Husbands Ex-Fiancé

Kmj14 - posted on 08/19/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




To make a really long story short my husband was engaged before we met and the engagement fell through because the girl cheated on my husband and it didn't work out. She was crazy about my nephew but my nephews mom (sister-in-law) was not crazy about the ex girlfriend. They never had a relationship or really got along. My sister in law has used the phrase to me "I didn't not like her". So I was extremely surprised when my husbands ex was posting pictures of herself with my nephews and niece recently. And I've been informed by both m mother in law and sister in law that they are close friends now and my sister in law is going to be in her wedding in January. I feel extremely confused and disappointed because this has been discussed by my husband And my in laws with both my brother/sister in law and the relationship is continuing to grow. My husband and I are not invited to the same events as friends but the ex and her new fiancé are. Therefore it's effecting our relationship with them greatly. Not to mention it's hurtful to both my husband and myself. This has been progressing over the past year and a half. But the entire time my sister in law has told us that they don't talk about my husband and I and that it's purely friendship based.
When our little girl was born the ex girlfriend said that the name we chose was the name my husband chose with her and spread that into our family. Which was a red flag that in my opinion this is not a friendship for her it's out of spite of my husband and I.
This past weekend I had a talk with my sister in law about why my husband and her are no longer close as they used to be. I told her that it did have some to do with the whole ex thing. So my sister in law continued to tell me that she thinks we should go to dinner just her, the ex girlfriend and myself to hash this out. And on top of everything it was said by the ex that for the first time (over the past two years) a week ago she saw a picture of my husband and didn't feel sad or confused anymore. So it is clear to me that this ex girlfriend is not friends with my sister in law for a friendship I feel it's very vindictive.
I don't want a relationship with the ex girlfriend and I really disagree with the choice of my brother and sister in law choosing a relationship with her over my husband and I.

I'm feeling like until this is something that changes I have no interest in spending time or holidays with any of the people on my husbands side that are supporting or keeping opinions to themselves. I feel it's disrespectful to my husband on many levels and uncomfortable for me. I feel our personal family issues/business is being shared with this woman and I'm not interested in being a part of this situation any longer. Can anyone relate? Any advice or views? I'm not one to make excuses for others I believe in family being loyal and I believe in respect. I feel that the entire situation is against my beliefs and what I want in my life and my little girls. And my husband has expressed he's deeply bothered by it as well.


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/19/2014




Once again, one cannot pick and choose the people that family (inlaws included) have in their social circles.

In other words, if your husband has a problem with his sister being friends with his ex, he needs to hash that out with sis, and drop the subject after. He can't choose his sister's friends, nor should he want to.

If the ex is trying to create trouble, you don't have to play...You don't have to acknowledge that sis has a relationship with her, you don't have to dignify any of the comments that sis relays to her brother or yourself with acknowledgement. You need to ignore it and let it roll off your back.

If you have decided that this relationship is detrimental to you and your husband interacting with his family, that's your choice, but you've stated that she's not invited to the same events you are, so why are you bugged about it? Are you worried that he'll go back to her? Is that the problem?

From the sounds of what you've posted here, you and your husband are the ones making big waves about it. First, why are you even seeing what the ex posts? Are you on her friend's list? If you're seeing them on sis-in-law's wall, get over it, obviously the woman enjoys her friends having fun with her kids. Second, why are you worried about the events that the ex is invited to, but you're not? You're not having to interact with her, nor is your husband, and you stated that you and he are invited to different events.

Hubby can't choose his family's friends, nor can you.

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