I am a Father with a childish exwife.

Matthew G - posted on 03/09/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )




I have my children every weekend, sometimes 2-5 days out of the week. My two boys act up, do not listen to my rules and act ugly as sin "foul mouths, rude gestures, idgaf attitudes, want want want give me give me give me, overly rough when playing " kids are kids" but they go toe to toe like me in my brawling days, whiney, disrespectful, cry for mama, Nana, and papa when they are disciplined, laugh at me when I talk to them and explain what they are doing wrong. By the time they leave they are decently mannered, bright eyed, wide smiles, helpful, and just sweet little boys like they truly are. And they really don't want to leave but mama guilt trips or bribes with toys or games, fast food and snacks...they earn those rewards under my roof or go without...I'm not strict, loud, or a warden of Sam quinton. But I do expect rules to be followed, and respect for their daddy and my girlfriend, who has the same mentality as I. When they return, they are back to square one....I do not know how much more de ja vu I can handle, I'm almost to the point of just explaining that they will not come back yo daddy's house until they decide they can act like the good little boys they are...I don't want that, even through the hell I'm happy when I have my boys...ADVICE PLEASE!!!! And there is no compromise or understanding from their mother, and she portrays to be super mom....the 9years I spent with her and her quack family justifies my words. Evil.


Jodi - posted on 03/09/2015




How old are your boys?

What I am going to say, however, is that you cannot just say that if they don't come to your house behaving the right way they can't come any more. You can't use your time with them as punishment for their poor behaviour. Imagine if she did that to you? You'd be crying about how unfair that was. It isn't their mother's job to set them up for your household expectations. That is your job. Your children are actually doing something that is very, very common and they WILL eventually outgrow it. Most younger children in a split family arrangement do tend to act up for a little while in transitioning from one home to the other.

What you need to teach them is that in your home you have your rules, and mummy has her rules in her house, and that's all there is to it. This will take time. But continue to be consistent with your rules and eventually it will pay off. Choosing to not have them come over because it isn't working for you is the same as rejecting your children and they will take that very personally as a sign you don't want them and don't like them, and if they are too young to understand that the rules are different in mum and dad's houses, then they are going to be too young to link your rejection of them with their behaviour. They will see it as you not liking them and not wanting them any more.


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Matthew G - posted on 03/19/2015




Thank you for the advice! And I would never "tell" them I didn't want their nonsense or selves in my home...I do feel like it is too much sometimes but I couldn't tell them that. State of panic when I posted but what you said makes very good sense of the matter...they are 4&7, intelligent. And reason for the scattered schedule is because the 3 adults living in the ex wife's home can't handle them for more than a day or two. Or just have more important things to do..I don't know what, definitely isn't work related. But, I did discipline them that night by taking away their technology and scapegoats to childhood, and an early bedtime on a weekend. They went home the next day and haven't seen or heard from them since. But they are on Xbox live from 8 am- 1 or 2 in the morning...Ive called, no answer or put on hold. Sent msgs, no reply..they are coming over in a few hours so let's see how this prolonged vacation pays off for them. Happy go lucky right out of the gate! :). Thank you for the words ladies!!!

Raye - posted on 03/10/2015




I think Jodi has said most everything I would have said.
What is your custody agreement / visitation plan? Just wondering why your schedule with them is so inconsistent. That is rough on kids, too, when they're not sure where they're going to be from one night to the next.

As they get older, they will learn who has their best interests at heart, and they will decide who they want to spend their time with. It seems they already prefer your home. So when they get old enough for the judge to listen to what they want, maybe you'll get them full time? Who knows.

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