I am about to start potty training my 23month old Daughter any tips???

Belinda - posted on 05/20/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I have attempted this back when she was 18months old but she did not have the control over it.



I am sure she has now; as she even demonstrated just this morning.



She was getting dry from her shower and stared to pee on her change table. When she noticed what she had done she stopped. We scooped her up and took her to her potty; which I have been encouraging her to sit on over the last few weeks (with some successful attempts)



She started to tantrum on me so I decided to put the seat bit on the toilet and sat her on there. She was really happy to be on there and finished off what she had started. I made the usual fuss over her and when it came time to flush it she tantrum on me again because she wanted to keep sitting on there... Normally she wants to flush it so this made no sense to me?



I guess I want to know peoples opinions about:

Training her directly on the toilet with the seat attachment and not bother with the potty part?

How to stop the tantrums as best I can?

If tantrums can create any other issues I need to be wary of?

Plus any other advise which can help this transition as painless for me and her...



Thanks for all your advice given.

13 Comments

View replies by

Renae - posted on 05/22/2009

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great question...interesting answers. My 23mth old is on the bell timer and loves being naked yeah we have accidents but we are working on it. she also has a sticker chart. I'm not sure she is "completley" ready as even though she can take off her pants her nappy is still saturated during the night. I am not worried I march to my own drum and don't allow negative comments second guess my parenting ability. I learnt that one before we left the hospital. Advice is always great just do what you want with it and find what works for you and your family. Trial and error that's my motto.

GOOD LUCK, we're right there with ya!!

[deleted account]

We actually tried potty training as soon as Abby was walking (My mother's advice based on when she started my and my sisters) and while my daughter had a little success, she just wasn't able to recognize when she NEEDED to go. Some kids can't that early or even well into the toddling years. Abby was a preemie and most people (ie: doctors) say that she will be "behind" (which I find to be insulting), it can be true. Every child developes at a different rate, preemie or not, and will do it when the time comes.



I don't see forcing your kid to sit on a potty chair if she's screaming her head off, there is a limit on when you should make them and when it's time to stop. If you make it a CHORE then she's going to resist. You can't make it all fun and games either. You've got to find a happy medium. A little FUN structure.



Abby's doctor said that some kids aren't ready until they're almost 3, and that some aren't ready even then...it's completely on a child by child basis, so being "harsh" about kids that are almost 3 and still in diapers is unrealistic and calling it laziness is just downright rude. There could be any number of reasons that a child of 2 or even 3 isn't out of diapers. Basing what you KNOW on what they are going through is unfair. We DIDN'T teach our kids to pee, much less in a diaper...it just came natural, the diaper was for our benifit. I know my daughter never once said to me, "Hey, put that plastic covered cloth on me so I won't peepee down my legs."



There are some things in life you CAN'T control. I didn't teach my daughter to eat off the floor, but if she drops something and gets it before I can get to her..you can bet she is going to eat off the floor. Why? Because that's what's natural to her. She'll learn in time how to control those natural reactions and urges and until then, I'll just have to be quicker than her.



Every adult is not the same, what makes anyone think that any kid should be the same? Yes, there is a point to which a kid SHOULD be potty trained, but you can't push something that they're just not mentally, physically and emotionally ready for. And while it is important to test our children's abilities from time to time, pushing them to do something they're not able to do can sometimes do more harm than good.



There are signs that a child is ready...Going all night with a dry diaper. Telling you they have to pee (even if they've already went) and the ability to pull their own pants up and down are a few. If your child isn't ready...they aren't ready. Period. That is in no way a reflection on your parenting ability. If you're supporting her and urging her to be a big girl, then you're doing what you can do. In the end, it'll be her choice no matter if anyone wants to admit that or not.



Yeah, kids can know how to get their way, but there is a reason for them not going and reguardless of that reason if you try and try and all you get is a headache and a kid with swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks..then maybe it's not time. Stop for a couple of days and try again.



If you are still insistant that your child be potty trained by some set age then you may try this:



Get a timer with a bell (kitchen timers are good).



Set it for 20-30 minutes and when the bell goes off, take your child to the bathroom and sit her on the potty. While everyone has a certain amount of time that should be given to the child, Abby's doctor suggested the same amount of time on the potty as her age...(ie: Abby is 2 so she sits there for 2 minutes)



If she's still not went potty then we let her up, set the timer for 20-30 more minutes and when the bell goes off, we do it again. There WILL be accidents in between trips to the potty...that's only natural..just chalk it up, change her and tell her, "It's okay, you'll do it next time." Then start over.



While it takes time...it helps mold her way of thinking. When she hears the bell she knows it's time to go potty. Eventually she'll go when she hears the bell because kids are creatures of habit. If they do things a certain way everyday, then they'll continue to do them that way out of habit. Once she does go, she'll eventually learn to recognize the urge to go. It's a process..one that's not at all easy for some kids...but the abilities there...At the right TIME.



While I'm not all for the candy reward, I do think that a reward of some kind can be helpful. I swore I'd never bribe my child, BEFORE I had a child...but sometimes it can help. I've got a sticker program. It's a poster of Poo Poo and Pee...and it's got the date and time and then columns under each. We keep it in the bathroom above her potty chair. Everytime she goes to the potty, we get to put a star by that time. She's into that because it shows her progress and she always wants to improve. Kids strive for approval, if they show it or not. (Well that and she loves stickers..lol) But it works.



It's also been suggested to let a child run around naked the first few days, that way there is no "barrier" when they do have to go...unfortunately there is no "barrier" when it comes to accidents either, so use that suggestion at your own discretion..lol.



Hope some of this helps...just remember, Potty training is just that...Training...it will come with practice.

[deleted account]

We actually tried potty training as soon as Abby was walking (My mother's advice based on when she started my and my sisters) and while my daughter had a little success, she just wasn't able to recognize when she NEEDED to go. Some kids can't that early or even well into the toddling years. Abby was a preemie and most people (ie: doctors) say that she will be "behind" (which I find to be insulting), it can be true. Every child developes at a different rate, preemie or not, and will do it when the time comes.



I don't see forcing your kid to sit on a potty chair if she's screaming her head off, there is a limit on when you should make them and when it's time to stop. If you make it a CHORE then she's going to resist. You can't make it all fun and games either. You've got to find a happy medium. A little FUN structure.



Abby's doctor said that some kids aren't ready until they're almost 3, and that some aren't ready even then...it's completely on a child by child basis, so being "harsh" about kids that are almost 3 and still in diapers is unrealistic and calling it laziness is just downright rude. There could be any number of reasons that a child of 2 or even 3 isn't out of diapers. Basing what you KNOW on what they are going through is unfair. We DIDN'T teach our kids to pee, much less in a diaper...it just came natural, the diaper was for our benifit. I know my daughter never once said to me, "Hey, put that plastic covered cloth on me so I won't peepee down my legs."



There are some things in life you CAN'T control. I didn't teach my daughter to eat off the floor, but if she drops something and gets it before I can get to her..you can bet she is going to eat off the floor. Why? Because that's what's natural to her. She'll learn in time how to control those natural reactions and urges and until then, I'll just have to be quicker than her.



Every adult is not the same, what makes anyone think that any kid should be the same? Yes, there is a point to which a kid SHOULD be potty trained, but you can't push something that they're just not mentally, physically and emotionally ready for. And while it is important to test our children's abilities from time to time, pushing them to do something they're not able to do can sometimes do more harm than good.



There are signs that a child is ready...Going all night with a dry diaper. Telling you they have to pee (even if they've already went) and the ability to pull their own pants up and down are a few. If your child isn't ready...they aren't ready. Period. That is in no way a reflection on your parenting ability. If you're supporting her and urging her to be a big girl, then you're doing what you can do. In the end, it'll be her choice no matter if anyone wants to admit that or not.



Yeah, kids can know how to get their way, but there is a reason for them not going and reguardless of that reason if you try and try and all you get is a headache and a kid with swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks..then maybe it's not time. Stop for a couple of days and try again.



If you are still insistant that your child be potty trained by some set age then you may try this:



Get a timer with a bell (kitchen timers are good).



Set it for 20-30 minutes and when the bell goes off, take your child to the bathroom and sit her on the potty. While everyone has a certain amount of time that should be given to the child, Abby's doctor suggested the same amount of time on the potty as her age...(ie: Abby is 2 so she sits there for 2 minutes)



If she's still not went potty then we let her up, set the timer for 20-30 more minutes and when the bell goes off, we do it again. There WILL be accidents in between trips to the potty...that's only natural..just chalk it up, change her and tell her, "It's okay, you'll do it next time." Then start over.



While it takes time...it helps mold her way of thinking. When she hears the bell she knows it's time to go potty. Eventually she'll go when she hears the bell because kids are creatures of habit. If they do things a certain way everyday, then they'll continue to do them that way out of habit. Once she does go, she'll eventually learn to recognize the urge to go. It's a process..one that's not at all easy for some kids...but the abilities there...At the right TIME.



While I'm not all for the candy reward, I do think that a reward of some kind can be helpful. I swore I'd never bribe my child, BEFORE I had a child...but sometimes it can help. I've got a sticker program. It's a poster of Poo Poo and Pee...and it's got the date and time and then columns under each. We keep it in the bathroom above her potty chair. Everytime she goes to the potty, we get to put a star by that time. She's into that because it shows her progress and she always wants to improve. Kids strive for approval, if they show it or not. (Well that and she loves stickers..lol) But it works.



It's also been suggested to let a child run around naked the first few days, that way there is no "barrier" when they do have to go...unfortunately there is no "barrier" when it comes to accidents either, so use that suggestion at your own discretion..lol.



Hope some of this helps...just remember, Potty training is just that...Training...it will come with practice.

[deleted account]

Good for you for starting at the right time! Doctors and people are saying that actually 18 months is the easiest time to do it. I am 5 days into training my son who just turned 2 last week. He is already being able to hold it when we start to see him go and we say "hold it, get to the toilet"! He also is recognizing when he needs to poo and going on there. I can't believe all the 3 year olds out there who are still not trained! Seriously the whole "he's not ready" to me is an excuse for laziness. This may sound harsh knowing there have already been responses on here saying that, but really are you deciding what's right for your child or are you letting a 2 year old decide what is right for them? Think about all the different areas of a child's life. Do they decide when they are ready or do you encourage them to take a step towards being older? milk to baby food, having them walk instead of crawl, eating vegtables, obeying... If we waited until children were ready to obey, it'd never happen. We've trained them to do everything they do. We trained them to pee in a diaper and we can just as easily train them to pee in a bowl. When I introduce new things I lovingly say it's just the way it is. You used to go in your diaper, now you go on the toilet. Kids pick up on any inconsistency and lack of discipline on the parents part and they will take full advantage. Tantrums have nothing to do with potty training but more so her knowing from the time she was old enough to understand your words how much she is able to get away with without getting disciplined however you choose to discipline. If you don't reign that in it will just get worse the older she gets and by the time she makes it to school people with think she has ADD and want to drug your kid up. Now there are instances where a very few children actually have ADD but a lot of children just need more boundries and consistency. I help train parents who have been told that their child has ADD/ADHD and dn't want to put them on drugs. I show them the areas where their discipline has been failing, they get more consistent and actually follow thru with their words and low and behold a month later the child is well mannered and can focus! Anyways, Just now as I typed this my son was playing said "uh oh" ran to the toilet (a little one we put in the kitchen so he can make it there in time) and pooed for the second day in a row without even needing me to go with him. Said all this to encourage you that you can do anything with regards to your child as long as you are passionate enough about the change that your child sees that there is no option. When you want them to do something and they see their is an option you will view it as not obeying when really you have given them to choice to yell and scream at you or just pee their pants because there are no consequences. I give him a treat every time he goes and now he looks forward to going and he loves all the praise and admiration we give him. Another great idea I have started to use is I made a little badge that says "I went on the toilet today!" and he wears is all day long. That way everywhere we go people see that and praise him and it keeps it fresh in his mind what he needs to do.

Tonya - posted on 05/21/2009

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I'm working on potty training child #3 and we found that waving bye-bye to the potty as it flushed and saying "bye-bye pee/poo" helped with ours. it turned it into a game. mind my current child is only 21 months so we are a long way away but hang in there. also I switched competely to panties. and when she starts using the potty we are going to buy her some with her favorite character on them. hang in there! She'll get it. mine never liked a big fuss being made over them either. it seemed to make them shyer.

Patti - posted on 05/21/2009

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Quoting Amanda:

I think every child is different. My sister and I both trained before we were one, we were military brats and really had no choice because of transitioning all of the time. My mother is completly dumbfounded that my daughter will be 3 in October and is not potty trained yet. We've bought every book, toy, special potty, doll, movie, and journals out there on the market and nothing has worked for her yet. Loralie does enjoy sitting on the big potty more than her little potty seats (yes we've had many lol). I've tried everything and followed every bit of advice from just letting her wear thick training panties and if she goes on herself let her feel uncomfortable and then change her so she knows to not do it in her panties to buying her pretty "big girl" panties so she won't ruin them. Finally, we're trying a piece of advice one of her little friend's grandmothers gave me.....she'll do it when she's ready. She is very concious of the fact that she's doing it but my daughter is very stubborn and will only do things if she feels she is in control of the situation (the other little girl is the same way). She said just let her see that she can decided and let her do it. That little girl will turn 3 in July and is now potty trained so hopefully it won't be much longer before mine decides to do the same.


Sounds so familiar!  My daughter will be 3 in October as well - and shows absolutely no interest in potty training.  She sees her potty chair as just a chair to hang out on while Mommy is showing her how to be a big girl, and could care less about being in a dirty diaper.  She is incredibly stubborn and wants to be in control of everything  as well.  To top it off she has a new baby sister - 7 weeks old. I was told to hold off on training for now with the new change in the house, so we are holding off on trying to train her until she really shows she is ready.  Just keeping the potty chair handy and keeping up the "potty talks" in hopes she will be ready sooner than later!

Nicola - posted on 05/21/2009

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i tried to potty train my daughter 3 times.
she was really not interested untill she was bout two and a half.
i bought her a potty to familarise her with it and ofter we played with it with her dollies.
then she decided that she would try it herself. I used to ask her to sit on it thirty minutes after she had a drink.
And about three weeks after doing this, she started telling me she needed a wee.
You have to wait till she wants to and is interested in her self.
Staying at home helps because there will be no accidents out and about.
And if your child has an accident be supportive and dont shout or show displeasure.
Buying pretty knickers and pants that your child wants to wear is good. With me and my daughter i bought her Marie knickers as its her favourite character.
I hope this helps.

User - posted on 05/21/2009

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chocolate buttons. and books about girls on the potty. worker for us. Any distress, back off.

Lisette - posted on 05/21/2009

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hey mom,i would like 2 give u a small tip.i have 3 chlidren, so i've been there.keep your nerves cool.it will be hard 4 a couple of days but do'nt surrender.if you can take a couple of days off from your work and stay home with her ,it will be better.start with the potty,on my oppinion it's better.4 her tantrums :sit beside her,let her see you watching her ,DO NOT SUBMIT 2 HER ,if you do it ounce she will think that she's in control.she will try 2 manipulate you with her crying ,do not let her feel your anger or frustration,chlidren are much smarter than we think,beleive me.reward her with a big hug or a play time ,a story if she 's A GOOD GIRL.hang in there !

[deleted account]

sounds aweful but keep the potty in the lounge as part of the furniture otherwise take her to the toilet when you go "mummy been good girl" now ?? turn that works pretty well too.

Becky - posted on 05/21/2009

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I agree with the advice given to Amanda - she'll train when she's ready. If tantrums are taking place, she may not quite be ready to fully potty train, even if she's showing clear signs that she's getting close. 23 months is very early - not impossible to train, just really early. Don't get discouraged about the tantrums or if it doesn't seem to work as quickly as you'd like. Every child's body is different, and no amount of "want-to" on Mom's part will make her train earlier or later. If the tantrums continue, she might just need to wait a little while and learn a little more bladder control before she feels ready herself. Very often, actually "going" on the potty at such an early age is a fluke - the child may have "gone" at that point whether she was on the potty or not. Sounds like you've had some degree of success at getting her to not mind sitting on the toilet and using it. Sometimes, this is just a game to very little ones, and when they don't feel like "playing" it, they will pitch a fit, as they would with any other activity they don't wish to do at the time. As she gets more ready to fully train, you'll know because it will become less and less of an "activity" to her, and turn into an actual necessary function.

Other than that, it sounds like you're going about the act of potty training exactly right! Just don't get discouraged, and let her get there in her own time. Good luck...you're doing great!

Joan - posted on 05/21/2009

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I've heard of many moms say that they bribed the girl promising pretty panties if they went to the potty. ive been tryng and mine's almost 2. But sinse she was very preemie, we're guessing it will be some time. Mine's afraid of it.

Amanda - posted on 05/20/2009

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I think every child is different. My sister and I both trained before we were one, we were military brats and really had no choice because of transitioning all of the time. My mother is completly dumbfounded that my daughter will be 3 in October and is not potty trained yet. We've bought every book, toy, special potty, doll, movie, and journals out there on the market and nothing has worked for her yet. Loralie does enjoy sitting on the big potty more than her little potty seats (yes we've had many lol). I've tried everything and followed every bit of advice from just letting her wear thick training panties and if she goes on herself let her feel uncomfortable and then change her so she knows to not do it in her panties to buying her pretty "big girl" panties so she won't ruin them. Finally, we're trying a piece of advice one of her little friend's grandmothers gave me.....she'll do it when she's ready. She is very concious of the fact that she's doing it but my daughter is very stubborn and will only do things if she feels she is in control of the situation (the other little girl is the same way). She said just let her see that she can decided and let her do it. That little girl will turn 3 in July and is now potty trained so hopefully it won't be much longer before mine decides to do the same.

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