Darshana - posted on 10/26/2009 ( 25 moms have responded )
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i need everyone honest opion, is haveing two babys a lot, i have a four year old and i have a 3yr old step child that lives with me so the makes three and im only 25 should i have this baby ? will it be hard ? im scared.
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Oh, Darshana, just wanted to let you know that I am adopted. If you want to know what that has been like for me, I'd be happy to talk to you through messages. Basically, I'm here, and I'm glad to have been given the chance to journey through life.
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The choice is yours alone, but I will say this: At 32, I just had my first baby, and he was planned. However, during my pregnancy, I had moments of feeling scared and overwhelmed at the thought of ONE baby's sleepless nights and all of the problems that having a child entails. But, he's been here with us for a month now, and even though there are times when all I want is a nap and a shower, we love, love, love him. I guess what I am saying is, we can surprise ourselves with our ability to handle things. Of course it will be hard, but life can be that way. Luckily, the good far outweighs the bad.
Just a tip: use your support system! If someone offers to help, let them! No woman can do all the parenting alone, or even with a good boyfriend or partner. People would not offer to help if they didn't want to. Reach out to them as much as you need, and give yourself a mental health break. We all need that, so don't ever feel guilty about it.
Carolee - posted on 10/27/2009
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It sounds like your boyfriend is the right kind of guy!
Option A: you keep the baby.
It will be hard, but being a mom is hard, as you know. Can you make it financially? Will your boyfriend be there to support you? Will he listen when you need to talk, and give you a night without the kids when you really need it?
Option B: you abort the baby.
This is the toughest decision in the world! Would you be able to live with your decision? Is your boyfriend absolutely opposed to it? Is he all for it? Will he support you? Will he be there when you need to talk about it?
I've heard (but don't know from personal experience yet) that going from one child to two children is much harder than going from two children to three. Every mom I know who has three or more kids has said that. Talk to your boyfriend about it, and be brutally honest. If there's going to be any friction about any choice anyone makes (him or you), it would be better for it to be out in the open sooner rather than later. Just know that any decision you make is the right one for you!
Cassie - posted on 10/27/2009
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Sandra, I am honestly not making a snap decision about her situation. I know that I don't know all of the facts pertaining to her story but there are certain facts I do know. One, she is pregnant with her living child growing inside her. Two, she is asking for advice and I gave her mine that may not be the same as every one else's but I felt strongly that an anti-abortion side should be presented. I do not presume to understand how difficult a decision this is but I think everyone should know that they are ending a life when they have an abortion and that decision should never be taken lightly.
Darshana, I am in no way trying to judge you or hurt you with my comments. I, too, commend you for being able to so openly ask others for help and advice. This is a very personal decision that you have to make; one that could haunt you the rest of your life if it isn't completely thought out. I agree with so many of these women that this needs to be a joint decision between you and your boyfriend as it is both your child growing inside of you and his. I also believe that you may really benefit from speaking to a third party who may be able to counsel you on the decision you are about to make. Good luck.
Lois - posted on 10/27/2009
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I think you will be fine to keep the baby and enjoy your blooming family. Why? Because your heart is in it, some say it is doubt, fear, insecurity, but I say it is maturity and being fully aware of the responsibilty. It is hard, financially, emotionally, and physically, but spiritually it is the best responsibility. I had my first little girl the day before I turned 19 and my second a few months after my 21st birthday and the Dad who is the father of my now 23 year old step daughter is snoring in the room behind me over 20 years later. We had rough times and still do but the girls make my entire life have meaning! That is the beauty that comes from the hard work of having children. I know you will do the right thing and I am very proud of your honesty that will help you along the way. Assemble your support team and tell them how you feel and that you want and need their help. Best wishes to you and your family.
Cassie - posted on 10/27/2009
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I guess I will have to be the mean one here.... although mean is not something I do....
I don't understand at all how you could not do adoption because you couldn't bear having someone else raise your child but you could consider killing that same child??? It doesn't make any sense to me at all and seems so entirely selfish and heartless.
I am sorry to seem mean because I really am not a mean person. I really hope you think hard about this decision. You have your LIVING child growing inside you. Are you ready to end that life?
I hope you think really hard about it because it is such a huge, life-changing decision either way. I just don't believe abortion should be used as a birth control because you accidentally ended up pregnant. Good luck with whatever decision you make. I'm sure it will be a hard one either way.
Shanikia - posted on 10/27/2009
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Yes, I believe it will be hard! I've had to deal with my bf and I have 3 kids amongst the 2 of us and having all 3 is a challenge, but they are all blessings.
I don't think I would make a decision that I could possibly regret later!
Have you asked your husband how he feels? You also have to consider how this type of decision will affect your relationship with your husband.
Just think on it and pray really hard before you make a decision!
Krisha - posted on 10/27/2009
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it wont be easy but you need to look at your other children and ask the question can you not not have this baby! I am 24 and i have a 5 year old and a 4 year old step son. We are not planing on having a baby anytime soon but if it happend i would look at it as it has happened for a reason and would figure out how to make it work. I dont know if you are a christian but if you are you need to remember that God gives you nothing you cant handle he will provide when providing is needed wether it is money or strength you arnt alone!!!
Pamela - posted on 10/27/2009
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It will be fine! If they were younger I'd say it might be more challenging, but you should do fine. What else you going to do? Are you a single mom? Don't have an abortion!
Sharon - posted on 10/27/2009
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How about you ask him some of the questions we asked you - let his answers factor in the decision?
Darshana - posted on 10/27/2009
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Quoting Patricia:
Did you try talking to youre boyfriend about it.. He can help you with what he thinks about it. He might give you something you can work with.I know my husband was a big help with my decision..
thanks patricia i have talked to him and he wants the baby but he said what ever is m decision he is behind me so im just stuck
Darshana - posted on 10/27/2009
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Quoting Sharon:
I don't blame you Darshana. I couldn't do adoption either.
thanks sharon
Sharon - posted on 10/27/2009
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I don't blame you Darshana. I couldn't do adoption either.
Darshana - posted on 10/27/2009
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Quoting Gwen:
have you considered adoption?
im going to be real honest i couldnt
bare to go threw my whole pregnacy and i have a child and help rasing a baby thats not mind and give this baby up ... it might sound strange but i dont think i could bare to think my baby isout there some where and i cant see him/her no thats not a option .
Gwen - posted on 10/27/2009
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have you considered adoption?
Darshana - posted on 10/27/2009
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i know i will get judge quickly about this thread because it is a touchy subject, its people who cant have kids and i totally understand , its been nights i cant sleep and i m so emotional and just depressed ,this will be the hardest thing i have ever made in my life you guys. thanks a lot for the encourging answers i have got so far .
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well i have four children 13yr old boy,5yr old girl , twins 3n half yr old n its hard ,time consuming and i have no time to myself !! but i love them with all my heart n i think u in your own heart will make the best decision for u n your family , i was scared n at times it gets to much i have family but dont really get time to do anything if i do get time off its always for a short time !! i always need time out for me n it is hard ,unconditional love that i wouldnt change !! i think its easy when u have two compared to four but thats only my opinion !!! cause we have to still be able to be ourselves to !! but thats my opinion n u should go on how u feel n what u think !!!
Sharon - posted on 10/26/2009
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And your financial drain. Can you two support a third child? A lot of relationships end because of fighting over finances, what child is who's responsibility, what part each person has in supporting the family...
You two are talking getting married, because you're pregnant? Because you're in love and will always be in love? Do you think there is a chance it won't work out with him?
I think its an awesome sign that he has custody of the 3 yr old and he takes/accepts the responsibility.
Darshana - posted on 10/26/2009
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Its like my boyfriend and i are talkink marriage now and he is a sweet guy very good buti am overwhelmed now i cant lie but my support system is there its just i know the baby is totally my responsibility at the end of the day
Sharon - posted on 10/26/2009
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Yes it will be hard.
How are things between you & your husband? how is the blended family working out? the Hubbys ex and you?
On the other hand having 2 older kids and one infant isn't to bad unless you are a bit overwhelmed now.
Will you have help through this pregnancy and after?
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MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Sandrasoren - posted on 10/27/2009
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Well, even if you are on birth control that doesn't mean that you won't get pregnant, so don't make snap decisions about other people's situation. Do I personally believe you should get an abortion Darshana, no, no I do not.
I have three children and I had them all by the time I was 23, it was very difficult even with a semi supportive family in a different state. Money was tight, time was difficult to manage, and yet we somehow all survivied.
There was a person that posted earlier stating maybe try talking to an unbiased professional, and I would highly recommend that. It doesn't answer your questions for you, but it shows you what your options are to set yourself up for success. A unbiased professional isn't going to just say your options are abortion, adoption, or giving birth, because everything isn't that clear cut. If you're having financial problems there are options, and help out there for you. If you are having emotional strain there is help there for that too, sometimes even at no cost to you. No matter how similar anyone else's situation is, it is NEVER the same as yours, because they are not you. Have faith and again as others have stated you will find a decision that is right for your situation. :)
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Did you try talking to youre boyfriend about it.. He can help you with what he thinks about it. He might give you something you can work with.I know my husband was a big help with my decision..
Isobel - posted on 10/26/2009
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I am impressed with the honesty and maturity of all of the answers you've received so far, and I agree with all of them. You will, in the end, make the decision that is right for you. On another note...get ready for a world of hurt on this thread, this topic can get ugly fast.
-good luck
Samantha - posted on 10/26/2009
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I had 3 kids by the time I was 25 yrs old and 4 by the time I was 28. It can be very hard financially and emotionally but I love them all very much and was very happy that I did not give any of them up (on way or the other). But it is also your decision and one that you should discuss with your sig. other. All in all you need to do what is right for you and your family.
Amber - posted on 10/26/2009
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Whether or not you keep this child is a very hard decision. If you have the option I highly suggest talking to an unbiased professional about this. Even if you don't come up with an answer right away, having some guidance for your thoughts can really help you out. As a previous poster mentioned, it's good to review things like finance and relationship stability. These can be very difficult topics to think about, but in the end you need to do what is right for you and your family.