I am losing my role as a mother....

Victoria - posted on 12/16/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




I am 23 years old. I work nights and sometimes days serving tables at a fine restaurant to pay for my son to go to a 5 star daycare. I also use this money to pay for my car and other life sustaining needs. I am in school full time for Physical Therapist Assistant. I am currently staying at home with my parents and other siblings. I have been doing so for over a year now. My 4 1/2 year old son and I have always had the best relationship. He has been a mommas boy and he listened to me and I always said I was so blessed to have such an amazing child. However, since I have started school and having to work so much in order to pay the bills I am hardly ever at home. I make a point to always take my son to school in the mornings. But, the mornings have gotten so hard since I started working so much and school. My son does not listen to me, he throws fits all morning long. I can see his lack of respect for me. I can see his respect for my parents. My son does not even look at me as a care giver anymore. On nights I have off he wants his grandmother to do things for me and will throw a fit if I try. My parents and I have always had a rocky relationship. Over this past year they have belittled me in front of my son because they did not agree with my parenting. I do think that this has something to do with it. However, I am certain that the biggest factor is me not being there. I feel guilty and I am making my self sick over the matter. The biggest reason for me to go to school and get my degree has now become the biggest reason for me not to do it. I love my son and I want what is best for him. But, I want to be his mother. I want to be the one putting him to bed at night. I just do not see how I can and support him and go to school. Anyone else in this situation? I was thinking of taking out loans? I would work much less. But I would also have debt. Help!!



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Mommabird - posted on 12/16/2014




Victoria, dont be too hard on yourself! Sounds like you are trying to look out for you and your sons future and Yes its hard doing it by yourself! Even though you live with your parents and they are helping you out in certain ways, not many single moms have the strength to tackle school, work and a 4 yr old. Our son is 4 also and even though I only work part time and have lots of time for him he acts this way too. Its common at this age to start showing their personalities and experimenting with them. My son pushes my limits on a daily basis, but I know it will pass. Just make every minute you have with him special. On the nights your home with him just start it off by asking him what HE wants to do...just YOU AND HIM. Its amazing what Quality time can do...in time THOSE are the moments he will remember and cherish so much :)

Nichole - posted on 12/16/2014




Victoria, you are giving your son his best chance by doing what you can to be a loving mother and trying your best to support him. Right now, he is testing you to see how far he can go and if you will still be there for him no matter how hard he pushes.
As far as your son's behavior my daughter went through this when she turned 4, and my mom expereinced this a lot with me growing up after my parents divorce. This is the only way a kid knows how to see that you will still love them no matter how hard they misbehave. The only advice I can give you on this, is to tell him whenever he misbehaves, "You know I love you even when I'm not happy with the way you are acting". I know it seems simple, but somehow saying that, and always ending each disciplinary action with a hug seems to go a long way. As far as your career and all, I apologize that I do not have enough experience with that to give you advice on that front.
With regards to your parents, the only thing I can think of is to maybe sit down with them and ask their advice on your plans and why you are doing what you are. You may have done this already, but that is all I can think of.
My prayers are with you, being a parent is hard, being a single parent is harder.

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