Husband's affair resulted in a baby

Kathryn - posted on 04/29/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My husband of 14 yrs had a 6+month affair with a 24 yr old he works with (he is 41). I found out that he was havving an affair and that she was pregnant all in the same moment. She had a baby girl and paternity proved to be his. I had him court ordered to move out b/c I couldnt stand the hurt and betrayl, btw we have a 4,6,8 children of our own. after a yr of seperation I gave him a second chance, for the kids sake really. They dont deserve a broken family and I do love him. He has been back in the home for 8 months and now the babys momma has taken him to court for child support. He has to pay 900.00 a month and will see the child ( 14 months old now) everyother weekend and once a week. Although things b/w us are somewhat better, I am so resentful of all the money going out to this girl and what emotional harm having this baby in and out of our family, will do to my children. I tried to make it work, but I dont think I can handle all these additional factors that are and will play into our lives from now on. We dont have that kind of extra money, and I cant stand the thought of having to deal with the babys momma. HELP??!

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You're going to have to deal with her. Trust me, you will feel better if you try to remember that this young woman was not the one who betrayed you. No matter what she did, it wasn't she that made promises to you. Try to think of it this way - that little girl is your childern's sister. Unorthodox as to how she came about but she's their sister. As hard as it is (and I do know how hard it is) try to love her. She is the real victim here. She doesn't deserve a broken family any more than your children do.

And yes, having to pay child support stinks I'm sure a good woman like you would not want this child who already has so many strikes against her go without basics. Family counseling is strongly recommended.

And as nuts as it sounds, try your best to be friendly with the young woman. You can only come out on top if you do. Just remember, you truly won't ever know what he told her.

Let me put it this way. My son was 4 months old when his father left and moved in with another woman. I made up my mind to love our child more than I hated him. I went out of my way to be friendly and gracious with her and i'm glad I did. Any negativity would have been picked up by my child. As it is, she's a beloved stepmother. When they had their son 5 years ago, I was jealous being reasoning. I can't have any more so why should he? Well, I got over that. Now I see my son with his little brother and I'm so glad I swallowed my pride all those years ago. He is so happy to have him.


If you notice, I haven't said much about him. I don't plan on it. I think he is the guilty party supreme here and you're far more gracious about taking him back than I would have been. I'm not trying to get you to remain mad at him - that serves no purpose. But he is the one who hurt you, not this woman. She may have been lied to all along and very likely has her own anger with him. i know that's not easy to feel sympathetic for but make the effort. Again - you have NOTHING to lose if you do and if you don't, you run the real risk of causing a marital rift to widen even further and hurt your children and this little girl.

Louise - posted on 04/30/2012

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I would not be able to deal with that situation either, it is one thing having a fresh start after an affair but another to bring a child into the world. The other woman is always going to be in your life if you stay with this man. I know you love him, but do you really want to live with the constant reminder of his affair coming to stay with you every other weekend. Don't get me wrong, I would hold nothing against the child, but I could not live with hatred of what he had done. If you really want it to work then you will have to accept the other woman and the child as part of your extended family. I think you will have to be a very forgiving, understanding strong woman to do that! I know I could never recover my love and respect for my husband, or get over the resentment of losing all that money every month.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/27/2013

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Shonta - posted on 06/25/2013

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He needs to exercise his visitations outside the home.if you can't accept the child coming over then tell him and get your respect

Stifler's - posted on 04/29/2012

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I agreee wholeheartedly with Jen. What if it was you who had a kid to someone who possibly lied and said he didn't have a family or was broken up with his wife at the time or some other thing? His child deserves money to contribute to her life.

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