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HOW TO GET OVER NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE MORE CHILDREN

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Liz - posted on 04/08/2012

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I can't really offer advice, as you give no details at all about your situation, but you're not alone.



I'm in the same boat, but as I'd been told for more than fifteen years that I couldn't have any children at all, I'm slightly consoled by the fact that I've managed to have one. I consider myself lucky, still, despite the fact that I'd have preferred to have had more children and I know my husband would want two more.



I have friends who are childless, for whom successive rounds of IVF have failed and who are looking forward to a permanently childless future unless they adopt, but they are English and the bureaucracy for adoption is not on their side due to the fact that they are 40. Faced with their grief, no matter how stoic and selfless they are, I cannot in all conscience feel as sorry for myself as I might have wanted to. That would have been VERY sorry, incidentally, as it is quite a grief and I totally understand why you might be having difficulty in adjusting.



As a result of knowing my childless friends, I find myself able to reflect on my good fortune in actually having a daughter who, despite huge complications and micro-prematurity, is now relatively healthy and definitely happy. Even when she is screaming at 3 in the morning, I'm never for one second tempted to wish that I were anywhere else but being her mommy.



My husband and I may yet investigate adoption as a way of coping with our preference for an extended family. Is this something that would be open to you?

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