Husband Ungrateful That I'm Producing Breastmilk...Need to Vent

Jessica - posted on 09/13/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




I'd like to start off by saying that when my 2 year old was born I was only able to breastfeed/pump for 6 weeks because I wasn't making enough milk due to postpartum depression. Now, with my second daughter who is now 6 months old, I've been able to nurse and pump the whole time. I'm super proud of myself, because it's definitely a lot of work and tiring. My husband couldn't be any more ungrateful or supportive, though, since he has to help feed the baby at night.

Unfortunately I don't nurse often because my daughter gets really distracted and takes forever, and when she thinks she's done, she really isn't, so I have to then pump the rest out and usually bottle feed the rest to her. So, I decided to just pump so I don't have to do double duty every time she needs to feed, or I'd only get 2 hours of sleep at a time at nighttime. I rely on my husband to help feed her at nights. Then he goes to work during the day, while I stay home (on disability for an autoimmune disorder I was diagnosed with a year ago, and just lost my job). I do all the house chores, take care of both kids, make sure there's dinner most nights, and even plate his food for him. I also do all the dishes throughout the day and both after cooking and after eating. Not to mention all the bottles. My husband comes home from work and sits in front of the TV until it's time to go to sleep. He rarely gets home in time to help with any of the evening kids chores like dinner and bath and bedtime, so I'm usually by myself doing those things (with a 2 year old and 6 month old), and he wonders why I'm so tired by 8pm at night.

Anyway, back to the reason I'm posting. I just got up to pump, but I checked in on him and the baby to see why the baby had been crying for so long (the whole time she should have been feeding). I've tried to explain NUMEROUS times to him that he needs to calm down at night. He gets so frustrated by her crying and gets so mean verbally with her (like "what the hell is your problem", "shut up", and things like that) that she feels it even if she doesn't understand the words. She's very sensitive, and she totally can tell when her handler is bothered. So I took her for 5 minutes just to show him the difference and she immediately calmed down. His response was, "So do you want to take her and put her to sleep?". I told him I needed to pump (because putting her to sleep would take another 20 min or so), and his response was "you need to stop this pumping already."

What about a thank you? Thank you for putting yourself through feeling like a cow hooked up to a machine. Thank you for saving us money we don't have to spend on formula. Thank you for taking an hour at a time out of your day, 5 times a day, to sit down to make nourishment for our daughter. Instead he's complaining about the one to two times a day he needs to give a bottle to his daughter that takes at most 20 minutes, and another 20 to put her to sleep...If I were to say any of this to him, his response would be "if it's so hard then stop pumping."

I'm annoyed with him that he can't help. I understand he's tired because he works during the day, but so do I. Getting up at night to have your nipple pulled by a machine is no fun time. So just as he's tired, so am I. But I'm sacrificing for my child. I don't understand why he doesn't think that way too. She's not going to be little forever and although it sucks to wake up in the middle of the night, that's what we signed up for by having another baby. We were very lucky with our first sleeping through the night at 2 months. But I've explained to him that isn't normal. He thinks we're doing something wrong or that our second isn't bright because she's still waking up at least once a night. I tried to explain to him that's pretty good and other babies are still waking more than that a night. I'm just so tired of his negativity and ungratefulness, and expecting that the things I do should just be done. He doesn't recognize that the house is always clean or that his laundry is always done. What, he thinks it just happens on its own? And now to continue being told I should stop pumping all because he doesn't want to help. How selfish is that?! I'm just upset while I pump away....


Sally - posted on 09/13/2013




I am finding breast feeding very tiring also. It's something we both wanted but my daughter feeds so frequently it really takes its toll. She is very hungry at night so sometimes I top her up with expressed milk so that I can have a break but my partner gets all humpy and agitated if I ask him to do this feed. He would rather au juvenile games on his phone. You are not alone. Sometimes I wonder if he wanted me to breast feed to save on the work for him!

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms