how to have a baby after a loss of your only child

Mindie - posted on 06/24/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I lost my baby girl abigail jan 2, 2011 she was 9 days old. now my husband and i want to have another child. we dont want to replace her but we have an emptyness in our hearts. and i kinda feel guilty about wanting another. i want to treat the new child as i would her i dont want to spoil him/her cause for the feel of i lost abigail. and im not sure what to do. also what if after my baby is born..what if i change my mind and dont want it...ive always wanted just not to sure how i will feel i need some advice please


Neva - posted on 06/24/2012




First of all, you never will replace the child you lost. she will always be a part of your lives and even though she lived only 9 days, she will always be your first child. Having another child should not take away her memory. Your next child will be the second child and you will love that child for who that child is. If Abigail had lived, you would not feel guilty giving her a brother or sister, so having another child is just that, giving Abigail a brother or sister. You will love them both always. Keep Abigail's memory by making a scrap book of pictures, memories, thoughts and feelings. When your second child is older you can introduce that child to his/her older sister, After the loss of a child, there is always fear that it might happen again, so there might be some apprehension. Talk to a grief counselor that has experience with the loss of a child, to help you deal with your grief in a healthy way, but the fact that you are worried about how you will feel about a new baby tells me that you already have love in your heart for any future children. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.


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Louise - posted on 06/24/2012




It is a big step to take having another baby, but it is one that will make you feel complete and able to move on with your life. You are not replacing your daughter, you are simply having another baby as you would of done anyway if she had survived.

I can tell you the minute you find out you are pregnant you will bond with your baby and when you hold him/her in your arms you will know you have done the right thing. You have to look forward to the future and not look back at the sad past. My advice is follow your heart, if it is saying have another baby then do so. I wish you all the happiness in the world. xx

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