I am a mother of 4 beautiful children. I am here because i would like to understand different points of views and how others may have dealt and if they have had or been in this type of situation.

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

To start off I have been in this relationship off and on for 6 going on 7 years. I have 2 children by him they are 5 (boy) and 3yrs (girl) and 2 older by different father. Me and my fiance have been through alot ,by the way he proposed to me on Valentines Day . It has not really felt like a real relationship since we have been together. We do not live together and really don't spend time together. So the best way to put it we are engaged and do not spend the night together at all. I could say i could count at least 2 and a half weeks we have actually spent the night together and really not even that. We are 2 total different people and have different views very different. I want more for my children. Better education, bigger house, and better enviroment . He wants to be here and does not want me to move too far but its really expensive. I want to move 2 and a half to 3 hours away but i feel like like i am taking his kids away. Well that's how he makes me feel anyway. I know i am unhappy but , No matter how i approach him to talk about it he becomes manipulative and tries to put things that are negative in my head. i feel kinda lost. like i lost myself and can't find my way to think for myself. What i do know is i do have 2 older children who deserve a stable mother in a stable home. Anyone have any suggestions or feedback. Thanks!


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Louise - posted on 04/19/2012




I think this is a part time relationship and really if he is not ready to commit to you full time you have to do what is right for you and the kids. If he truly wants to be with you he will move as well. Don't base your life around a man who wonders in and out of your life. You have the kids all the time. If you feel moving away would make you all happy, then do it.

Helen - posted on 04/18/2012




do what is best for you huni i have two girls 8 and 6 from my previous relationship and a boy 4 and girl 3 from my recent ex i was the same wanted more for my kids was on and off with him he moved out the other year to see if we worked any better with bit of time apart but nothing we did worked he would have been quite happy in a dead end job living where we do but for me i felt like even tho i wouldnt be with either dad i could give them a better life and i have well in the process ( getting my final qualification at college in june ) i have a very good friendship with my eldest too dad and building one with my lil two dad but i am now a single mom of 4 and at times its hard on my own but i know they now have a much better life they do see their dads too so every body wins my advice to you is defo do wat YOU think is rite explain to your kids if you can that will sooth any anxiety they have i did with mine i told them that mummy and daddy loved them just as much but we didnt love each other good luck in wat ever you decide

Tabitha - posted on 04/18/2012




You have 2 children together, are still in a "relationship" with him and he hasn't moved in yet? When you start talking about moving, he gets manipulative and negative? It sounds like he's a afraid of commitment. 2 1/2 hours away isn't that far if he wants to see his kids. But if he was worried about that, he woulda moved in with you already. You need to do what's best for you and your kids. If that means moving without him, just do it. If he steps up and also does what's best for you and the kids, great! If not, then you know he's not worth it.

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