How to talk to my 13 yr old daughter about setting personal boundaries?

Tina - posted on 04/27/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )




My 13 year old daughter has this boy she really likes and she calls him her "boyfriend". She said she asked him for a hug yesterday. How do I talk to her about setting "personal boundaries"?


Louise - posted on 04/27/2011




Jackie-Rae is right. There is nothing wrong with having a hug is there? You can teach your daughter about how far things should go at 13 delicately and what you expect of her. Teach her self respect and that she should not be pushed into doing anything that she thinks is not right. How you are going to approach this subject I do not know but the fact that she told you she had a hug today means that she feels comfortable talking to you about her boyfriend and that is good. Next time she tells you something seize your chance and approach the subject gently. We all remember our first crush and learning about relationships. My mother never taught me about personal boundaries and I am sure yours never either we just new right from wrong. Let her learn about relationships as much as you can without being to interfering. Trust her.


View replies by

[deleted account]

I'd like to write out an extremely helpful post to you, but my girls are only 9 right now and I don't yet know how to handle this. I DO think the talk should come from you, her mother, first though. Good luck!!

Tina - posted on 04/27/2011




Hey Jackie, yes it is the latter, the boy really likes her too. And I totally agree with both you and Louise, however I dont know what to do because, my husband and I are separated and our daughter and his girlfriend text message a good bit, and our daughter told her about the "hug" and the girlfriend, said hmmm interesting, well I think we should have a chit chat this weekend about safe personal space, and safe boundaries. For you to set some personal boundaries, that he can be respectful of. So that a boy doesnt try to go to far or make you feel uncomfortable. I feel like if someone is going to talk to her about this, it should be me.
So what should I do?

Thank you both for the replies. I really appreciate it.

Jackie - posted on 04/27/2011




I'm not really sure what you're asking here. Are you asking how you explain personal boundaries of other people? Like, she really likes him and he doesn't share the same feelings and she's pushing herself on him? Or are you saying that you aren't comfortable with the term "boyfriend" and the fact that she wanted a hug at 13?

If it's the latter, I'd pick my battles. Is 13 young? Yes. But 13 is also the age that you have to tread lightly with these types of things or she may rebel completely. I would just explain that she is not allowed a "boyfriend" until 16 or 17 or whenever... Let her know that you'd prefer that everyone keep there hands to themselves for now. But again - we're talking about a hug and furthermore - she told you about it. I wouldn't worry too much.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms