I am not a Mom but I hate my ex with a passion!

Tammi - posted on 11/26/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )




I am ashamed to admit that I hate my Ex-Husband with a passion but trust me he earned my hatred. I was actually searching on line for some type of emotional and spiritual help and I stumbled upon this website. I have been divorced since 1997.I taught I was over this not marriage but "experience. In 2012 my Dad died of pancreatic cancer. During the last week of his life he was in hospice care at home. My Dad had been in a coma for several days and the hospice staff were on duty a round the clock. Family members began to come over and stay around the clock. The neighbors started taking noticed and began to question "if everything was okt? .I taught it would be best to explain to the neighbors that my Dad was not doing well and they would be seeing the hospice care coming in and out. One day I was letting some family members out the door, this one neighbor who lives next door to my parents drove up. I waited until she got out the car and I gave her a kind greeting than I preceded to explain my father's failing condition. She said she noticed the continuous traffic and was concerned. She said I need to get away for a few minutes and she invited me to attend a neighborhood meeting two blocks away from my parents home. She said it was only a thirty minute meeting ,she would drive and we will return home immediately following the meeting. I had been by my Dad side for several days and yes I needed some fresh air. I attended the meeting with this neighbor and it was over within twenty minutes. On our way home she said I would like to buy you a glass of wine at this local neighborhood pizzeria only 10 minutes away from my parents home. We walk in to the restaurant bar and order the wine. I began to drink the wine and she said to me "I need to ask you a question?" I looked at her and said What? She said 'WHY DID YOU MARRY YOUR HUSBAND?" I put the wine down and said "Why DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?" She said" BECAUSE WHILE YOU CALLED YOURSELF GOING TOGETHER OR ENGAGED, HE WAS RINGIING MY DOOR BELL" I asked "WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME NOW,I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED SINCE 1997?" She said "I ALWAYS WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS" I told her I have not seen or spoken to my ex-husband since the divorce and she do not have a problem with me. She than tried to encourage me to contact my ex to inform him of my father's illness. I replied "NO ". I returned home that evening upset at the timing of the news that was delivered to me but immediately dismissed it and started to concentrate on my Dad's needs. Sadly two days letter my Dad did pass away. This particular neighbor has always been and is currently known to be "The Mean Bully". She is at least 5 years older than I am and have never cared for me and my family since I was a child. I taught since we are now in our 50's she was over her insecurities but obviously not. After several months of my Dads death she suddenly want to be my best friend. She started calling my Mom and coming over unannounced. A year after my Dads death she continued this behavior until it hit me in my soul what she had discussed with me while my Dad was on his death bed. I was not comfortable with her sudden friendship. It was Mothers Day and she came over to give my Mom a bouquet of flowers. I called my brother and Mom in the living room and revealed to them what she had told me. Needless to say they both were up set. My Mom said she never took a interest in her or my Dad until I started coming over regularly. The more I taught about it the more angry I have became . Right next to my parents. This was a new low. I dated my ex-husband for 5 years and we were married 6 horrible years. I have been a victim of Domestic Violence ,Bankrupt (after the divorce)He was fired from his job of 10 years 3 months after we got married for stealing a case of miniature bottles of vodka off a aircraft( whe both worked for the airlines at the time). The police pulled him over for speeding and decided to search the car. He was arrested and the incident made the News Paper. I went to pick him up from the station and he told me he was arrested for excessive speeding and driving on a ticket. He never mentioned the alcohol. Here I go to work for days . All of my co workers are whispering be hind my back. My manager is giving me dirty looks. Finally one evening after work he decided to show me the article only because a friend of his threatened to call me and tell me the news. He went to inpatient rehab for thirty days only because he taught he could get his job back . He did find another job and lost it because he would not attend AA meetings. This cycle went on for years. Finally he decided to take his time looking for a job and allow me the wife to carry the load while he lay around and do drugs and alcohol all day. Finally I said I have had it. My life was a mess. He came home after being out all night at 3am . He insisted that I wake up and argue with him . I had to to be at work at 7am and needed the sleep. He started yelling and taunting me. I jumped out of the bed and called 911. The police made him leave and a nice police officer instructed me on how to get an emergency order of protection. Now this bastard is living in Miami with a women with gold teeth in her mouth. She is on facebook confessing to being a ex crack addict and actually show the dock in which she lived under. Now of course she is a born again christen.
Everything he tell her he have said to me. He recently announced that she was his Wife on Facebook. I know my life is 100% better since I divorced his ass. I landed a great job years later making over 100K and bought a condo in a very prominent neighborhood. I am angry because I have not been on a date in years. Even when I did not have this relapse of emotion I still have not been in a relationship but he has been in several. I don't know why God will not punish him for what he did to me. He ruined my life. Yes I know I should forgive but I just don't know how. Pray for me


Sarah - posted on 11/28/2015




Why are you weighing yourself down by holding on to such rage and bitterness? You have no children with this man and left him so long ago. So he had an affair with your parents neighbor, was a drunk and a could hold a job; why do you still care? You made the best choice for yourself- you left and became successful. Why are you wasting your time stalking him on Facebook? Maybe consider the reason you cannot open you heart to a new relationship is because you are still so filled with hatred and anger? Let it go, get him out of your head and heart and be free of him once and for all. Rather than wonder about what punishment he deserves, how about you reward yourself by freeing yourself and forgiving him?

MaryAnn - posted on 11/26/2015




You dont need to wait for God to punish him, he's punishing himself! His wife is a crack addict who lives under a dock!
When times get tough, a lot of unexpected feelings come up, and when we dont deal with them in a healthy way, they get bigger and bigger. Like the other ladies said, try a counsellor. Youll make it through. Look at you now!

Jodi - posted on 11/26/2015




I really think you need some counselling. You have been divorced from this man for nearly 20 years. These feelings you have are not healthy for you. It just seems to me you are not over it. Given you have no children together, to still be obsessing over what he is doing, what he is saying or even what has happened so far in the past is indicative of deeper issues.

Ev - posted on 11/26/2015




I think you need to take a deep breath and look at things. You have so much going for you now. Good job that pays well, a nice home, your family and friends. The man is no longer in your life. Let it go. He moved on and you should too. Not dating is not the end of the world. I have been divorced for over 13 years and have not dated at all.I had a hard time learning to forgive him for the things said and done over time. But I did eventually. I do not let what he did in the past hover over my present or future. And you should not let it do that to you too.


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Dove - posted on 11/28/2015




Hating your ex only hurts you. It's been almost 20 years since your divorce and you are still holding on to SO much bitterness... which mean he is 'winning'. I would recommend you seek Christian counseling as soon as possible and learn to let go. Yes, it takes time and effort, but... 20 years?! YOU are the one ruining your own life at this point, not him.

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