The Circle of Moms site will be discontinued on March 1st, 2020. Head to POPSUGAR Family's Facebook page for more community discussions.

Let's Go >>

I am not a bad mother because I CHOSE not to breastfeed!!

Chantel - posted on 01/25/2009 ( 521 moms have responded )

415

13

34

I keep reading that "breast is best". Yes I realise that. I also have read that the only "good" reason not to breastfeed is medical. I chose not to breastfeed, yes. I did it because I was not comfortable with it. I've read that that isn't a good reason and that I'm a selfish mother for not doing what is "best" for my baby just because I was uncomfortable with it. Well. guess what? She is beautiful, smart and has never been sick at all and we have an awesome bond. I love my daughter unconditionally and no one can tell me I made a bad decision by choosing not to breastfeed.

And I'm not saying anything against breastfeeding at all, I am simply saying you can not call someone a bad mother because they choose differently.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Katie - posted on 01/26/2009

173

15

10

I have no problem with anyone who chooses not to breastfeed. I'm just glad that you're not making excuses.



So many moms watch me feed my son and say, "I wasn't able to do that because s/he just wouldn't latch" or some other lame excuse, which really upsets me seeing how I worked so hard to be able to breastfeed my 31 week old preemie who couldn't eat for 2 weeks nor could he latch and get a descent amount for over 2 months and had to take a bottle as well as breastfeed. Now that he's almost 6 months old I'm glad that we did it.



I just wish that other moms who want to say something about giving their baby formula would say the same thing as you: I just didn't want to breastfeed.

Janet - posted on 01/29/2009

5

21

0

no way, ur a parent, and with that you decide to give your baby, love, support and nurtering. i hate it when mums are made to feel bad because they choose not to do it. i breastfed 3 of my 5 children because i wanted to, i was encouraged to do it of course, but at the end of the day, its your choice. dnt feel bad, being a mum is hard enough without the burden of breast is best, its only best if its best for you too

Joey - posted on 01/29/2009

3

15

0

I tried my hardest with my first and after a few days of listening to her scream cause she was starving I finally gave up. My Mom even called the hospital(she lives across the country) and told me to stop being so hard on myself(cause I felt like a failure) and start bottle feeding. So I did. I felt guilty for awhile...but we bonded and loved each other from that first bottle on. Being a mom shouldn't start off so hard...do what YOU want...what YOU feel is right and what works for your family. I didn't even try with the second...there were no tears or feelings of guilt, just happy days.

[deleted account]

Quoting Katie:

I have no problem with anyone who chooses not to breastfeed. I'm just glad that you're not making excuses.

So many moms watch me feed my son and say, "I wasn't able to do that because s/he just wouldn't latch" or some other lame excuse, which really upsets me seeing how I worked so hard to be able to breastfeed my 31 week old preemie who couldn't eat for 2 weeks nor could he latch and get a descent amount for over 2 months and had to take a bottle as well as breastfeed. Now that he's almost 6 months old I'm glad that we did it.

I just wish that other moms who want to say something about giving their baby formula would say the same thing as you: I just didn't want to breastfeed.



Wow, lame excuses....that's not judgemental at all.  I'm glad you were able to work it out with your preemie and, in a perfect world, I would have had a positive breastfeeding experience with my son.  But I didn't.  I CHOSE also to go to formula because we were both miserable.  For me, in all honesty, breastfeeding was more painful than a drug free delivery.  I had scabs on my nipples even though I used Lansinoh.  2 lactation specialists and a midwife informed me that he had issues latching (I know, I know...lame in your book) but in the end, I made the best decision for me and my son...as did the original poster Chantel.  I guarantee you that if formula had been available 100 years ago, women would have used it.  Instead, back then, women used wet nurses.  Is that lame too?  Once I made the decision to use formula, I had the feeding experience I always wanted to have with my baby...the smiles, the coos, the calm, peaceful, warm and fuzzy feelings.  Don't be so judgemental Katie.  What might be "lame" to you is perfectly normal and ok with someone else.  I'm sure there are things you do that others wouldn't agree with and wouldn't you hate it if someone tried making YOU feel like crap about it?

Eve - posted on 01/28/2009

5

13

0

Quoting Lacey:

Im having a hard time deciding what to do... bottle or breast feed?! I dont like the guilt that people throw your way for wanting to bottle feed. Is it really going to be that horrible for my child to be fed from a bottle instead of my breast? I think thats what makes my decision so hard.... I will take any advice I can get!!!



Good for you for investigating the issue!  Information is power!  Check out a La Leche League group in your area (go to http://www.llli.org/ to find contact numbers, groups and times) before you have your child.  They will give you a lot of great information that will help you decide what to do.  These are women that really know their stuff, and LLL has been around for decades, helping women make choices like this.  Good luck!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

521 Comments

View replies by

User - posted on 01/29/2009

1

11

0

I breastfed my baby for a year, but that's just because it was right for me. That doesn't mean that it's right for everyone. If there is one thing that I have learned as a new mom. It's that everyone wants to judge you and give their opinion. I have learned that I just have to ignore these people. Don't let them get to you.

Angel - posted on 01/29/2009

4

8

0

first fo all, i thought this was a site for moms that have questions statements or comments about mothering. or was it just people like you that if we dont agree with your opnion were BAD MOMS. im thinking that you have some big issues and for you to say that im a bad mom is just wrong. i was just standing up for my views, apperently if its not the same as YOU im not welcome. shame on you.

Jenny - posted on 01/29/2009

10

16

0

I agree with you. I wasn't comfortable doing it but my mother-in-law was super in your face about it so I felt forced to. That did not make it enjoyable at all so kudos to you for standing up for what makes you happy! Your baby is beautiful and healthy- what else matters?

Auburn - posted on 01/29/2009

1

9

0

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?si...

"It's really personal choice," said Mardi Mountford, executive vice president of the International Formula Council. "There are lots of different circumstances that factor in. The mom is the one to make the choice."

Mountford also refuses to acknowledge that the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality report has any validity. "I don't accept the science," she says flatly.

It's a neat trick. The formula companies and their supporters have deftly reframed the debate. The science is invalid. So the debate isn't about science anymore, it's just about choice, and mothers shouldn't be made to feel guilty about their preferences.

"If a formula-fed child gets leukemia, we don't want the mother to feel guilt over it, on top of everything else," Johnston said.

No such mother should feel guilty. But she should feel angry that she wasn't told, in some clear, graphic and unmistakable way, what the health risks of formula-feeding are. The terrible thing is that our government had the information and for political and economic reasons chose -- and still chooses -- to keep that knowledge to itself.

Wendy Orent is the author of "Plague: The Mysterious Past and Terrifying Future of the World's Most Dangerous Disease.

Excerpts taken from the article The White House vs. mothers milk from the Los Angeles Times www.latimes.com

I thought I would post part of an article I have read and hope everyone will read it, no matter what stance you take.

Brandy - posted on 01/29/2009

21

49

1

I totally agree with you !!!!!!!! Mothers who dont breast feed STILL bond with their child....that is outragouse for someone to say that they dont!!....im a mother of 4 children who were proudly bottlefed....Im so happy you brung up this issue chantel..

Nikki - posted on 01/29/2009

4

0

0

I completely agree with you, I have a 3 year old daughter, who wasn't breastfed and she is perfectly healthy, she is never ill, is taller than average, and is beating all the milestones. She is happy, and has a lot of energy. I don't agree with all the things that are being said, about breast is best and bottle is bad. It's up to a woman how she wants to feed hyer baby, and she shouldn't be judged or be m,ade to feel like a bad person. Some of us don't want to have sore, cracked nipples, and people tutting if they feed their child in public!

Amanda - posted on 01/29/2009

20

3

0

iam a breastfeeding mom and for all you moms out there who choose not to i understand and respect you. For all the other Mom's out thered who nurse but are hagging and putting others down because they can't GROW up this is supposed to be a website for help not naggig and makeing ppl feel belittled. Mothers are mothers no matter what as long as they treat their child wonderfull!!!!!! Plesae stop harassing Mom's who can't or don't want to breastfeed it's their choice not yours.

Shanna - posted on 01/29/2009

6

22

0

We have amazing opportunities as mother right now because we have the option to breastfeed or not to breastfeed. You absolutely have to do what is right for you and your family. I think everything you read is just encouragement. Breastfeeding is best, but what's better for your family is that you are comfortable. I breastfed and loved it, but I was comfortable with it and it was the best thing for my family!

Amanda - posted on 01/29/2009

20

3

0

Quoting Amandaroo:



makes me FUCKIN SICK






well just to infomr you i do breat feed but i have respect for women who choose not to it is there anf their families decision and whatever makes a happy Mom make a happy baby. I believe that is ppl like you  who knock other ppl for any reason need to grow up and get a life. This is a cricle of Mom's site and u are swearing on here so let me guess u believe it's right to teach your children to swear and put and make fun of others for their choices PLEASE lady give me a break. WHO"S THE BAD MOM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Grow up and stop blamming others for your insercurities and unhappiness. For any MOm'S please do as you feel is the best for you adn your child and whatever that is it's fine and your baby will be fine and to all the other MOM's who are immature adn demean others think of others not yourself. I believe this site was posted to be a help for others not to come on here and disrespect ppls opinions. I hope you teach your children to respect each and every person as an individual. To me u r being completely racisit. THanks

Angel - posted on 01/29/2009

4

8

0

see how all you breast feeders out there are getting all fired up. if we dont agree with breast feeding then we are bad moms. thats a bunch of shit. who ever said to get fucked. thats real mature, just because i dont agree with how you feed your baby. you just confirmed my original comment on how self rightous SOME of you are. and i DO NOT feel guilty or EVER felt guilty about not breastfeeding, i made the choice and i have 2 healthy and HAPPY ( even though non breastfed kids dont have that special bond and r deprived) kids. alls im saying is and you have to admit that people that breastfeed think that they are the best parents and have the best kids. ya all sound like preachers. im not saying all people that breast feed are self rightous and want everyone to think that they are the greatest and did the best for their kids, because i know that there are alot of people that firmly believe that breastfeeding is the best choice. the only difference between them and YOU is, their silent in there views.

Whitney - posted on 01/29/2009

93

19

4

you know it's kind of funny that everyone on here is saying what they are saying and I am NOT saying you don't mean it, but when you tell someone you bottle fed you can get some NASTY looks, comments, and sadly enough some people just want to lecture. I didn't BF either, and like it was personal choice b/c I wasn't comfortable with it. I don't regret bottle feeding at all. I just have to tell them to go jump off a cliff. It's sad that it's a choice without a choice.

Rebecca - posted on 01/29/2009

2

13

0

i chose not to breast feed all 3 of my daughters and there is nothing wrong with them i didn't feel comfort with it either so i never did it

Jill - posted on 01/29/2009

4

21

0

Do what works for you. Try it if you can but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out because it is not really easy for first time Moms and takes a supportive husband. I tried with my daughter but she didn't latch and it was creating more and more stress for me. She is 10 months now and perfectly happy.

Kimberly - posted on 01/29/2009

59

3

1

Hi, I am a mother that now bottle feeds her baby. When my daughter was born, I had intended to breastfeed. I tried everything to get her to eat, I went everyday to the breastfeeding clinic to get help and to learn. I even had a public health nurse come to my house to help me. I live in Ontario, Canada, and she kept telling me that the "government" wants all mothers to breastfeed.  I was so confused when I couldn't feed my child and made to feel like a bad mother by those who only believed that breast is best.  I was so discouraged especially when it was the nurses and "experts" that were telling me this. My baby refused to eat and dropped over one pound in 3 days. That is when I went to the hospital and she had a dangerous level of jaundice and I had to put her on the bottle. I still continued to try to breastfeed her as well as bottle feed. The breastfeeding lasted a month... now my baby is healthy, happy and developing so well!!! She is 5 months old now and I am glad with my decision to stick to bottle feeding, now she is starting cereal. Don't let others tell you what is right for you and your baby, it's YOUR child, not theirs.

Genie - posted on 01/29/2009

152

8

32

I felt horrible when I was breast feeding my daughter. I was such an emotional wreck. I even remember thinking about ways I could give her back. I know all of this was because of the baby blues, lack of sleep, frustration with breast feeding, and stress. I had some complications which made breast feeding hard so I tried pumping for a little over a month. I was also in college at the time and had 4 classes back to back. So...I ended up leaking a lot and feeling horrible during class. Once I switched to formula, I wasn't so tired, I wasn't so stressed, and I actually wanted to be near my child.



I think the hardest part for me was knowing that my child was solely relying on me for survival. Some moms love this feeling, but it scared me to death. I felt so much better when I started giving her formula. I could rely on my husband to feed her and we shared the responsibility. Knowing what I know now, I don't think I will breastfeed my next one. Will I feel guily? Yes, but I also know how much better of a mom I was after making the decision to quit with my first.

Kelly - posted on 01/29/2009

88

28

14

I agree with you 100%! I have 3 very healthy boys and non were breastfed. I have come to realize that my kids are a lot healthier than some of the babies that were BF that they come in contact with.

I think its a personal choice! If Mama's not comfortable or Happy, neither will baby!

If anyone is not sure, I suggest TRYING it, you can always switch to bottles but you can't do the reverse!

Rebecca - posted on 01/29/2009

50

21

12

Hear Hear!!!! I didn't breastfeed my daughter either for the same reason as you. When I was in hospital, they drummed into me that breast milk was "liquid gold". How dare I make a decision for myself about the feeding of my baby!!! I've noticed that compared to our friend's kids who were breastfed, Megan settled into a sleep routine better, and she tends not to be as fussy an eater. This could all be a co-incidence, but it was interesting. I was so paranoid about us not bonding because she was formula fed, but we have such a close bond. I really think it's got more to do with how you treat them than what they eat. I don't mean to sound pro formula, I just think it's important women out there know they have a choice. If you're uncomfortable about breastfeeding and you do it anyway, that's got to have some effect on the child. I wish I was able to breastfeed my child. It didn't work out that way for me, and I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever. I'm glad that it allowed my husband to play a bigger part when she was younger. We are expecting our second in September, and this time around I'm confident about my decision not to breastfeed. It may not work for everyone, but for us it was a perfect fit.

Thankyou Chantel for sharing your experience, it's good to know there are other mum's out there who can relate to this issue :)

Frances - posted on 01/29/2009

16

10

0

I wanted to add that, in the 6 months that my child has been alive, she got sick with a cold WHILE I WAS STILL BREASTFEEDING HER. Ever since I switched to formula only, she hasn't been sick at all.



Now, I'm not saying that formula is better, or that breastmilk doesn't have amazing benefits, which it does. But, I'm tired of people saying that breastmilk is 'miracle juice". If your kid is going to get sick, he/she will get sick REGARDLESS of him/her being breastfed or not.



My daughter weaned herself, and I'm happy she did. And yes, formula IS expensive, but sooner or later the $$ you didn't spend on formula you'll spend on something else for your kid (like college, school, preschool, after-school programs, medications, etc).



Bottom line: having kids is expensive, regardless of what we choose to fed, clothe, provide for our kids.

User - posted on 01/29/2009

1

0

0

You are never a bad mother, when you give your child life. Breastfeeding is a choice. I have 4 girls. Two I didn't breastfeed and two I did. With the first two.......I was scared of alot of things. Pulling my breast out, what would people think........the list could go on....With the other two I did........Know matter if you choice to or not............your child or kids will all act different and will be different....I would never say breast feeding is the best and wouldn't say it wasn't. It's about what is right for you at the time. Your great for being a mom. Love the picture!!

Anthea - posted on 01/29/2009

2

20

0

I so badly wanted to breastfeed both my son's, but my eldest just wouldn't latch on. I ended up with mastitis (ooh, painful!). He was as healthy as my 2nd son who I breastfed. I have 2 very strong, healthy boys even though the one was formula fed and the other breastfed. I have a wonderful bond with both boys and so does my husband.

Kesha - posted on 01/29/2009

10

10

0

You are not a bad mother at all. I think you should do what works for you and your baby as a whole. I breastfed all three of my babies, becasue that was what worked for us. That does not mean I love my children any more. Dont believe people or things you read that say that!  Keep up the good work.

[deleted account]

Quoting Rebekah:

I have been abused in shopping centre feeding rooms, because I asked a bottle feeding mother if I could breastfeed my baby there?!? It has become as difficult and socially unacceptable to breastfeed as it has been for bottle feeding mothers. We are not on our "high horse" but we should not be put down because we breastfeed! IT IS the natural thing to do, because that is why women have breasts!!! Because they DO produce milk!! It is different for every woman, because we are not ALL the same, we do not ALL think the same, we ar e not ALL brought with the same state of mind. I have read every thread here and while a woman has the right to bottlefeed a woman CERTAINLY DOES HAVE THE RIGHT TO BREASTFEED AND BE PROUD THAT SHE DOES EVERYTHING TO MAKE SURE SHE CAN!!
I have a 23week premmie and was told I would have to bottlefeed her for her to survive.... HA! I stood strong and expressed for over 4 months 6-8 times a day, brought her home and was told AGAIN that I should bottlefeed... but AGAIN, I stood strong and told them that I simply would not do it!
My daughter has had only one hospital admission, since she came home and has not even had a sniffle in 2 years! I opposed "medical advice" and my daughter is the healthiest premmie the doctors have come across!?! I had to say my piece, because, as everyone's situation is different, not only have a had to fight to breastfeed my premmie, I am a single mum of three and have only ever had trouble feeding my children because of other people's opinions on breastfeeding.
Oh, and one more thing.... why WOULD you start a thread like this one unless you did just feel a little guilty for the decision you made? It must, deep down, bother you that even though you could have tried....? You didn't even bother!!!!


I agree with Thumper's Papa in Bambi.  If you can't say something nice...don't say anything at all.

Barbara - posted on 01/29/2009

537

19

42

Quoting Angel:

what makes me uncomfortable is looking at someone with their shirt up breastfeeding. you people think your so superior to everyone who chooses not to breastfeed. get a life and move on to preaching about something else. WE ARE ALL SICK OF IT!!!!!!!


If you have a wierd boob fetish that's your problem.  Believe me, no one's trying to seduce you from across the room by breastfeeding their baby.

Amanda - posted on 01/29/2009

12

29

0

Don't feel bad you are doing what is best for YOU and YOUR baby... what is best for someone else can be totally different!!
I had my daughter 3.5 weeks early at a weight of 6.10 and she would not latch I nursed her for 11 days and man I think it was the longest 11 days of my life!!! LOL then I had my son last January and he latched right on and I nursed him until last week!!! it depends not only on YOU but the BABY people have to realize that!!! hope this makes you feel good about yourself!!!

Barbara - posted on 01/29/2009

537

19

42

Quoting Angel:

what makes me uncomfortable is looking at someone with their shirt up breastfeeding. you people think your so superior to everyone who chooses not to breastfeed. get a life and move on to preaching about something else. WE ARE ALL SICK OF IT!!!!!!!


If you have a wierd boob fetish that's your problem.  Believe me, no one's trying to seduce you from across the room by breastfeeding their baby.

Jennifer - posted on 01/29/2009

92

31

16

Quoting Angel:

what makes me uncomfortable is looking at someone with their shirt up breastfeeding. you people think your so superior to everyone who chooses not to breastfeed. get a life and move on to preaching about something else. WE ARE ALL SICK OF IT!!!!!!!


You are the reason I dont breastfeed in public because I know there are people like you who have that opinion. There definitely is a time and a place and somewhere private is more appropriate. But "get a life?"



 



Someone has somematuring to do and if you cant handle the sight of another womens breast or be able to explain to your child that that mom is simply feeding her baby, then sorry lady but you need to get f-u-c-k-e-d.

Maryellen - posted on 01/29/2009

18

17

0

I breastfed my older two but when I got preggo with my youngest I made the decision not to breastfeed him, I knew that emotionally and physically my older two children would need me just as much and I didnt want to spread myself too thin and end up being a basket case...my oldest, whom I breastfed the longest, just happens to also be my sickest...he's allergic to two kinds of molds, dust, dust mites, ragweed, cats, soy and peanuts and he has acid reflux and asthma, all these things he ended up with were the exact things my doctors told me he would be less at risk for developing because I breastfed, turns out his allergy to peanuts came directly from me, ie, eating peanut butter then nursing...so yeah, I did enjoy it while I did it, just the emotional part and the physical closeness, but I didnt enjoy the physical demand and the toll it took on my body...and I dont feel that I am a bad mother either...I just wish the breastfeeding nazis would leave these poor moms alone about it, its one thing to offer the information and help, but jeeze, back off a little....

Pierrette - posted on 01/29/2009

18

53

4

you are so right if you are not comfortable breast feading then you need to do what you feel is right for you and your baby and you are not a bad mother couse of it. I do both breast feed and bottle feed and my little man is a happy healthy baby. your little girl is so pretty and you as a good mom so do not let anyone tell you other wise.

Jennifer - posted on 01/29/2009

92

31

16

I breast-feed and I don't think I know more than a couple people if that who breast-feed. It is totally up to the mother and yes it isn't the norm these days but doctors will always tell you....breast milk is best.  People who are Pro-Breast-feeding know there stuff and mostly people know it benefits the child not by making a better bond with mom/baby but by the transfer or immunities  and antibodies the mother has that is transferred to the baby to protect from getting illnesses. If I have a cold say, my body is producing antibodies to fight my cold and is also transfered in the milk so my baby is taken care of. Thats probably why people push it on others....I think its up to the mom and whatever she feels most comfortable with.

Summer - posted on 01/29/2009

1

30

0

I am a mother of two boys and I chose not to breast feed either.  Doesn't mean I don't love them.  Doesn't mean I don't want the best for them.  Doesn't mean their not happy.  I have felt the tension when this topic comes up and I hate it.  I made my choice, stuck with it, and I don't care who thinks otherwise.  There is enough pressure being a mother that I found if you don't sweat the small stuff, you might actually be happy!!

Angel - posted on 01/29/2009

4

8

0

what makes me uncomfortable is looking at someone with their shirt up breastfeeding. you people think your so superior to everyone who chooses not to breastfeed. get a life and move on to preaching about something else. WE ARE ALL SICK OF IT!!!!!!!

Kirsty - posted on 01/29/2009

2

44

0

i also agree wiv u i have 6 children one boy and 5 gels and i tried to brest feed my son and it just wasnt right it felt wrong sumhow  so i also tried it wiv my 4th child and it still didnt feel right and my kids r perfect hasnt bovered thm being fed by bottle so i no im a gd mum u hav to do wots best for both mother and baby.....

User - posted on 01/29/2009

8

0

0

Quoting Shannon:



I do not breast feed my son and he is PERFECT!!! Its your body and your choice. Formula is healthy too. If it wasnt, they wouldnt sell it! :)





Hmmmm, yes, formula is good but is only as good as the company's screening policies.  For example, do you know if any of the formula is made in China?  My point is not to scare people away from formula and I have no data that shows concerns for anything on the magnitude of lead paint on toys or somethingn like that, but you know exactly what is going into your breast milk (good & bad) and that's worth something.



And just to restate the facts.  Breast milk is great, but formula is pretty close and gradually closing the gap.  The only hurdle which is unlikely to be cleared is that breast milk has immunoglobulins which help fight disease and it's unlikely they'll ever even attempt to put them in formula.  Of course formula doesn't make your child "sicker" and there are plenty of formula babies who never get sick, but many, many research studies show that breast fed babies on average are less likely to get sick.

Tori - posted on 01/29/2009

9

6

0

i have two healthy boys that were not breastfed.... i feel if you arent comfortable with it.... dont care what other ppl think!

Lisa - posted on 01/29/2009

4

7

0

I agree that the choice you made in what way you feed your child does not make you a bad mom. I am a mother who breast-fed all four of her children, but I made the choice for several reasons...



1. my first child was pre-term and the immunities and nutrients he got from the breastmilk     would do nothing but help him.



2. it's free, formula is expensive if you get no help with the costs.



3. breastmilk comes prewarmed so it is more convenient in many cases



4. I fed my first child for those reasons, why not continue the process, plus it helped me get my "pre-pregnancy" body back very quickly (yay!)



 



But I caught judgemental looks and comments from others as well, especially when I had my baby with me and they needed to eat while we were in public. I was always discreet and always did it under a blanket so when I got that judgement from peopl it really made me angry and yes it even made me question from time to time if i had made the "right" choice.



As long as your baby stays healthy, and thrives it does not make any difference how they're fed, as long as they are. it is totally a personal preference, and i think people should not make snap judgements about people, because of their personal preference. beside, is what those people think or even say important and significant to you and your families' life? Absolutely not! Don't let it bother you so much. There are so many more important things to worry about in this life, let it go in one ear and out the other if what they have to say has no real bearing in your life.



Sorry....had to rant for a sec.



Lisa Hill

User - posted on 01/29/2009

8

0

0

I just have to say that "just being human" is not really exclusive of being selfish.  Being a parent is a huge (some might say the biggest) sacrifice and with a first child there is a giant transition from being selfish (you're pretty much only taking care of yourself at all times unless you're a nurse, doctor or care for an older relative) to barely having time to shower, let alone taking time to have fun (going to bars or movies, etc).  In order to survive this transition some mothers can only give up so much of themselves.  Are they inherently worse mothers?  No, that would be like saying a mom born with a physical disability is a worse mom than a physically fit mom.  Everyone has their limits and we do the best we can with what we've got.  That shouldn't stop people from trying to do better (don't rule out breast feeding your next kid) just give as much as you are able without losing yourself. 

 



Quoting Linda:



Hi Chantel, Regardless how much of this topic I see I am always interested.






I couldnt get my oldest to latch until she was a month old so I pumped for her and made it until she was 4 months before I realized that I couldnt leave the house without her and so I quit.






My middle child didnt latch until he was 7 weeks and i pumped for him. I went back to work and carried that pump with me like it was my oxygen tank and lasted until he was 5 months before I said enough.






I had my third shild and thought I would try to go 6 months nursing. I made it about 6 hours before I said whatever, lets give her a bottle.






WHen you have children you give up so much and your life changes so drastically that a lot of what happens is actually shocking. The example I will use is crude but its all I have at the moment.






Let's say you are trying to save someone and you have to cut your finger off to do it. Should the person that you are trying to save question why you dont cut off your whole hand?






Ok, I dont know if that makes sense but my point is that you are giving up much of your life you know it when you become a parent and the fact that you want to keep yourself out of dirty bathrooms, or the backseat of the car or still be able to go out shopping if the opportunity arises does not make you selfish. It makes you human.






I also saw the laleche league referred to as the nazis in one post. I agree. They treated me so poorly that I have nothing good to say about them.





 

Angel - posted on 01/29/2009

4

8

0

good for you!!! im sick of moms that have breast fed looking down on us that havent. i have 2 kids and i DID NOT beast feed and my kids are happy and healthy. and another thing u moms out there that think its just fine to wip out your tit and feed anywhere, get a clue. nobody wants to watch that. keep your boob in and your opinions to your self

Michelle - posted on 01/29/2009

124

13

13

Be confident in the fact that you ARE A GREAT MOTHER! There are lots of breastfeeding mothers out there that neglect their babies in other ways!! Don't let the world get to you, there is always someone saying something about everything. IGNORE THEM, most of them are idiots anyways.

[deleted account]

I tried and failed but my daughter who is now 11 is very healthly and was never a sickly child. Don't beat yourself up over it. Its the effort and love you put into your child over the years that counts !!

Barbara - posted on 01/29/2009

537

19

42

Quoting Shauna:



Actually, while I was pregnant, my doctor told me that If I was smoking more than a pack a day that quitting smoking alltogether while I was pregnant could harm the baby. He said that the withdrawl symptoms could be more harmful than having the occaisonal cigarette. That didn't mean continuing to smoke the same amount but that if a massive craving hit to go with it instead of putting the baby through the stress.





But we all know that smoking while pregnant is not the ideal thing to do.  My point is this:  Fifty years ago we could've been having this same discussion about mothers who smoke while pregnant.  Back then it was much more socially acceptable to do so, and a large portion of the country did it, but now it is much less acceptable.  Well, nowadays the majority of women bottle feed their babies although it is not the ideal thing to do.  It is a SOCIALLY accepted behavior, even if it is not MEDICALLY as sound as the breastfeeding option.  So, if everyone is jumping of the Brooklyn Bridge.....

User - posted on 01/29/2009

13

15

0

You are completely correct. I tried to breastfeed my first son while still in the hospital after having my C section. The nurses were really trying to help me make it work but I was having such a hard time. This one nurse just pushed me over the edge and finally told her to leave me alone and that I was done, my son was crying and I was close to it as well.



Both of my boys were bottle fed and I am as close to them as any of my friends or family who successfully breast fed. Has nothing to do with being a good mother or bad mother, it's a choice women need to make.

Shannon - posted on 01/29/2009

55

9

2

I do not breast feed my son and he is PERFECT!!! Its your body and your choice. Formula is healthy too. If it wasnt, they wouldnt sell it! :)

Chantel - posted on 01/29/2009

415

13

34

Quoting Logan:

If you're so comfortable with it, why do you sound so defensive?

If anyone has actually made comments to you about being a bad mom, they're jackasses, but this kind of post is pretty lame.



If its so lame, why did you bother to reply to it???

Judith - posted on 01/29/2009

2

25

0

You are NOT a bad mother.  I breastfed all my 4 of my kids,  some for only a month other for as long as 6 months.  One was not getting full, the others once they got teeth, DONE!  LOL!!  It is a very personal decision.  I am a labor and delivery nurse and I respect my patients decision, I just put out the information out there for them.  So don't let anyone tell you you're selfish or anythng like that!!

Judith - posted on 01/29/2009

2

25

0

You are NOT a bad mother.  I breastfed all my 4 of my kids,  some for only a month other for as long as 6 months.  One was not getting full, the others once they got teeth, DONE!  LOL!!  It is a very personal decision.  I am a labor and delivery nurse and I respect my patients decision, I just put out the information out there for them.  So don't let anyone tell you you're selfish or anythng like that!!

Kathleen - posted on 01/29/2009

79

49

5

i think either way people are going to give you crap.. i breastfeed my baby and i always have people saying omg your still nursing or ew i couldnt ever do that..  i am only nineteen years old just trying to do what i thought was best for my baby and i get repramanded for it everyday like i'm a sick perv or something my friends always ask me , you didn't ween her yet?  breast or bottle doesn't matter so long as your baby is getting fed and loved. but either way you will have to deal with the other groups harrassment. i personally don't think less of either group so long as you are doing your best for you and your baby. ignore everyone else!

Tammy - posted on 01/29/2009

20

6

0

It's not the best choice if you do not feel comfortable doing it. The best choice is what's right for you. People will always have opinions about how to be a parent. Take what you want and ignore the rest.

I think not breast feeding. He had a liver disease, and apparently if I had been breast feeding, wouldn't have been found as soon as it was. So you see things work out the way they are suppose to be. He's doing great after a transplant when he was 4 and now he's 18 and doing wonderfully:)

[deleted account]

You are not a a bad mother just cause you didn't breastfeed! I formula fed all my 4 kids and they are all healthy! Yah breast feeding is great but for certain people and not everyone is the same!

  1. 1
  2. 2
  3. 3
  4. 4
  5. 5
  6. 6
  7. ...
  8. 11

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms