearing him out. I played basketball with my guy till my knees ached (and he could barely move). He was more receptive to listening and calmer then.
e) You are a WONDERFUL Mom! You're doing what he needs and will get him to the other side of this. Repeat after me: I AM A WONDERFUL MOM. And don't forget it!
Keep at it Shaina. From experience, it takes some perserverance.
Beth

Michele - posted on 09/28/2018

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Hopefully jiu jitsu is something that he really wants to to and being made to go sit down and not participate will get the message across. If it is not something her really likes than it won't make difference. Sometimes it just takes time to mature a little bit. And he may always be the "class clown" and never out grow it.

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