How to get my grownup daughter to keep her room tidy without threats

Gana - posted on 10/21/2015 ( no moms have responded yet )




My daughter is 21. My in-laws also live with us. I have told my daughter as naseum to keep her room tidy. This morning I lost it. A wet towel was on her bed along with a zillion other clothing items. One pair of shoes was perched on the cot balustrade along with numerous make up paraphernalia. The floor was strewn with her stuff. The desk was such a clutter that there was not an inch of desk space left. The desk chair resembled a tent full of rubbish. Her wardrobe totally unkempt. Deja vu. Once again I lost my temper and repeated my threat that she should move out of the house or keep her room tidy. My diatribe must have lasted 15 minutes until I was blue in the face. My daughter said not a word during this time. I am now so upset that I have been so harsh with her. But this happens time and again. Typically after such a showdown she will spend a marathon session cleaning her room and we would all help with the cleanup. But things will revert to square one after a few days. The cycle continues. To be fair my bedroom is also not the best but it is reasonably tidy.
My mother in law told me later that my daughter was so upset that she ( my daughter) had hugged her and had wept uncontrollably. My daughter told her that she understands why mum shouts, that she tries her best to keep her room tidy but before long it gets untidy. That she does not have any motivation at the end of the day to tidy up her room. That she is so tired that she just wants to sleep and soon things start piling up and it becomes an uphill battle to keep up.
Hearing this i feel so guilty and upset. I will be devasted if my daughter were to call my bluff and get out of the house. Where I come from, it is quite normal for one's children to stay with their parents until they are married.
Can someone suggest some things I can do to get my daughter keep her room tidy without me having to lose my temper or having to threaten her to leave home. I will value your suggestions.

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