how to help grown daughter and teens with grief?

Katrina - posted on 07/19/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




late last night my daughter lost her baby boy.. Nathan was born stillborn at 34 weeks,, this was very tramatic and out of the blue.. even though 6 years ago.. i had a stillborn daughter of my own.. i feel unequipped to help her through this.. it is so much harder to see her go through it.. than to deal with it myself.. so my question is.. how do i help her.. while dealing with my own emotions on losing my first grandbaby in the same way i lost my daughter.. how do i help my grown daughter understand.. and all the younger kids.. my kids range between 20 and 15.. there are 4 of them.. 3 girls..


Sarah - posted on 07/19/2012




I am so sorry for yours and your daughter's loss. I think sometimes the best thing we can do is just simply be there for her. Ask her what she needs. Take her food, make sure she eats. Help her plan a memorial service, be there for her as an ear when she needs someone to talk to. Maybe you can find a support group for parents who have lost their children and attend together. Teach your younger children about your beliefs (whatever they are). Explain that sometimes things don't always make sense, but that you still love Nathan and will miss him. Maybe plan to dedicate a tree in the yard or a park, somewhere you can visit and something that will grow as he should have had the chance to do. If you go to church, seek solace in the congregation. It is okay for you to grieve too as well as help others through it.

A poem I always found very touching and have given to people who have lost a child
It's called A Letter From Heaven (if you're not religious, I apologize, but there's a line in this that says, "... do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain. Remember there would be no flowers if there was no rain.")

To my dearest family, some things Id like to say.

But first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from heaven.

Here I dwell with God above.

Here, theres no more tears of sadness;

Here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.

Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through.

God picked me up and hugged me and He said, I welcome you.

Its good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone.

As for your dearest family, They'll be here later on.

I need you here so badly, you are part of my plan.

There is so much that we can do, to help our mortal man.

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.

And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night the days chores put to flight.

God and I are closest to the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years.

Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.

Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.

If I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over.

I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;

But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and Id like it for you too;

That as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who is in sorrow and pain;

Then you can say to God at night....My day was not in vain.

And now I am contented... that my life was worthwhile.

Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low;

Just lend a hand to pick them up, as on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind;

I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when its time for you to go...from that body to be free.

Remember you're not're coming here to me.


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Katrina - posted on 07/19/2012




thank you very much.. that made me cry.. i got her into see my therapist.. and made myself an appt as well.. the funeral will be held on saturday and i will do the best i can to help her through this.. i was inconsolable.. but i had to pick up the pieces and move on for my children.. she made me cry when she told me today.. i dont know how you got through this mommy.. i dont think i can.. i told her.. we all do what we can.. and put one foot in front of the other and move on.

Karen - posted on 07/19/2012




I am so sorry for your loss! I am new here so I am not sure how to share a page on this site with you other than telling you the name was 'How to heal when you have lost or miscarried a baby'. I hope that you can find this page and that it helps in some way. You and your family are and will be in my prayers. May God Bless You and give you and your family the strength to get through this tragedy.

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