I am need of help and advice! My 14 year old rules my life

Kim - posted on 08/13/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )




let me start by saying, i've spoke with friends and family about my problems but i need advice from people that may have been through or are going through what i am.

I have two children my son is 14 and my daughter is 9 (different fathers). i was a single mom for years, and all of a sudden out of no where like a fairy tale i met a wonderful, WONDERFUL man, he mad me feel alive, made me see moms can be happy and be treated wonderfully too. Anyhow after dating this man for months and introducing both mine and his kids we decided to buy a home together, it was amazing and beautful, on two acres, this was a home we bought together to have the kids grow up in and for he and I to grow old in. After about a year and a half my son and his son began arguing ALL THE TIME, over EVERYTHING and EVERYTHING, my son wasnt happy and pulled the "I want to go live with my dad" card. Well I let him My son would come over on weekends disrupt the whole house cause agruments between the everyone in the house and even the neighborhood kids. fast forward six more months my son begged me to move out and get my own house so he could move out of his dads home, mind you my boyfriend and I loved and still love each other very much. well I moved out to make my son happy. Got my own place to rent in his fathers school district , another six months passed my son was treating me like crap, disobeying me, getting suspended from school etc. the last straw was he broke into my house and stole all his belongings and took them to his dads house, well my boyfriend said see, he doesnt respect you and so on and wanted my daughter and I to come home and move back into the home we purchased, I DID. My son didnt talk to me for 8 months, wouldn't come over, wouldn't return my calls etc. Then one day he was in a bad accident broke three bones and his dad called me i immeditaely ran to him to the ER. When he was discharged i begged my bf to let me bring him home for the weekend, I did and even though he had broken bones and was on pain meds, disrupted the house again, picked on his son all weekend and so on it was awful, but yet again my son said mom please please get your own place so we can be together and what did i do, I MOVED OUT AGAIN, I , ME disrupted our home pulled my daughter away from my bf and his son, whom she got along with well just to make my son happy.

Its been two years and my son is living with me full time, his dad has disappeared, my son only has me now. My daughter and I still go see my bf weve continued to date these last two years. we know we want to be together and , well my bf has asked me to move in again, to the home we bought together, picked out and wanted to grow old in. MY son told me if I do that he'll run away, he'll go live with his dad (which we do not even know where he is) . I don't know what to do, i wanna go home, the place where ive been renting the last two years is not my home, its an apartment, i miss my bf, i miss my :"stepson" I miss my home!!!

So now my question is, my son is still ungrateful, still treats me awful, my daughter and I want to go home and live with my bf, i understand she would have to change schools again, but truly the only person happy where i moved is my son!!!! he's 14 he''ll be gone soon in 3.5 to 4 years. what am i to do. we are wasting so so so much money and i don't know what to do. Please any advice would be appreciated


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Dove - posted on 08/14/2015




You've been letting him get away w/ this ridiculous behavior for years now... it is NOT going to get better w/out a lot of work on both of your parts. He learned that if he throws a fit like a toddler... mommy will cave to his every whim... and he's not likely to give that up w/out a HUGE battle.

I recommend you all get into some family counseling. You need to apologize to your son for letting him act like a toddler for far too long and let him know that things WILL be changing. Before you do this I recommend starting the counseling, so this conversation can happen IN counseling... cuz I can imagine it is not going to go very well. A good counselor will work w/ the entire family... help him deal w/ his emotions and help YOU to remain firm and consistent and accountable for your role in his behavior.

Good luck!

Candie - posted on 08/14/2015




How long was he in counseling? @Michelle asked a great question, what have his consequences been? I keep thinking that he's only 14; what is he going to be like at 16 or 17? Maybe you could try family counseling? He could probably benefit from some consistency from both you and your BF. Let a counselor give you some ideas and direction. Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 08/14/2015




He knows that if he kicks up enough stink he will get what he wants, you to himself!
You seriously moved twice because he told you to? What were the consequences when he was disrupting the house when you lived with your BF?
In regards to him breaking in and "stealing" his things, he didn't. He was living with you and moved to his Dad's and took his things with him.
You need to stop letting him rule your life.

Kim - posted on 08/14/2015




Yes we've tried counseling, we've even tried putting him in the local "scared straight" program

Kelly - posted on 08/14/2015




I think u need to call that bluff of his he is 14 years old if he say i will run away every kid will say that u need to give him tuff love i have a daughter that is 15 and she would fight me on everything last year she wouldnt go to school but i took her to school and sat outside her class all year long i told her u dont go to school u will see wat happens now she is saying mom i will attend school i dont need to sit outside my class.

Jodi - posted on 08/14/2015




In all this time, have you had your son in counselling? I'm sorry, but your son is manipulating you and is getting away with it because he can. You continue to give in to him. You need to STOP letting him rule your life. Call his bluff. He's actually counting on it that you won't.

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