Husband vs Family

Sasha - posted on 09/26/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




I am really close to my parents and younger brothers, and lately they have been facing a horrible situation where they need my support. I of course am always there for them and especially during these rough times. However, my husband has shocked me with his reaction and his unwillingness to support me. He has placed me in an awkward a position where he has told me to let them deal with it and for me to "leave the nest". I would never tell him something like that if his immediate family would need him, I would 100% support him. I am very disappointed in him and just a few days ago he also told me that I would always put our baby before him. I am unsure where all these comments are coming from when I am always attentive and loving to him. Not only am I disappointed in him ,but now I am questioning my marriage with him and I am feeling so confused about him. He is not who I thought he was I guess. Please help!


View replies by

Chet - posted on 09/26/2014




It's difficult to offer specific advice without more detail about what is happening exactly...

In general, when you marry, that relationship needs to become your primary relationship. A pattern of consistently putting other relationships ahead of the relationship with your spouse is unhealthy for your marriage. You do need to be a wife before you're a daughter or a sister. Even if you feel like you've treated your husband well, that's not the same as fully making your marriage your primary relationship.

That doesn't mean you can't be there for other people. It just means that big picture you need to be concerned with fostering the new family you formed ahead of the family you grew up with.

Many dads also struggle when a new baby joins the family. This is something that couples often get warned about in marriage prep classes, and as ridiculous as it can sound, it is a common issue.

Now, it's possible that your husband has issues, and that he's being completely unreasonable. Again, it's really hard to say without knowing more about what's going on.

But it's also possible that your husband has been justifiably feeling like you haven't left the nest. And that unfortunately, he's not expressing it in a very construction way (criticizing you rather than talking about how he is feeling), or at a very good time (waiting until there is a lot going on with your extended family).

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms