How would you deal with it if your child got suspended from school?

Victoria - posted on 10/14/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )




Yeap,It happened my son(9)got in a fight last week and got suspended from school for fighting.The kid had been picking on my son for weeks,he came home just the day before with 3 small bruises on his forehead and i asked him what happened and he said it was the kid that been picking on him and the kid hit him 3 times in head when the teacher wasn't looking (at recess)he was hoping i wouldn't notice it.I have always told him Do not fight if you can avoid it,go tell a teacher and not to think of it as being a taddle but keeping yourself from getting in some serious trouble at home if you get suspended,but if you half to defend yourself dont take it,once the other child starts hitting you uncontrollably,let him know your not going to be pushed around,I dont want my son known for fighting but i also dont want him known for the kid who gets pushed around.This is what happened,my son's class were taking bathroom break and they were in there and the boy pushed my son and my son said he pushed the boy back and the boy went through the stalls and landed on his rear and he said he went to leave the bathroom (the teacher seen everything at this point)and when he got to the door the boy hit him in the back from behind and my son fought back(according to the teacher itwas a pretty good little scape down the hallway)I told the principal that the child been bulling my son for week, and if my son had given me the boys name before the fight happened he proberly wouldn't have got suspended.'cause she asked me who and i didn't have a name for her,come to find out he'd been suspended before for fighting.So with that being said i really didn't punish my son except for not letting him go outside for 2 days and making him clean his room and wash dishes,(that's torcher to him)the only reason i did that was cause i dont want him thinking its okay to fight..Did i do the right thing,what would've you done in a situation like this?

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Amanda - posted on 02/14/2012




Getting suspended is a JOKE! The kids that truely need to be punished arent, its a damn vacation for them. Btw my son like yours has been suspended for defending himself a few times because of Zero Tolerance Policies. Unfor the only person truely affected by these policies is normally the child defending themselves.

But like you I do not allow my child to have a vacation while suspended. He must do school work, and house work, no video games or tv.

Rebecca - posted on 02/14/2012




MY Son was suspended for the 2nd time for fighting. He has been verbally attacked by a group of boys since Middle school. The first time a kid threw him against a locker and Justin fought back. Both boys were suspended. The 2nd time today 3 boys ganged up on him on the locker room. Justin won both fights, all of the student including Justin were suspended. He has never shown signs of aggression at home, He is very kind to his younger siblings and cousins. I am worried that he will continue to defend himself and get kicked outta school. It has to stop!!

Sneaky - posted on 10/14/2010




So far everyone has asked you why you didn't go to the school . . at this point the question is pointless, so don't take it as a criticism, we are all learning and the next time your son is bullied I know you will handle it differently :o) That's why you are asking for advice right?

My girls are too young at the moment for bullying to be much of a problem, but if one of them was suspended for fighting back i would not give her additional punishment on top of that. I want them to stand up for themselves and truthfully I would rather they fought back against a bully then come home every day and be miserable about it and be afraid to go to school and get to the point were they think that suicide would be a better option than being bullied everyday :o( Or just as bad, get to the point were they feel they need to carry a weapon to school for protection and then actually use it against another student. I realize that these scenarios are a loooooong way off if this was your sons first experience with bullying, but for me I like to look at the big picture. I know the destination I do NOT want my girls to get to, so if they get in trouble at school for fighting because the school is too stupid or irresponsible to enforce their own anti-bullying policies then I am going to get mad at the school, not my child.

The only punishment I could imagine actually giving them in this scenario would be martial arts lessons so they learn how to defend themselves properly :o) It might be something to think about for your son, because it lets him know that you support him and you care about his safety and even though you have to appear to punish him for 'fighting at school' in reality you think he did the right thing.

I hope this helps, but as I said, I haven't really had any experience with it yet so I can only say what I think I will do . . . good luck.

[deleted account]

I'm definitely against fighting, but considering that your son was bullied and just defending himself.... I think a talk about non-violent possible alternatives would've been all the action I would've taken as 'punishment' for my son.

Sherri - posted on 10/14/2010




My question would be why didn't you go to the school the minute you found out your son was being bullied? Our school has a no tolerance policy for bulling and that other student would have been suspended before this ever got to this point. You need to be the advocate for your son. Our school also does not have outside school suspensions they are still expected to attend school and do all there school work they are just separated into a room by themselves for the entire school day for how many days they are suspended for. Now unfortunately what has happened is your son is looking like the bully instead of this kid and it will follow him in his permanent record. So if it were to ever happen again and they open his record he is going to look like the trouble maker. You need to make sure if it ever happens again that you immediately contact the school.

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Sherri - posted on 10/14/2010




Our school does have NO tolerance policy and it is very strictly enforced. It may not happen all that often in your school but that doesn't go for all schools.

Erica - posted on 10/14/2010




I know school are SUPPOSE to have a no tolerance policy but enforcing does not happen all that much. My daughter is 10 and was playing basketball at recess last year and anothe little boy hit her in "the upper chest area"...i went straight to the principal the next day very upset. I really think you need to talk to all involved and see what they can do to keep the children separted from now on.

Danyell - posted on 10/14/2010




I told my girls a 3 strike rule. The first time tell them to stop, the second time tell them loudly so everyone can hear (an adult, so they can be aware of the situation) that if they do it one more time that they will regret it. the third time if noone (adult) has stopped it then do what they need to. It has worked with my oldest. She was bullied a few times. But when I heard I went to the school and didn't leave until I talked the teacher. If I went out there another time I went to the principle. My twins were bullied alot last year. I went to the teacher a few different times for them. I told her the same thing. Now last year my youngest came home to tell me she hit the girl that messed with her and a little boy. Then snapped at the teacher. The teacher sent a note home also about the hit but not about her snapping at the teacher. I asked her what the lil girl and boy do before she hit them and she told me they said something she didn't like. Well I talked to her about that, told her if she started it then she won't no better than them, and that if I find out she did it again that she will be punished. Her punishment this time was she had to write the girl, boy, and teacher a letter telling them that she was sorry. She didn't do it anymore. Now about your punishment. He was defending himself. I wish my youngest two would. i still have to go to the school when they come home with problems. They are to scared to be in trouble. I have told them if it got that far and they got in trouble than I will b out @ that school to deal with it. How I see it if they know this kid was a problem then they should of done something to protect your son sooner. The school should be punished. And if it was my child that got suspended for it then I wouldn't just stop at the school. I would go to the school board if I have to.

Firebird - posted on 10/14/2010




Well, here's my experience with bullies and fighting. I used to get bullied when I was a kid. My first fight happened when I was 11 with a girl who'd been bullying a lot of people for a few months. I went home that day with scratches on my face and naturally my mom noticed and forced me to tell her what happened. My dad is a karate instructor and I started training when I was 4. So my punishment for fighting (or rather, defending myself) was my mom asking me "well did you kick her butt?".lol I told her that I walked away while the other girl sat on the ground holding her head, so she could decide if a butt was kicked. Turned out she got a mild concussion and a sprained wrist. I was attacked, and defended myself. That's what I was raised to do. The school did nothing. And my parents sure weren't going to punish me for doing exactly what they told me to do: stick up for myself. I don't get it, you told your son to defend himself, then punished him for doing so. It was a mild punishment, yes, but talking to him about it would have likely done the trick. I would be going after the school for allowing continued bullying to happen, not punishing my child for standing his ground.

Amy - posted on 10/14/2010




I probably would of contacted the school after the first incident when my son came home with bruises. Then I would of kept following up with the school to make sure that the little boy was supervised and kept away from my son. That way the school could be held responsible for this incident, god knows I would feel horrible if my kids told me someone was bothering them and i didn't do anything about it and then it escalated to the point my kids were suspended. I know I'm probably over protective but you hear about too many kids taking their own lives after being bullied in school, I know it's no more nowadays than it used to be but now the media has taken interest in it and the bullying can continue to happen outside of the school.

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