How to get step-father to accept daughter as his own?

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

Long story short... my daughters biological father has never been in her life. My now husband has been in her life since she was 1 1/2 and knows him as daddy, and he's been great with her. Tonight we were talking about tattoo's. I know its stupid, but he said that he would not tattoo Adrina's (my daughters) name on his body. BUT if I had a child with him, he would. It really upset me, I see it as he is treating Adrina differently than he would his own child... but Adrina is his child. She has known him as daddy for over a year now, she has no idea what the term 'step-dad' means.
Overall, should I be upset? Am I over reacting? Is he in the wrong for knowing what a responsibility marrying a woman with a child should consist of? Treating her child as your own....?


Krista - posted on 10/15/2011




I would have been hurt as well. But if I'm reading your post correctly, you guys have only been together a little over a year? So in that time, he's become a father figure to your daughter and has married you. That's a lot to take in, in a very short time.

Like I said, I don't blame you for being hurt, but you've known your daughter since she was conceived. He's only known her for a little over a year. You can't expect him to have the same bond with her that you have. It'll likely come with time, though.

So I wouldn't make an ordeal out of it. Just let him know that you do hope that he'll eventually consider her his daughter, regardless of the circumstances of her birth.

Amie - posted on 10/15/2011




I agree with Krista's post. I understand how upsetting that could be. He says he loves her like his own but... the but part hurts.

It may pass though too. As Krista's post said it's a lot to take in in just a year's time.

Did you ask him why he wouldn't tattoo her name? It's a lot easier to understand his side if you know the reason. I'd be willing to bet he's where my husband was though at the same time.

A little over six years ago we started dating. My daughter had just turned 5 and my son was about 10 months old. Almost a year later they were both calling him dad. He was ecstatic, he even cried (away from them) when they said it - to him it showed him they had accepted him in their lives fully. However, it took a bit longer for him to be fully capable of returning that love they felt. Kids are easy, adults are guarded.

Now, they are very much OUR kids but it took him a bit more. That might be all your husband needs - a bit more time.

Ez - posted on 10/15/2011




I think you need to give him a bit more time. A year-ish isn't very long. But I do understand why you are hurt. You feel like he is rejecting your baby, when really he is probably still finding his feet in this new family.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/15/2011




No you should not be upset IMO. As much as he may love your daughter as his own, he will never be her biological father. If you two get divorced, he has no rights to her unless he adopts her. He could never see her again if that were to happen. His biological daughter, on the other hand, he will have legal rights barring anything atrocious from happening. I have had many step fathers. I understand the caution of getting to attached. Give him a break, and just appreciate him for what emotionally he DOES give to your daughter. THAT proves more than getting a name tattooed on a body part.


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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/29/2011




Salina I'm asking my husband about this because my older daughter is his step daughter. He says not to force it because the majority of guys will get very defensive about that. Just give him time. I'm curious as to how old your daughter is now and how close they are (so is my husband) He may not be comfortable being called daddy yet.

He's not in the wrong because for some men it is a comfort thing. As long as he's still treating your daughter as his own then don't worry about it, but if he starts treating her as baggage then there is a problem.

Overall I'd say talk it out and explain your feelings to him, but don't force the issue because that could lead for him to get defensive.

Caryn - posted on 11/29/2011




Salina, I don't believe youre overreacting at all. You're being protective of your daughter, which is natural for a mother. I would talk with your husband and explain your feelings and concerns to him (in a way he wont feel attacked). If you two want your family to continue to grow and have more children, they should all be treated the same and feel the same amount of love from your husband. I hope this helps, good luck :)

Kimberly - posted on 10/16/2011




Ok I'm going from a bit of a different point of view. My mom meet my step dad when I was 4, got married when I was six. I still seen my real dad and I knew the difference. My stepdad didnt treat me any different once they had their own kids and frankly I have allot of respect for him because it takes a special kind of man to take on someone else's kids and treat them like their own. My stepdad was the one who taught me how to ride a bike, skate, play sports not my real dad. I was very lucky to have such great step parents on both sides and had four role models in my kife not just two. Yes what he said my hurt but I think the way he treats you daughter and provides & supports her will mean more to her life then getting a tattoo

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